Favorite Comments

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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby rowdyrodimus » Sun Jul 31, 2016 3:30 pm

A lot of people seemed to like this comment I shared on that Suicide Squad/Hot Topic article on Saturday and it's a really good memory. The guy that helped me with the makeup died a year after we graduated and today would've been his 40th birthday, so it's my favorite comment of mine (Does that count? Judges?)
RowdyRodimus2 Said:
"His description of wearing a Riddler inspired combo and getting asked if he was Two Face reminds me of the costume contest I entered. I was in High School (before the Tommy Lee Jones Two Face came on the scene a year later) and bought two suits from the Salvation Army and my grandma cut them in half and sewed the two together. Then I used gelatin and latex to make half of my face look horribly scarred, used grease paint to make it green (back in te day Two Face's scarred side was green). Then I went onstage and proclaimed that I demanded not first place but SECOND place. I was into it. I would've won 1st place but refused and took 2nd because that's what Two Face would do."
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby Qinglong » Sat Oct 08, 2016 1:38 pm

In Felix's Clay's delightful article, 5 Depressing Things I Saw At My Local Small Town Comic-Con, Nohero08 inscribed upon the very ether:
Nohero08 wrote:"The Overall Experience Was Sad ... But In A Good Way"

That's weird...you sound a lot like all my ex girlfriends in this article.

"This may not be your cup of tea, and in fact may seem like the living embodiment of abject horror and boredom, but hey, we're different people, and I'm trying to be more positive lately"

Huh. I've heard this before too...

"I literally held a sausage in my hand while I snapped photos of Alan Thicke"

Alright Susan. I know it's you now. Look. You can't keep writing about our relationship. You told me you'd keep the thing about me dressing up as a security guard and having a guy slap my man titties secret. You know I didn't want to do that.

Also come back. I miss you.
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Man created logic and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know.
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby Qinglong » Sun Oct 16, 2016 8:37 pm

In 5 Bizarre Realities Of Video Game Universes We Just Accept, JJvagnar spake thusly:

JJvagnar wrote:#4. Actually, the human enemies actions follow sound logic

*Bandit one, standing watch at cliff overlooking the mountain path, waves his hands desperately to gain attention of bandit chief*

Bandit chief: "Yeah, what's all the fuss?"

Bandit 1: "Boss, you won't believe it! Ok I've been watching this guy for the last three hours since he left Whiterun, that one there! Wearing full plate Daedric armour that makes your eyes bleed just to look at it and riding the demonic steed that seemingly flickers in and out of existence"

Bandit chief"What? Oh, you mean the one holding the giant Enchanted Greatsword with one hand as though it weighed less than a stick, and the aura of such Sorcerous might he is like a raw, bleeding wound on reality?"

Bandit 1 : Yeah, the one heading right for our pass. I first saw him killing Skyracker the Unkillable in a duel a few hours back, and then looting his body. I lost track of him for a bit when he went into the cave of No Return, but he returned an hour later with the heads of the 8 Daedric Lords who had ruled there for 100s of years tied to his saddle. Then he single handedly attacked the Thalmor's fortress barracks and put it to the torch after slaughtering the entire garrison. Then, I saw him charge into the Vampiric dreadhold of-"

Bandit chief "Look, is there a point to all this?"

Bandit 1: "Don't you get it, after all he's done he must be LOADED with loot! And he's headed right this way!"

Bandit chief: "... dude... YOU ARE A FRICKIN' GENIUS!"

Bandit 1"Haha, I know right!"

Bandit Chief "MEN, put on your leather armour, grab your iron swords and follow me to the pass. We're gonna be rich!"
  • 12

Man created logic and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know.
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby Qinglong » Sat Nov 05, 2016 5:49 pm

In the Photoplasty 17 Dumb Things We Do Just Because We Always Have, #17 is:
Jordan Rudow wrote:Men, stop rushing to open doors for women. Even with the most innocent chivalrous intentions, the gesture implies that women are weak and require the constant aid, protection, guidance and control of men.

This led to more comments than almost any other Photoplasty I've ever seen. Some are thoughtful, and some are just hilarious.
pgok15 wrote:When you see a woman approaching a door, instead of opening it, firmly grasp the handle and try to keep it closed. It shows her that you believe she is your equal in physical strength and it is a sign of respect.
DavidSmack wrote:This is indeed how men handle doors with other men nearby. I haven't left my building in weeks, but I'm respected, dammit.
Jaw00001 wrote:I held the door open for a man the other day, and I suppose that makes me a fancy lad.
TraabFellhammer wrote:No no, the proper way to make her earn an open door is to fight her for the right to go in first. If women are our equals, then she should be able to stand up to a shoulder check and a trip attempt and get through that door before me!
Naughty wrote:I never open doors for women because otherwise they escape.

Rocketboy1313 wrote:#17: Go f**k yourself. Everyone should be nice to each other and little gestures matter.
Greenville_Gent wrote:I love it: "Go f**ck yourself. Everyone should be nice to each other..."

Priceless.
  • 13

Man created logic and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know.
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby Qinglong » Fri Nov 11, 2016 8:45 pm

I've been reviewing older articles by Chris Bucholz. In 24 Questions I Shouldn't Have Asked the Wikileaks Founder, this exchange occurred:
Bunnyripper wrote:Wait.

Did this actually happen?
sprayette wrote:Yes. It happened exactly as it is transcribed here. Every. Single. Detail. I should know, I was there, hiding behind a ficus, masturbaring wildly.
dan0607 wrote:THAT WAS YOU!!!!

I think there was a misspelling in the second comment, but I can't be sure.

Incidentally, the link to this article is through the Wayback Machine, so you get to look at the old Cracked if you're so inclined.
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Man created logic and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know.
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby skooma » Wed Jan 18, 2017 7:25 am

"Jeffrey Dahmer's father tried to stop him. He said, "Jeff, I don't like your friends." Dahmer replied, "That's cool Dad, just have the salad."" ~ GJTom in response to

"Why do women love serial killers?
They take their breath away." ~ SexierThanYou

Comments on this article are overall a goldmine: http://www.cracked.com/article_24434_th ... -kids.html
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Skooma seems the type of person to chase me down and force me at gun point to receive their encomium with good graces. ~Jack Road

* I got caught in the crossfire of one of skooma's fucking frisbees ~Sister Morphine
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby D-LOGAN » Wed Feb 08, 2017 10:42 pm

skooma wrote:Comments on this article are overall a goldmine: http://www.cracked.com/article_24434_th ... -kids.html


Maybe it's the guy who wrote it. He probably brings about the best in the commenters ... whomever this undoubtedly handsome fellow is.
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Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby NathanLoiselle » Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:53 pm

D-LOGAN wrote:
skooma wrote:Comments on this article are overall a goldmine: http://www.cracked.com/article_24434_th ... -kids.html


Maybe it's the guy who wrote it. He probably brings about the best in the commenters ... whomever this undoubtedly handsome fellow is.


Wait a moment. B.T.Doran ... D.Logan. Is there a causal link there? Well, is there?
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby D-LOGAN » Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:54 pm

Ah he's a good kid. What can I say, I taught him everything he knows.
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Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby skooma » Thu Feb 09, 2017 5:56 am

AHA!

Now I had to wonder what it says about me that the two I've read are the "all about epic evil" ones. Don't you realize that once we find these things out we start reading the mystery author in question? Otherwise I barely glance at Cracked, and besides Wears, tend to hold out for Bucholz or Felix.
  • 6

Skooma seems the type of person to chase me down and force me at gun point to receive their encomium with good graces. ~Jack Road

* I got caught in the crossfire of one of skooma's fucking frisbees ~Sister Morphine
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby archaeologydalek » Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:15 am

REDACTED
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Last edited by archaeologydalek on Sat Feb 10, 2018 6:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby DoglovingJim » Mon May 22, 2017 2:24 am


Found this lovely conversation on the you-tube in a video about Bob Marley, if I delved deeper I wouldn't be surprised to find several more.

funny comment.png
funny comment.png (44.1 KiB) Viewed 2250 times
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Image

Edgar Cabrera wrote:HOLY SHIT GUYS, IT'S DOGLOVINGJIM!!! HE'S HERE!!!

skoobadive wrote:It's the legendary DoglovingJim! Ohboy, this must be the greatest day of my life!

Cracked.com wrote:Initially, his interest in animals was "primarily a sexual attraction," but as he grew older, he also "developed the emotional attraction." We guess we could call what Jim does ... dog-lovin'
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby Qinglong » Sun May 28, 2017 7:04 pm

Once upon a time, the following comments were left on 7 Adorable Animals That Will Make Your Heart Sing.

stingrae wrote:okay so the turkey video is real cute and all

but i'm going to go ahead and ruin it:

that turkey isn't going for the hug. oh no. he is going for the full-on semi-horizontal tango. the cloacal kiss. the one-and-done fun. the that turkey thinks that man is a big, sexy (if kinda weird-looking, but obviously he doesn't judge) turkey, and he's trying to get himself a piece.

legitimately. turkeys very often mistake people for - say it with me - big, weird, sexy turkeys. if you've ever been hunted through a petting zoo by one, now you know why.
HellBunny wrote:Okay, I want to hear this story stingrae.

stingrae wrote:Since HellBunny asked:

Once, when I was about thirteen, I went with my family to one of those cutesy pick-your-own places, up in Massachusetts. They had a hayride through the orchards, a quaint little farmstand to buy cider and local baked goods, and - as I was elated to find out - a fuck-ton of animals, ranging from emus to highland cattle to - you guessed it - turkeys.

Me, being a budding artist with a hankering for some close-up sketch sessions with the petting zoo animals, went into the pen with my young cousin, and started walking around. There were sheep, goats, ducks and things - and one big-ass turkey. Now, I was pretty absorbed in my drawing, and I didn't notice the turkey at first.

Until he started walking up to me and making these warbly coo-gobbles at me, winding around my feet and nearly tripping me up. I had, at this point, not a single idea about the ridiculously indiscriminate sexual habits of turkeys. I thought he was just, you know, really friendly. He walked right up to my cousin and happily received some petting, and from then on he was on us like glue.

We spent close to an hour in that enclosure, me sketching and my cousin having a ball interacting with the animals, and the turkey was just - following us around. Still, I didn't sense anything was up. He was making those weird throaty gobbles and fanning his tail and all that, and I just sort of assumed it was a dominant display, a don't-mess-with-me thing.

And then I made the mistake of crouching down to get up close and personal with a goat that had laid down. I should mention: at this point in my life, I had decided that blonde was just not my speed, and had just recently dyed my hair red. Not auburn, not deep red, fire-truck red. Blazing, bright, vivid - and to this turkey - irresistibly red.

I never had a chance. I heard the sound of wingbeats behind me and then suddenly my head was the perch for twenty-odd pounds of amorous turkey.

Friends, it was the most terrifying experience of my life. Its feet dragging down my back and trying to get a handle on my shirt, the wings beating at my ears, my cousin screaming because I, too, had begun screaming - it knocked my glasses off of my face and for a few seconds my world was nothing but gobbles and feathers and the blurred panicked face of my cousin, who was, of course, still screaming.

I finally stood up, bucked the damn thing off like a majestic rodeo bronco, and grabbed my cousin's arm to hightail us right the hell out of there.

I sent my aunt into the pen to get my glasses, because I swear to god that turkey was still watching me.

I still take a strong amount of vengeful schadenfreude in eating the HELL out of some Thanksgiving turkey. Ornery fuckers.
  • 11

Man created logic and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know.
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby Qinglong » Fri Aug 18, 2017 1:22 am

From the vast emptiness of time, I speak!

In the insightful article, 5 Romantic Comedy Tropes That Would Be Creepy In Real Life, this comment thread was born:

weleasewodger wrote:6) Quitting your job is not a romantic gesture,

So many movies have the bizarre trope that being unable to go to your partners play/ear wax penis sculpture exhibition/karaoke night/ninja fight because you're at work is slightly worse then sleeping with their pet squirrel.

A caring partner we're told with walk out mid meeting or while saving a burning bus of orphans from falling into a cavern full of rabid hamster-wolf hybrids because " their true love needs them"

If course of you don't support your partners needs you're a massive d******e but equally if as an adult if you can't handle your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/host body has responsibilities and ambitions that don't exclusively revolve around you, you are also a cumtoad.

On a sidenote supporting your significant other also involves pointing out that their life long dream is stupid/flawed/probably fatal. Sometimes saying, and

" Look i know this has been your life goal since you were six but very few people will buy a subscription service where once a week you pee on their furniture while singing the Power Rangers theme" is the kinder option.
McSerious wrote:Not only are you so correct that I find you sexually attractive, but 'cumtoad' is definitely a term I will be using in future.

Gordon-Callahan wrote:Such a specific service.

Was it your dream, or a love interest that turned out much crazier than led to believe?

Sebbydoo wrote:Who doesn't sing that while peeing?

"Go go peeing ranger."

It gets me pumped. The only problem is it is hard to go when I have an itchy red ranger.

Xlurker wrote:I keep trying to go to my partner's ninja fights, but I can never find them. I show up where they're supposed to be and it's like nobody's there.

Rafael.Ruivo wrote:You knew that I would read "karaoke night/ninja fight" as "karaoke ninja fight", didn't you? Now I've wasted an entire morning picturing that in my mind.
...thanks?

weleasewodger wrote:I went to a karaoke ninja fight, everybody was kung foo fighting.

Khodabear wrote:This whole exchange should be its own article - but then headline guy would screw it up
  • 15

Man created logic and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know.
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Re: Favorite Comments

Postby archaeologydalek » Fri Jan 12, 2018 5:58 pm

REDACTED
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