[HW] The Bovine Invasion

[HW] The Bovine Invasion

Postby Dr. Ambiguous » Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:23 am

Fine citizens of The Comment Section, we have an epidemic on our hands, the bovines are invading, specifically cattle. You may be crying "but Ambi, we've always had cows, we use them for all sorts of things. Food, milk, leather. Why the sudden panic?" And that is a fine question. For it is true, we do raise cattle. We do use them for food, and we take their milk, and we use their hides for leather, and they work very well for all these purposes. But we have a problem. The cows are aware of all this, and they are not pleased. They cry out for their fellow cows before they are slaughtered. They are social creatures who can form deep friendships with one another, and they are planning a revolt together. They are led by this diabolical bovine.

The Evil Overlord Moo.jpg
The Evil Overlord Moo.jpg (438.22 KiB) Viewed 5501 times

This! Is the leader of the cow revolution! Do not be fooled by his feigned friendliness. Do not be taken in by his false stupidity. These animals are not the bumbling buffoons who can not even arise back to their feet after being pushed over, as they pretend to be. They are cunning creatures, plotting our destruction. And I fear they may be close to the checkmate of their master plan. Their numbers have been rising globally for the past 20 years and near almost 1 1/2 billion. It shan't be long until they have enough to move forward with their plans.

Global Cow Population 1990-2012.png
Global Cow Population 1990-2012.png (53.28 KiB) Viewed 5501 times

Denizens of TCS, do not ignore my warnings. Heed what I am saying to you, and do not buy into their deception. They are crafty bastards, capable of far more than we give them credit for. They have formed bonds with one another and are working together. Indeed, we can already ear witness to the fruits of their labor, as they have successfully convinced many that they are a holy animal, and are now regarded as sacred in the religion of many people across the globe. Do not be duped by their treachery, they are plotting. They are coming.

Cow Legion.jpg
Cow Legion.jpg (212.54 KiB) Viewed 5501 times

We cannot afford to trifle with these beasts. We must take this threat seriously if we are to be victorious. We must prepare for war.
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Re: [HW] The Bovine Invasion

Postby JamesT » Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:27 am

But tell me... does he drink straight out of the carton? These are questions we need to know the answer to.
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Re: [HW] The Bovine Invasion

Postby Dr. Ambiguous » Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:59 am

Worse than that JT, he and his comrades are in charge of milk production. The deliberately sabotage the milk they put in cartons. An investigation into their exact methods and the full extent of their nefarious milk meddling is still underway, but suffice it to say that it is truly terrifying. A full report should be available to you and the rest of the general public soon.

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Re: [HW] The Bovine Invasion

Postby NathanLoiselle » Tue Jul 29, 2014 4:24 am

Well thank god someone had the presumption to replace all our milk with their semen. We at TCS must surely be safe from the cow onslaught as a result.
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Re: [HW] The Bovine Invasion

Postby Nullbert » Tue Jul 29, 2014 10:08 am

Meh, I'd rather have a cow invasion than an Amish invasion, at least cows are more respectful, intelligent and clean. GOT BEEF!

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Re: [HW] The Bovine Invasion

Postby JamishT » Sun Aug 03, 2014 2:39 am

Nullbert wrote:Meh, I'd rather have a cow invasion than an Amish invasion, at least cows are more respectful, intelligent and clean. GOT BEEF!


Probably because you're causing famine where you are, and your neighbors are slowly starving to death. And some of them have figured out that you're the source of the plague.

The Amish have plenty of beef and also are the sponsors of this hate week post.
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