NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby Cordslash » Mon Aug 03, 2015 11:54 am

Unfortunately I've been paired with Nisi for Hate Week. Why is this unfortunate? Because it's too easy. The man has zero redeeming qualities, so finding a single aspect of his awfulness to pick on might take all week.

He is slothful, lazy, ignorant and frankly not very bright.

And as we all know:

Spoiler: show
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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby sunglasses » Mon Aug 03, 2015 12:53 pm

Woe be unto Vimes. For the Damiana Raven hast caused your unfortunate pairing. She is a bringer of woe upon all men. She is a child of Lilith. She causeth sheep to lie down with their shepherds and then sells it online. She preys upon the gullible men who thinks that that voice is really Jessica Alba. A cat-fish, I call her out!



Hate week.
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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby iMURDAu » Mon Aug 03, 2015 1:44 pm

You want to talk about futility? Try being paired with Askias. I read all of his posts a few minutes ago. That was a thrilling 7 minute ride :roll: Basically what I'm saying is:

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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby Revolving Royal » Mon Aug 03, 2015 2:02 pm

You think you have an easy target, try having my victim. He plays video games, you know what that means :roll:




Hate week, the hatening of hats
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Last edited by sunglasses on Mon Aug 03, 2015 2:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: added hate week tag. Curse your ways, Raven.
"We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out" -Ray Bradbury

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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby DjiboutiDan » Mon Aug 03, 2015 2:27 pm

I got stuck with Greg Frankenschtine and his 51 pages of posts, many of which espouse opinions that I agree with. Be more you controversial you derby-sporting cob nobbler!

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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby jbobsully11 » Mon Aug 03, 2015 3:17 pm

I got stuck with a tree that lives in Canada despite its tendency to break in the cold. Who the hell lives in the barren tundra north of the US with such low tolerance to cold weather? That's just poor planning.


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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby JamishT » Mon Aug 03, 2015 7:34 pm

Meanwhile, I get stuck with an incredibly normal guy. I mean, he isn't the least bit strange. Stupid? Sure, but that's normal. Uglier than a sheep carcass? Definitely, but that's also pretty average. All in all, it's really boring to try to hate on AdricTheNormal. He does live on America's dick though, so that's weird, I guess.


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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby Cordslash » Mon Aug 03, 2015 9:36 pm

Oh and then of course there's this. Nisi is the kind of person who stops and looks around as soon as he steps off an escalator, thereby blocking everyone else behind him.

In short he's this guy:

Spoiler: show
Image



Maybe this post is Hate Week, and maybe it's Maybelline!
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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby NisiOptimum » Tue Aug 04, 2015 12:48 pm

Um, this post is really mean and it made me sad :( I thought we were cricket buddies and everything! I even made a list of all the nice things that make Cordslash so awesome. And I'm still going to post it because I am a nice person like that.

Why Cordslash Is Awesome
-A list by NisiOptimum, professional lister


-His poor hygiene makes mine look better by comparison.
-Always stays cheerful, despite being Cordslash.
-He is very generous and always offers to pick up the check. It's a shame he's forgotten his wallet 293 times in a row, but it's the thought that counts.
-Forgetfulness means he is always getting into hilarious scrapes! Like when he forgot his keys and I had to help him break into his 9 separate houses.
-Always carries a duffel bag full of oregano, presumably for impromptu bakeoffs.
-Very frugal. Makes his own pants out of garbage bags and twine.
-Often catches seagulls out of the air in his teeth and devours them in a feral crouch. This keeps pest numbers down, although it upsets the children.
-Very strong. I have seen him fight multiple Rottweilers armed only with balloon animal giraffe.
-Is dating a balloon animal giraffe, which is very open-minded.
-Invented a sport where you weave your dreads into boxing gloves and pummel yourself senseless in line at Subway. I believe it will be in the Olympics soon.
-Very brave, like that time he downed a trash bag full of homemade cider in the park and then ran through the window of that HSBC.
-Always knows where his teeth are, if u kno what I mean.
-Frequent screaming probably keeps ghosts away.
-Very good at tunneling. I have seen him claw through 20 feet of dirt just to batter himself unconscious on my septic tank.
-Can communicate with rodents, although only only uses this power for crude sexual remarks.
-Has appeared in National Geographic on five occasions, twice with a reward attached.
-Terrifying bionic arm can punch through steel, which is a cool trick for parties or children's fetes.
-Always happy to show you his cool scars. You have to stop him before he gets to his dick scars though, because what they spell out cannot be known by man.
-Because of his constant incontinence, he always gets the whole bus to himself.
-Because of his constant incontinence, he always gets the whole Chuck E. Cheese to himself.
-He is a very good swimmer. No matter how many times we maroon him he always comes back. Once, we buried him in a vault, but he gnawed his way out.
-Always stuffs his jacket with thousands of dental dams to deflect shotgun pellets. Like the cub scouts said, be prepared!
-Loves tearing up old papers, meaning you never have to buy a shredder when you're friends with him.

So those are all the things that make Cordslash so awesome. Oh no! Do those all accidentally make him look like a big piece of shit instead? How terrible!

U big piece of shit.
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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby Cordslash » Tue Aug 04, 2015 6:50 pm

Oh. Oh.

My opponent wishes to engage in a character debate. Well gather round all you fine folk of TCS. Y'all know me, not one for mudslinging, but my worthy opponent...hey stop sniggering in the back there...my worthy opponent wants to debate character. So let's do that and y'all judge fer yourselves.

It has been brought to my attention that not only is Nisi a self-confessed philatelist, but his sister lives as a thespian in Atlantic City!



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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby Revolving Royal » Wed Aug 05, 2015 3:22 pm

Oh Cordslash, another respectable citizen felled by the crouching beast slouching towards TCS. I was too late to save your physical form, but your soul will not be damned! I shall shed holy light, and clensing fire, on the monster "Dr." Ambiguous!



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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby Cordslash » Fri Aug 07, 2015 3:57 pm

Do you guys know what's great? The Caribbean. Especially Barbados.

Spoiler: show
Image


That looks fantastic. Sun, sea, friendly people. Just the type of place to go on vaca...wait what's this?

NisiOptimum wrote:I grew up in Barbados but I'm currently in Leytonstone, London. I can't help but feel that I made a very poor decision at some point.


Oh no. What did the Barbadian (yes that's apparently a real word) people do to deserve this? Nothing that's what. Nisi was just spiteful to the lovely island which is why he's from there. And then he went and spread his awfulness to jolly old England, which Lord knows have enough problems already.

An apology is required Nisi. Both to the English for sullying them with your presence, and also to the good people of Barbados who actually happen to be pretty attractive.
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Re: NisiOptimum: A Study In Futility (HW)

Postby NisiOptimum » Tue Aug 11, 2015 2:30 pm

Cordslash wrote:Do you guys know what's great? The Caribbean. Especially Barbados.


Okay, I know hate week is over and I vanished as usual, but this crossed some goddamn lines! You sir have told a filthy lie about the wonderful country of Barbados. Specifically, because of global warming and algae blooms and and all the chemicals other countries keep dumping into the Atlantic, it actually looks like this right now.

Image

I demand a full apology to my people and our stinking, filthy tourist-repelling beaches.
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