Australia is a place below goodness, decency, and civilization. It occupies a location beneath the laws of man and nature, as it follows its own putrid set of rules that are unfathomable to a decent, sane mind. In this squalid hellhole devoid of anything that we could call mercy or boundaries, the air is filled with a cacophony of pained shrieks and horrid, ear-piercing sounds that defy description, all emanating from the multitudinous hell-spawn that call the country and continent their home.
Located deep in the bush and undergrowth are creatures that will poison you, maul you, eat you and your babies, poison you, tear you limb from limb, and poison you. Things that have no earthly reason to be venomous—since they are already born death-machines with huge teeth and sinewy muscle—are venomous anyway because fuck you, you deserve to die twice.
The one creature in Australia that does not have a huge gaping maw that will swallow you whole and poison you on the way down is the deceptively cute koala bear, and it sounds like this:
That is a sound so horrible it will make you spontaneously abort from your unborn child trying to run the fuck away from whatever is causing that god awful racket... even if you aren't even pregnant... EVEN IF YOU'RE A MAN.
But we all know about the horrid wildlife. Let's go on to talk about the civilization, or the lack of it. It's no coincidence that Mad Max was filmed in Australia. Really, all they had to do to simulate Mad Max's run down world gone mad filled with sadistic bands of homoerotic leather-clad marauders was film a normal day in Australia and edit out the racism and violent alcoholism.
A normal day in Sydney.
In fact, this portrayal of the outback was so kind that the country's tourism board decided to use Mad Max publicity stills in place of their previous ad campaign—a series of images showing dead tourists with captions like "If the dingoes don't get you, the bogans will."
So in short, fuck you, Australia. You're a horrible continent.
I don't know why my fellow mods decided to team me up with a whole continent and not a user, but I'm making the best of it.