Fellow TCSers, you have heard tell of SilverMaple's delicious brownies, and I'm here to warn you: Do NOT eat them.
SilverMaple's brownies are addictive. They're basically cigarettes, but worse. Because she's just baking them as "gifts" for her "friends" the FDA refuses to get involved. This is Trump's America, folks, and it's all going to hell because of these Canadian brownies.
I know, I know. You're skeptical. "But Kate," you say. "These are just insanely delicious brownies. Everyone clamors for them. They taste fantastic! What's the problem?"
The problem is, before I had tasted these brownies, I looked like this:
Now, after a four week whirlwind bender, I look like this:
Once you start eating them, you can't stop. Brownies are now my life. She gets you hooked with the first bite, and then you need to come back for more, and more, and more. Why? Why would she do this?
Simple, my friends.
She's fattening. Us. Up.
Because she's a witch.
Duh.
She starts off all friendly. "Oh, sorry, here's some brownies for you, friend, eh?"
But by the time she's done with you, you'll be knee-deep in regret and crumbs.
I'm on the case. I've contacted some experts to help me deal with her. In the meantime, don't fall for her tricks. Yes, she seems like one of the most awesome people on the planet, and her baking skills are unrivaled, but what is she using these for?
This post brought to you by MS Paint, a lack of self control, and Hate Week.