Friends, it is with a heavy heart that I talk to you today. You see, we really need to talk about the monster that resides in Florida.
No, not the state.
No, not the be-biceped man, Doodles.
I'm talking about the daywalker himself, Typical Michael.
God has been sending hurricane after hurricane to Florida in an effort to take back this monster; take it back to the sea, from whence it came.
When he was in South Korea, North Korea sent its top hit squad after him. They saw his pale skin and fled screaming, into the night. They also did their best to turn on all the fans when he was sleeping. Alas, he still drew breath.
BEWARE FLORIDIANS!
He walks among you, feasting on your elderly and the blood of Nascar fans.
This post is brought to you by Hate Week. Hate Week, it's not just for kids.