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By Matthew Notch | 17th May, 2013 | 4:29 am | Things that Occurred to Me Just This Week

Things that Occurred to Me Just This Week
Things That Just Occurred To Me THIS This Week

Hey, have you guys seen this?:

For the love of Mick, how many times is Gordon Ramsay not the guy we dislike? Some folks today on Reddit were speculating that perhaps Amy Bouzaglo has this: ... y_disorder

which, probably, she doesn't. She probably has something more akin to Borderline, which I fear is going to become a diagnosis du jour soon, but at any rate... when you clicked the above link and read it, man, it sure sounds like you, doesn't it? This is the trouble I have with psychology. I do feed on drama, but I mean, is that a disorder? On the other hand, if I feel really troubled and am just looking for answers, then every link like that is a little splash of false hope. Or maybe a splash of true hope, once in a gajillion times. The point, though, is that I don't think any one of us has any one thing going on, either. You can't hardly pin it all down to one thing. You just kind of throw all sorts of therapy and medication at it, and whatever sticks, sticks.

But I seriously wonder if I'm the "Appeasing" type of HPD...

Bath & Body Works is the Axe bodyspray of women. I hate that stuff. I am as passionate about my hate for Bath & Body Works scented lotion as I am dispassionate about the color of your bathroom wall right now. Here, I'll relate an anecdote:

So the other night Mrs. Notch and I visit McDonald's. We order a pair of soft drinks from the drive-thru. A lovely and kind young woman fills our order, and as she hands me the drinks I smell that distinct fragrance... I want to say it's flowery in the way that Mountain Dew tastes like fruit. Speaking of sodas that taste weird, guess what? The straw and the lid were also coated in that gunk, and the rest of my Dr. Pepper tasted like lavender. Poor Mrs. Notch is terribly sensitive to perfumes; Fibromyalgia sufferers are frequently sensitive to fragrances, especially strong ones, so even a damn pop put her in a state that evening. Just saying, kids. Stop wearing that stuff. Take a shower or something. But stop wearing that stuff.

Also if you think you might have fibro, click that link, it's pretty crazy.

You ever have one of those moments where you're driving along, and you have the radio on just for noise, and a terrible song comes on? And you don't even notice right away, in fact maybe you're so oblivious you even sing along for a little bit, and then suddenly you go, "Hey wait a second, I hate this song!" I had that experience this week with Kid Rock.



I hate that guy. I don't like his face, or his attitude, or his politics (but I don't like any politics either), and I don't like how he took two pretty decent songs and made one god-awful song out of both of them. BUT.

Look at this shit: (It's a link because, even on YouTube, there are freaking boobs, although the quality is poor enough that I'd probably have gotten away with it anyway)

So first he comes in with a goddamn fur coat and a goddamn pimp cane, doing a goddamn pimp walk, then he stops in the middle of the goddamn stage and a goddamn guy comes running out, and he hands his goddamn coat and goddamn cane and goddamn hat to the guy who gives him ANOTHER goddamn hat and a microphone, and then he does this:

Also, if you watch the video through, I'm fair certain he's got a visible erection through most of the second half of that song


I dislike that guy, but props for being a badass that early on.

Hey, speaking of gratuitious swearing, listen to this:

That is the song "Karate Chop" by Future, featuring that other guy, Small Dwayne or something or other. Did you know that's the clean version? I bet you didn't have any idea. That's because rap music can't stop swearing for two goddamn seconds to make a song that actually makes sense on the radio. Some of us actually still listen to the radio, guys. Used to be that the dirty ones were the songs you bought the record for, and there would be a few that didn't take too much sanitizing to be approved by the FCC. Nowadays it's common practice to just go all out with the swears and drug references and colorful metaphors for female genitalia. Don't get me wrong, I like a good swear; nothing punctuates a joke quite like a firm, healthy "taintpisser!" inserted in it. It's just... I feel like the sweary stuff is just an excuse to be lazy. Now, instead of creatively rhyming your lyrics, you can just end every line with "in this bitch", which is lame.

So I think I'm going to try and take a break from being sweary. Tomorrow. Today I'm sticking with taintpisser.

For some reason I was thinking about the movie Oscar, starring Sylvester Stallone in a rare comedic role. You know, as stupid as that movie is, I really enjoy it. It has 5.9 stars on IMDb and a 13% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. But anyway, I was remembering that Stallone played Marisa Tomei's father in that movie.

THAT Marisa Tomei.

And I was thinking that she just played Mickey Rourke's middle-aged stripper girlfriend in The Wrestler in 2008, so how old must she be then? She was apparently born on December 4th, 1964, so she's 48. So how the hell old is Stallone?

Born July 6th, 1946. He's 66 goddamn years old. And he looks like this.


I mean he doesn't look like a spring chicken, but that's a man four years short of 70. For context, here's a celebrity who is two years YOUNGER than me:


Now Stallone is something of a fighter in real life, and it made me think that maybe the key to longevity is to risk your life over and over again. So I'm going to try that theory out now by eating an entire bacon cheesecake with poutine frosting.

*leaves to eat cheesecake*

Wwwwelllll, I'mmm backkk!!111 eeExcceptt forrra aaa llittleee bbbit oofffff sshhhhaaakkingg iin ttthee eeexxtrremittieessssss,, IIi ttthinkk mmyy ttheeeeoorrry iiisss a sssuuccceeesss!!

What other celebrities are over 60? How about this pair o' jokers?


At age 71, he's 73 now


At age 72, I'd still hit it

Uh, actually that's all I got. It's surprisingly hard to find good looking people over the age of 60, I guess. I'm sure they're out there. I'm sure there are ladies out there, too--kinda weird how I only found good looking dudes over 60. Huh.

So there's that then.

How necessary IS Trop50, anyway?


Juice that isn't!

This Huffington Post article at least confirmed to me that the drink is not so great, but it leaves me wondering the same thing I wondered before I read it: are the people who drink orange juice anyway going to need this? Seems like OJ is kind of one of those things that those healthy people I keep hearing about on reality shows drink in the first place, so did we need to water it down and add stevia to it? Is doing that, indeed, the manner in which I need to start losing weight? I might do better just to stop eating my bacon cheesecake, or at least scraping off the poutine frosting, but this is America damn it.

On a somber note, on this day 23 years ago (Jesus), Jim Henson passed away. So here are a couple of videos to remember him by:

A really sad one (possibly the saddest video on YouTube actually)...

And a fricking hilarious one...

I recommend you watch both, maybe one after the other, maybe twice. Hearts everybody!

Tags: Pop-culture, Commentary, Rambling, Orange Juice 11

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