At least that's the title, for now.
Overall, it's an interesting article, but... I've got to call "bullshit" on #3. Children Learn Nothing From "Timeouts".
This bit drove me nuts:
Children lack the experience and social intelligence to understand why it is that they're being punished, much less the ability to analyze their own behavior -- little kids' brains just don't work that way. So, the kid remains unrepentant, stewing over the fact that their parents suck and have wrong opinions, and, when they grow up, they'll make up their own set of random-ass rules that everyone else has to follow. Basically, that's how you get politicians.
So, what do you do instead? Well, see, the point of parenting -- however you do it -- is that you have to be there. A timeout is saying, "As a punishment, I'm going to stop parenting you for a while." Withholding parental interaction as a punishment is like taking away their toothbrush. The opposite would be what some experts call a "time-in" because even scientists are terrible at naming things. Another name for it could be "actually take time to talk to your kids about discipline every day, whether they're acting like assholes or not."
Since when are the two - talking to your kids about what they did wrong, and time-out's - mutually exclusive?
As an example, with a sample set of two, take my kids (please - wait, that's supposed to be a wife joke... erm... moving-on). I have twins, one boy, one girl, about 4 1/2 years old. Girl-child hates, hates, hates disappointing us. Simply saying, "Girl-child, what you did just now really disappointed us because..." is all it takes. Boy-child is a different story. He relishes the acknowledgement and attention - a stern talking-to elicits smiles, denials, and more smiles. The only thing that works with him is time-outs.
Now, before a time-out, he is offered a choice. See, kids, as their little brains are forming, actually can evaluate choices, almost like they are little people, or something (mind-blowing, I know). Remember, "Children lack the experience and social intelligence to understand why it is that they're being punished". Who and how does that ability miraculously appear? How about by offering choices such-as, "Continue this behaviour, and you will go to your room, because what are doing is not acceptable"?
Talking him into his room, "This is why, and you made a choice", leaving it open "Come down when you are ready to apologize", and enforcing it, "Why were you given a time-out, and no, mumbling 'sorry' doesn't cut it", is key. But, it's not exclusive. Boy-child responds to time-outs, and he understands exactly why they happen.
So, what do you do instead? Well, see, the point of parenting -- however you do it -- is that you have to be there. A timeout is saying, "As a punishment, I'm going to stop parenting you for a while." Withholding parental interaction as a punishment is like taking away their toothbrush. The opposite would be what some experts call a "time-in" because even scientists are terrible at naming things. Another name for it could be "actually take time to talk to your kids about discipline every day, whether they're acting like assholes or not."
Yes, agreed, except no, not at all. It's not a one-or-the-other scenario. Thinking, "A timeout is saying, "As a punishment, I'm going to stop parenting you for a while."" is... nonsensical. A time-out IS part of parenting. I really don't think boy-child is going to develop abandonment syndrome because he chooses to earn his way into a time-out, be challenged to understand why, and stop throwing grenades at his sister with the pin out (pin-in, son, PIN IN!).
Going back to, "Children lack the experience and social intelligence to understand why it is that they're being punished". Yes, they do - that's, ya know, the entire fucking point of parenting. They have the tools (wee brains), but they don't know how to use them. The idea that kids are alien creatures who cannot understand choices and consequences is so flawed that it numbs me to think about. They do know why they are being punished IF YOU TELL THEM. Take away the consequences of making a choice, "If you throw one more grenade without the pin and you're getting a time-out", and it's not a choice, especially to a kid who is looking for attention. Yes, we could drown him in hugs and sunshine, and he'll quickly learn that tossing grenades sans-pin results in good times. Positive reinforcement does not work without the possibility of negative.
Otherwise, a good article.
Sorry about the rant.