Who is the most evil person in history? A mass murderer? A rapist? Aunt Martha, who stole your Care Bear collection and threw them at the fire because they were satanic and those colorful things are for gays anyway, when you were just an innocent, 32 year old boy?

If dressing as Cheer to go to a kids park means to be pedo homo, I don't want to be hetero.

Most of you are going to say Adolf Hitler, the German Dictator who... do I really need tell you who in the hell Adolf Hitler was? If I do, go play some Wolfenstein 3D, he is the guy in robot armor with two Gatling guns.

Thing is, I think Hitler is a bit underrated, he wasn't such a bad guy. Those who didn't sleep through history class might say, "But he killed 6 million Jews!", to which I would normally reply "But he killed 6 million Jews!" But one encounter with the Mossad is enough for one lifetime, I will avoid kicking this horse and present real actual arguments.

1 - He and his party introduced a completely new view on animal welfare!

Before Nazi Germany, the animal welfare laws weren't really protecting the interest of the animals, but of the owners. The Fuhrer changed that. The Nazis prohibited trapping, imposed severe restrictions on hunting, and enforced the protection of pets and husbandry. Finally, they also banned Kosher slaughtering, which is a Jewish practice of killing an animal in the most painful way possible without even stunning the poor thing, because we all know Jews feed on suffering.

Even on the personal level, Hitler was an animal person, having a dog called Blondie and being a vegetarian. He also loved all animals except, as history showed us, one:

He really wasn't a cat person.

2 - He was a war hero!

Adolfie (Alfie? Dolfie? How you make the name Adolf cute?) volunteered to serve in the First World War in a Bavarian regiment. In his time, he gained an Iron Cross Second Class for bravery, Iron Cross First Class (awarded by his Jewish superior), and the Black Wound Badge when he was injured, near the end of his military career and the war. Back then, when officers didn't use medals as a bullet proof vest, those three meant a lot. Why isn't this guy an American action movie hero yet?

Because he wasn't a front-line soldier, he was a dispatch runner. People even question if he actually fired his rifle against the enemy at any time during the war. This tested claims of his valiant battle feats described in various Nazi-era newspapers, biographies and books. What are the odds of this guy lying?

Here, seen doing some vanity shots. Only a self confident man would look that ridiculous in front of a camera.

3 - He was a sensible painter!




Look at this. Just look at this! Those traces, those colors! It is a well spread myth that Hitler was a bad painter and, for that, was kicked out of the academy in Vienna. But really, if if this isn't a Picasso, at least I could very well picture something like that in a postcard. Also, have in mind this was done in 1914, he was practically a boy!

Hitler was a truly sensitive boy, the kind that would make any girl's heart melt down like butter in a oven pan. What else could you ask, ladies? We all know, no bad guys or psychopaths have artistic tastes or talent. Right?

4 - He was inevitable.

One pretty common science fiction plot is the one of going back in time to kill Hitler before WW2, in hopes of avoiding the war and the holocaust before it even happened. You see this played straight in Command & Conquer: Red Alert, and to some degree in shows like Star Trek. What they usually ignore (either the writers, or the characters partaking on the quest for Hitler's corpse) is that if he fell, another would rise.

Germany was absolutely destroyed by the conclusion of a war they were dragged into over Imperial alliances. If WW1 is a clusterfuck for us, with access to the internet, imagine for the average German citizen. Too many died, they lost territory in excessive reparations, and their economy was broken. This, plus the Reds rising in the East, created a paranoia and vengeance atmosphere perfect for nationalistic leaders to rise. Would someone else have been better than Hitler? Worse? We will never know. Until we find how to shoot through time, that is.




5 - He showed the West the horror that is an industrial scale genocide system.

Up to 15 thousand homosexuals. Up to 2 thousand Catholic priests. Half a million Serbs. Almost the entirety of the Romani. 6 million Jews. Racial hostilities have been very common throughout history among various peoples on the face of Earth, with violent solutions being employed with certain frequency, and even gusto. Races would be blamed for problems within a nation, radical measures would be taken, and sometimes, someone would suggest "but what if we just killed/deported all of them?"

Possibly for the first time, in a place where all the world could see, someone did it. The West was shocked. Speechless. Someone actually did it. And it looked horrible. Concentration camps, forced labor, ghettos, races almost annihilated for being different.

This is, in my opinion, by far, the greatest contribution the Nazis left the world. This terrible scar that will never heal, showing us how low humanity can go in the name of hatred. Maybe we could have learned without it? Maybe. But we would never have this clear example of ethnic cleansing in the modern era of media and radio and, I am afraid, it would still be a discussion-worthy argument in most places. It could happen later. It could happen worse, with the technology of tracking, drones and etc.

I don't ask anyone to be thankful for the tragedy that happened. What I do ask is to be thankful that it happened in the past, not in the present, and hopefully, with the example to always be remembered, not in the future.

tl/dr: Hitler did nothing wrong. Become a Nazi today.

Image credits: Cat image by Aothecat via wikimedia commons
Title image via Bundesarchiv, Bild 101I-808-1238-05