Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby reallifegirl » Tue Aug 02, 2016 7:03 pm

(Reuters) Texas police were shocked to discover the harrowing scene in an otherwise quiet stretch of land: a multi-level factory in the middle of nowhere, churning smoke and sparks into the air. But what was most shocking was what they found inside.

"All of the employees were babies," said Sergeant MacDonald, a long-time officer who appeared to still be in shock. "All of them. Not a single one was a day over two years old. I don't even know if you can call them employees, since we don't know if they got paid. I guess that makes them slaves. Baby slaves. Jesus." Our reporter tried to continue the interview, but Officer MacDonald wandered away from the scene towards a large bottle of gin he kept in his glove compartment.

The babies were found manning a variety of dangerous equipment, including fast-spinning propellers, hot stoves and boilers, and, for some reason, a wrecking ball. One baby was found driving a steamroller.

The man behind this odd and cruel scene was a suspect identified only as 'cmsellers', who was taken into custody. Officers reported that he displayed an almost malevolent disregard for the babies' safety, and seemed to enjoy running the machines as dangerously as possible to, quote, 'Make things interesting'.

"We're not even sure what these babies were supposed to be making," added Lieutenant Davis. "There didn't seem to be any products being created. None of the machines even linked together."

Cmsellers is being charged with several thousand counts of child abuse, kidnapping, and reckless endangerment. Local judge Sandra Massey was quoted as saying, "We may need to come up with whole new charges just to cover how incredibly fucked-up this is."

Asked if he had any regrets, cmsellers replied: "If I could do it all over again, I would have used even younger babies."
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Re: Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby JamishT » Wed Aug 03, 2016 5:55 am

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Re: Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby Learned Nand » Wed Aug 03, 2016 6:41 am

Wait, so you're saying that this baby factory was a factory that employed babies, rather than one that manufactured them? I'm confused. Then where are babies supposed to come from?
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Re: Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby blehblah » Wed Aug 03, 2016 1:42 pm

It just goes to show, never trust someone with "sell" in their name. You have to ask yourself, "What is he selling?" In this case, obviously some CM. So you have to ask yourself, "What heinous thing could CM stand for?" Probably a lot of heinous things, I'd wager. And putting the datapoints together, it involves babies.

Beyond that, if he's such a piss-poor baby factory manager that he can't even keep babies from talking to the feds, he's probably useless. Most baby-owners desperately try to get their babies talking, and fail, sometimes for years - nothing but babble and blubble and nonsense. Yet, here, this seller of CM's managed to slipshod manage a baby shop to the point that a baby managed to tip-off the man. Hell, that's beyond accidental foolishness, it's downright willful stupidity!

Anyway - I guess when it comes to baby industriousness, I get a little emotional. There is just so much mismanagement of baby sweatshops that I decry the state of executives these days. Truly, the one-percenters like this CM punk are running our baby-borne economy into the ground with their infantile behaviour!
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Re: Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby iMURDAu » Wed Aug 03, 2016 4:08 pm

aviel wrote:Wait, so you're saying that this baby factory was a factory that employed babies, rather than one that manufactured them? I'm confused. Then where are babies supposed to come from?


Obviously Title Guy wrote the headline of the story and made the topic title.

Human babies can occur naturally when compatible partners link. Unless one of them has seen Krashlia's face. The human body shuts down its reproductive system upon viewing such a horrible sight in order to prevent mating with such a monster.

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Re: Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby Australia » Wed Aug 03, 2016 4:19 pm

blehblah wrote:It just goes to show, never trust someone with "sell" in their name. You have to ask yourself, "What is he selling?" In this case, obviously some CM. So you have to ask yourself, "What heinous thing could CM stand for?"

From the context of the article, I find it pretty obvious that it's Children Mostly.
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Re: Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby sunglasses » Wed Aug 03, 2016 9:16 pm

aviel wrote:Wait, so you're saying that this baby factory was a factory that employed babies, rather than one that manufactured them? I'm confused. Then where are babies supposed to come from?


The babies have been coming from Brown Recluse's baby farm*

*may contain spider DNA
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Re: Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby Crimson847 » Fri Aug 05, 2016 1:12 am

aviel wrote:Wait, so you're saying that this baby factory was a factory that employed babies, rather than one that manufactured them? I'm confused. Then where are babies supposed to come from?


That's what the cloning vats in the basement are for.
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Re: Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby jbobsully11 » Fri Aug 05, 2016 5:31 am

aviel wrote:Wait, so you're saying that this baby factory was a factory that employed babies, rather than one that manufactured them? I'm confused. Then where are babies supposed to come from?

Sears or Kmart.
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Re: Cmsellers arrested after baby factory discovered (HW)

Postby DoglovingJim » Fri Aug 05, 2016 8:28 am

Australia wrote:
blehblah wrote:It just goes to show, never trust someone with "sell" in their name. You have to ask yourself, "What is he selling?" In this case, obviously some CM. So you have to ask yourself, "What heinous thing could CM stand for?"

From the context of the article, I find it pretty obvious that it's Children Mostly.


Well, think a little further since thing is cmsellers we are talking about.

CM
Child Molester, one who prays on the innocent and weak, especially little boys under the age of eight. Drives a window-less van with duel sliding doors.

Little Johnny was walking home from school when he was abducted and molested by a CM that offered him candy (naturally cmsellers is much more of a freak than this generic child molester and so he instead threw bird seeds at little johnny before he did all the child-molesty stuff).


Sellers is just the poor guys surname. And why do you think it was a "baby factory"? Sellers is just trying to play inception in his own deranged way.
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