Recommend some bad movies / discussion of them

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Re: Recommend some bad movies / discussion of them

Postby NathanLoiselle » Sat May 28, 2022 7:52 pm

Wait. I'd stop being crazy and all depressed and bi-polar and shit if I just drank bat blood? Damn! It's Morbin' Time!
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Re: Recommend some bad movies / discussion of them

Postby iMURDAu » Sun May 29, 2022 1:25 pm

NO NATHAN STOP YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT!!!!!!!!111
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Re: Recommend some bad movies / discussion of them

Postby iMURDAu » Thu Jun 02, 2022 12:35 am

I've suffered through two more movies that nobody else should have to. Baseketball is one. The other is titled Mad Dog Time. What I found incredible is that there's only two years between them. I'll be nice and put these thrashings under spoilers because it saves space, not because anyone would care to have either movie "ruined" for them.

Baseketball:

Spoiler: show
It took me like 7 times over the course of a couple weeks to get through this movie. So maybe I'd have a lesser opinion if I watched it all at once. Would you believe this was made by the people behind South Park, Team America, and The Book of Mormon? Like, how did this get made?

Here's your plot. A kid wants to be a sports star because he caught a game winning home run ball hit by Reggie Jackson who was playing baseball for the New York Yankees. But like most people his adult athletic ability is meh. He and his friends end up inventing a sport that has a style of play influenced by the basketball playground game H-O-R-S-E and baseball but throws in trash talking.

Imagine a bad trope from 90's comedies that you're glad is not a thing or at least isn't common these days in movies. This movie is full of them. I mean holy shit at one point the "is only with old men for their money" character just up and announces to her elderly boyfriend that she decided she just doesn't like him anymore and walks off. This movie had to have been written in a weekend and/or was edited less than this supposed review of it. All of the jokes land flat or were done better on South Park. And the use of the transgender person in this movie wasn't funny in 1998.

There's one joke. I was gonna write there's no jokes but there's one good one. It literally takes the whole fucking film to pay off and I say its not worth it. But it made me laugh. After Matt and Trey's team wins the Baseketball championship saving the blah blah and yeah whatever Trey is approached by..... Reggie Jackson. Who had found a used baseketball ball that was Trey's out in the parking lot. Reggie told him to hold on to those things. He got two of his homerun balls back the night he won the big game. But some little fucker wouldn't give up the third ball. Reggie goes to leave but then does the Columbo "oh yeah there's one other thing" and Trey emphatically says "I DON'T HAVE YOUR FUCKING BALL!!!.... I mean, why would I?" Its probably on youtube somewhere if you care which you shouldn't.

Also the only entertaining parts of this movie were the real life sports announcers saying off the wall shit. Especially Al Michaels. He acted his ass off. Someone always does in shitty movies it seems.

Next movie up is...

Mad Dog Time:

Spoiler: show
This movie exists. Dear reader, let me tell you that I know for a fact that you could make a better movie than this if you had this cast to work with. How does this movie fly under the radar? It has prime 96' Jeff Goldblum in it. Ellen Barkin. Richard Dreyfuss. Diane Lane. Burt Reynolds. Kyle McLachlan. There's cast and cameos that shouldn't be but are.

I thought that Tommy Wiseau's The Room was incoherent. Then I watched Mad Dog Time and learned there's levels to this shit and its on another plane I hadn't yet experienced.

The opening credits have a space themed backdrop and a Sinatra song playing. Rat Pack music features heavily in this. It was written by the son of Joey Bishop who was part of that crew. He plays a character in it also.

From the beginning nothing makes sense. A bunch of mob goons are sitting in a room. One starts spouting a monologue about a rival. Another one sitting nearby is agreeing with him and then the first guy just up and shoots him. Then he starts saying more stuff about people we have no context about and the scene ends.

After that the main plot of the movie is that Vic is getting out of the looney bin. Yeah, you know Vic. He owns the place called Vic's where most of this movie takes place. So all these mob people keep saying to each other that Vic wants to kill them and why. Its hard to describe accurately because I don't understand what was going on.

Then a bunch of them up and decide that Vic wants to kill Mick because Mick is hiding Vic's girl from him. Mick is played by Jeff Goldblum. Mick is also hanging out with Rita who is the sister of Vic's "girl" Grace. Rita is played by Ellen Barkin. Neither Jeff or Ellen got paid enough to have this movie listed on their imdb page for the life of the internet.

These mobsters have disputes that are settled with a type of shootout that isn't named in the movie because its too stupid to bother calling it anything. They go underground to an office bunker type of place and sit at desks and do odd things like twirl their pistol in a showy way before they both know to just shoot simultaneously. Someone thought this was cool.

The dialogue in this movie is atrocious. You can almost feel the actors cringe when delivering lines. There's a part with enough fake laughter that I was like holy shit they beat Final Fantasy X to the punch with the Tidus laugh meme! Twice in this movie a character is shot to shit, obviously laying there dead but raises up to drop a line or two of awful dialogue then fall back over.

Vic is played by Richard Dreyfuss who should take ownership of this corny turd because he was in the credits as an executive producer. Vic gets released from the local mental health facility still wearing white robes and looking like he needs a bath. He doesn't just get released, no he's brought to his restaurant where he walks in like he's King Shit and everyone is applauding and chanting his name. Why? Because... fucking I don't know dude, this shit makes no sense.

Its like these people live at this nightclub and just go to this giant basement area to do their killing and just go back up the steps like they're coming out of the bathroom or something. There's this one goon who is supposed to be a legendary killer named Nicholas Falco and he gets killed by Mick but we find out it wasn't really him. Vic ends up introducing the real Nicholas Falco. Wowee what a fake out :roll:

Mick's friend... associate... idk is named Ben who is played by Gabriel Byrne and he goes after Vic by going on stage while Paul Anka of all people is singing "My Way" and joining in. Ben tries to be witty by changing the lyrics to be jabs at Vic and gets shot to death for it. Ben died because his plan was to take over a rival gang by talking shit about their leader through run-on sentences during a singer's performance. I can't believe that plan didn't work.

Richard Pryor appears in this movie. He should not have. It was a flagrant display of "I KNOW FAMOUS PEOPLE" by Joey Bishop's asshole son.

This "story" gets resolved when Mick just up and tells Vic that Grace wants to meet him after all. Grace is played by Diane Lane who is lucky enough to get in and out of this movie quickly. Grace reveals that she is pregnant with Vic's child. Rita arrives and slaps Mick like she's Will Smith or something because Grace mentions he'd been spending days with her while going with Rita at night. Grace then makes Vic choose between Mick and Nick. VIC MICK NICK JOKE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA Somewhere in this Tha Real Nicholas Falco gets shot to death by Grace. Outside Mick and Rita talk and we find out it was all a work between them. The slap was real but the anger was fake, they're glad to be alive.

We never find out why the opening of the movie was all spaced out. I kept expecting the curtain to be pulled back. I was hoping there'd be some weird machinations that are causing these moments to happen and its all a dream or bad hallucination. There's apparently no law enforcement in this universe because none is ever mentioned so these mobsters just do their thing. I think the movie said that these events happened during a time where lawlessness (I typed lawnlessness too many times) ruled the land or something. The narration at the beginning was weird. Context is important when writing fiction because nobody knows what the fuck you're thinking. Larry.

All that said I absolutely recommend this movie. If you enjoy Jeff Goldblum doing his Jeff Goldblum thing this is a movie that stars him. Its only an hour and a half of your life. Its funny in a bad way. You'll exclaim "What?!!??" quite often. Your eyes will bug out. Your head will slightly shake from left to right instinctually. This is a train wreck that somehow derailed zero careers.
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Re: Recommend some bad movies / discussion of them

Postby Pedgerow » Thu Jun 02, 2022 5:48 pm

iMURDAu wrote:
The dialogue in this movie is atrocious. You can almost feel the actors cringe when delivering lines.


There's a beautiful example of this in Robocop III. Various human police find themselves cornered outside a multi-storey car park (I forget what Americans call those) by some evil gangsters. Robocop, played by a different actor now, has driven away. It turns out he was driving to the top of the multi-storey car park, drives his police car off the roof, and plummets down, crushing the bad guys and saving his colleagues. He gets out, and Officer Lewis says, "Thanks for dropping by." Then there is a second or two of the deepest, quietest, most harrowing silence you will ever hear, as all the cast onscreen visibly reconsider their choice to feature in this film. Nobody laughs. None of them will ever laugh again. Then everyone recomposes themselves, and the film continues as if nothing had happened.

It's one of my all-time favourite moments in cinema.
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Re: Recommend some bad movies / discussion of them

Postby jbobsully11 » Thu Jun 02, 2022 11:23 pm

It's a parking deck or parking garage over here. Which is weird to me, because neither a deck nor garage of any other kind is that tall. *shrug*

I actually saw the first Robocop a few weeks ago, and was mildly surprised by how entertaining it was. Maybe I should watch the sequels (but I probably won't).
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Recommend some bad movies / discussion of them

Postby iMURDAu » Fri Jun 03, 2022 10:13 pm

Robocop 2 is worth watching if you enjoyed the first one. Its not as good but its still good. Robocop 3 exists for some reason. The reboot of Robocop is something else I consider proof that there is no God or any divine entity in control of or manipulating things.
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Re: Recommend some bad movies / discussion of them

Postby Pedgerow » Sat Jun 04, 2022 5:15 pm

jbobsully11 wrote:It's a parking deck or parking garage over here. Which is weird to me, because neither a deck nor garage of any other kind is that tall.


Thank you. But aren't all garages parking garages?

Anyway, I actually thought the Robocop reboot was better than a lot of people say. It goes for the same satire that the original Robocop had, and it doesn't manage it as well, but it's still better than your average reboot.
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Re: Recommend some bad movies / discussion of them

Postby jbobsully11 » Sat Jun 04, 2022 6:24 pm

Pedgerow wrote:Thank you. But aren't all garages parking garages?

I thought most of them were "tools/random shit" garages, but maybe.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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