SWIM

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Re: SWIM

Postby Anglerphobe » Mon Jan 09, 2017 11:02 pm

Sex with me is like going to Tesco at 10pm to look at reduced to clear items. If you're willing to use your elbows and play dirty, you stand to get a massive quantity of something you would not have wanted at all under any other circumstances.

Africanising honeybees.
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"Tusser, they tell me, when thou wert alive,
Thou, teaching thrift, thyselfe couldst never thrive.
So, like the whetstone, many men are wont
To sharpen others, when themselves are blunt."

Anyone who has any kind of opinion fucking disgusts me.
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Re: SWIM

Postby Albatross727 » Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:42 am

Sex with me is like Africanising honey bees...I'm not sure exactly how you do it but it sounds complicated, potentially painful and sticky.

Stealing alcohol from a house party.
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Re: SWIM

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:54 pm

Sex with me is like stealing alcohol from a house party; instant gratification, but your reputation will suffer.

straining your fingers from fidget spinner overuse.
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Re: SWIM

Postby Anglerphobe » Mon Sep 11, 2017 8:15 pm

Sex with me is like straining your fingers from fidget spinner overuse. It will rekindle your doctor's dormant alcoholism.


Ad libbing a speech to the UN.
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"Tusser, they tell me, when thou wert alive,
Thou, teaching thrift, thyselfe couldst never thrive.
So, like the whetstone, many men are wont
To sharpen others, when themselves are blunt."

Anyone who has any kind of opinion fucking disgusts me.
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Re: SWIM

Postby gisambards » Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:03 pm

Sex with me is like ad libbing a speech to the UN. It will be the single most embarrassing event of your life, and the video will go viral.

Fleeing a forest fire.
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Re: SWIM

Postby KryingKraken » Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:03 pm

Sex with me is like fleeing a forest fire; I'm burning up with excitement for you, but clearly there is no reciprocation.


Learning to read.
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Don't mind me.
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Re: SWIM

Postby Anglerphobe » Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:06 pm

Sex with me is like learning to read. Most people born before 1900 didn't do it.

Wearing vulgar t-shirts.
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"Tusser, they tell me, when thou wert alive,
Thou, teaching thrift, thyselfe couldst never thrive.
So, like the whetstone, many men are wont
To sharpen others, when themselves are blunt."

Anyone who has any kind of opinion fucking disgusts me.
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Re: SWIM

Postby Delta Jim » Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:13 pm

Sex with me is like wearing vulgar t-shirts. It's usually a desperate cry for attention.

Playing the xylophone
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Re: SWIM

Postby KryingKraken » Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:17 pm

Sex with me is like playing the xylophone; complicated and hard to figure out at first, but you settle into a beautiful rhythm with musical cries.

Trying to lose 20 pounds.
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Don't mind me.
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Re: SWIM

Postby Cpt._Funkotron » Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:33 am

Sex with me is like trying to lose 20 pounds. You probably don't want to unless you have a weight problem that's affecting your self esteem.

Talking into a fan.
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Re: SWIM

Postby IamNotCreepy » Wed Sep 13, 2017 5:52 pm

Sex with me is like talking into a fan. If you're not careful, you'll end up with a sore tongue.

Having no electricity for a week.
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Re: SWIM

Postby KleinerKiller » Wed Sep 13, 2017 5:58 pm

Sex with me is like having no electricity for a week: difficult, but survivable most of the time.

Exorcising a demonic spirit.
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Re: SWIM

Postby Cpt._Funkotron » Wed Sep 13, 2017 6:13 pm

Sex with me is like exorcizing a demonic spirit. Just put on a collar, tie me down, say the right words, and my head will spin.

Watching Braveheart.
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Re: SWIM

Postby KryingKraken » Wed Sep 13, 2017 6:24 pm

Cpt._Funkotron wrote:Sex with me is like exorcizing a demonic spirit. Just put on a collar, tie me down, say the right words, and my head will spin.

*Saves this forever*

Sex with me is like watching Braveheart. You'll be confused about what you're doing along the way, but the amount of loud noises makes up for it.

Training a dog.
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Don't mind me.
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Re: SWIM

Postby Delta Jim » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:04 pm

Sex with me is like training a dog. It usually involves food rewards to encourage proper behavior.

Writing a paper

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