by 52xMax » Wed Oct 28, 2015 5:40 pm
The concept of chivalry and the etiquette associated with being a gentleman, or indeed a lady, has its origins on social hierarchy rather than gender roles. The way of showing your social status was to behave like someone with a proper education and manners. One of the most famous examples is the tip of the hat, which is thought to have originated as a way for knights to remove their helmets as they met on the road, to identify each other. That story is likely apocryphal, but just as good a reminder that, like my earlier example, most of these behaviors had a practical reason at some point.
And as it happens, our society has been for the longest part patriarchal, with men adopting a protective stance towards women. Now, there are a lot of problems with that, and that's why for the most part we are moving on to more egalitarian societies, in the same way we are more educated as a whole, which is, incidentally, the reason the general population adopted chivalrous traditions such as opening doors and tipping our hats and whatnot, which used to be things that distinguished the rich and powerful from the common folk. You didn't see peasants putting their capes over puddles, because they had no shoes, much less wore capes. And nowadays we don't even wear hats, so plenty of traditions are being discontinued, while others that have equally impractical origins have persevered, because we have romanticized them, or are just too ingrained into the status quo that it might take at least a couple more generations for them to fade out, or maybe they will prevail into the next millennium.
Me? I'm not exactly old fashioned, but I was raised in a very traditional society which still holds to many of these standards. I have analyzed some of them, and for the most part I have no problem with them because they are innocuous gestures that in no way diminish anyone involved. Opening the door for a woman is just a thoughtful thing to do, as is lending an arm to cross the street; and as long as we're not talking about honor killings or challenging people to a duel, I don't think there is harm in being protective of a woman no more than it is being protective of a child, or an old person, or a member of someone's family, or really anyone we care about. It's not that the people who do it always think that it is their duty because Tarzan strong and Jane weak, because for the most part men who are not cavemen realize that women are capable of fending for themselves, but it is the thought that counts, and some people appreciate it for what it is, just a gesture.
Then there's the whole thing where men are expected to pay for dinner and stuff during a date, with the implied consequence that women must repay in *cough* some other way. This, I will concede, is definitely the fault of gender roles, and it's definitely fucked up. But again, if this was ever part of the social contract, it is not anymore, at least it's not the case for the most part in civilized societies. Mind you, men are still expected to pay for stuff even if women are independent and just as capable of earning money as men are, but that has always been part of the ritual of courting, and women used to have many suitors, none of them was entitled to even touch the hand of a woman without her gloves unless there was a chaperon. So I don't understand why some people think it's problematic so long as both parties agree to it. Also, whenever we have people over and take them out to eat, my father insists on getting the check as part of his host duties, and I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with wanting to bone any of the guests involved... but I'm getting off track here.
The point is more or less what Dox said earlier, except with a bunch more words.
"When in doubt... well, don't ask me!"