A Short Story Named George (HW)

A Short Story Named George (HW)

Postby WaitYAmIHere » Fri Aug 02, 2013 7:53 am

A Warning to TCS

In the beginning… Well there was a bunch of stuff actually so let’s just skip ahead to the important part.
The internet used to be a wild and unruly place. A place where one could easily get lost amongst the trolls and attention whores. A place where humor was a treasured commodity, to be hoarded and fought over. These were the dark times.

Darkness is not meant to last forever though. Eventually a safe place emerged. It was a grand website, where humor was shared freely. The guardians of this place kept the trolls at bay. It was called Cracked. All was good.

The creators and contributors were seen of as gods. Perhaps it is ignorance to view one’s betters as gods. Perhaps it is arrogance. Nonetheless they were worshipped by all. There was Soren the Beautiful, Jacopo the All-seeing Historian, John Cheese the Wise, David Wong the Insightful, and many others. The gods, in their wisdom, saw fit to create for man a comment section so that he too could craft humor.

For many ages did Cracked stand as a beacon of humor and safety amongst the darkness of the web. The comment section grew and many great beings arose from it. Without the trolls, people were free to learn and expand. All was good.

Light is not meant to last forever though. There was a War of Flames. None know how it started but it left the comment section in ruin. Some say trolls snuck in and started the war. Others claim it was a civil war. The reasons have been lost to history; all we know is that none were spared its horror.

The gods of Cracked looked down upon the comment section and were displeased. They had not created it as a place of war but as a place of peace. Some, in their fury, wanted to wipe the comment section clean. Whilst it was eventually decided that they would spare the comment section many were left afraid.

One commenter decided she would not live in fear of the gods. She would create her own comment section. There all could be free from the god’s fury. Some said this was blasphemy but others agreed. Together they built The Comment Section. All was good.

Or so we thought.

For a time The Comment Section, or TCS, grew much as Cracked had in the early years. The original creators, while never coming to be seen as gods, became wise rulers. There was Queen Tess the Enlightened, HarpingCarp and CarpingHarp, OrangeEyebrows, Kate, Gash, and many others.

One man though, was not made a ruler. His name? NisiOptimum. He grew resentful and proud. While TCS grew he continued to consort with the old gods of Cracked. There were warning signs of course. He was known for his betrayal during a game of pirates. None knew the depths of his treachery though.

NisiOptimum had sold himself to the Ancient Demons of the Old Net. Imbued with the power of 4chan, Something Awful, and… Scientology he had become something new, something horrible. NisiOptimum was no more, in his place was the demon known as NisiAntagonist

He attacked suddenly, without honor. On the one year anniversary of TCS, NisiAntagonist revealed himself. With an army of trolls he began to lay waste to all. It was only through the heroic sacrifice of Doodle Dee. Snickers that any survived that first battle.

What NisiAntagonist had planned as a short and brutal ambush turned into a three year long war. There are many stories that could be told, stories of honor and glory. There is the tale of JamesT and how his beard alone slew a thousand foes. There’s story of Kate and sunglasses launching a midnight assault on /B/ itself. The courage of Overlord Moo, Strant, and CarrieVS at the battle of the Twisted Wish Game.

In the end it mattered not. For every desperate act of bravery, honor, courage, for every sacrifice, there was another enemy. NisiAntagonist could not be overcome. TCS fell to his onslaught. In the last hours of the war OrangeEyebrows led several survivors to safety while Queen Tess herself stayed behind to hold off NisiAntagonist.

Now we live in hiding, talking only in whispers, moving from forum to forum hoping that NisiAntagonist doesn’t catch up to us.




I tell you this tale not to frighten or amuse but to warn. If TCS is to survive then we must strike now. NisiOptimum has already proven himself a liar and a traitor. Do not let yourself be deceived. Help me Hate NisiOptimum off the forum before it’s too late.



This post brought to you by Hate Week.
  • 19

Wait... How did I get back here?
User avatar
WaitYAmIHere
TCS Irregular
TCS Irregular
 
Posts: 580
Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 4:49 am
Show rep
Title: An imagination of a figment

Re: A Short Story Named George (HW)

Postby CarrieVS » Fri Aug 02, 2013 10:09 am

That's awesome, Yami.

What? No! Of course I'm not just saying that because you made me one of the heroes! Why would you think that?

Have you been talking to Tablo? He lies, you know. I guess it isn't really surprising that he can't think of enough real insults to keep up with me. You know, last night he actually impersonated me on IRC, to forge more fake ammunition! If he was actually successful at all it would be quite mildly annoying, but in the circumstances, it's so funny.

On a more serious note, though, I heard a rumour he's in league with Nisi, trying to spoil everything for the rest of us.


This post brought to you by Hate Week, furniture is not people even if it's made of bits of people (FiNPEiiMoBoP) division
  • 12

A Combustible Lemon wrote:Death is an archaic concept for simpleminded commonfolk, not Victorian scientist whales.
User avatar
CarrieVS
TCS Redshirt
TCS Redshirt
 
Posts: 7103
Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2013 7:43 pm
Location: By my wild self in the wet wild woods waving my wild tail
Show rep
Title: Drama Llama

Re: A Short Story Named George (HW)

Postby sunglasses » Fri Aug 02, 2013 1:17 pm

That is quite an epic tale.
  • 7

TCS Etiquette Guide

Rules and FAQs

Zevran wrote:Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speeds can kill.
User avatar
sunglasses
TCS Moderator
TCS Moderator
 
Posts: 11541
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 2:52 pm
Show rep
Title: The Speaker of Horrors.

Re: A Short Story Named George (HW)

Postby WaitYAmIHere » Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:53 pm

So we seem to be having a bit of trouble with our host today. I would say I wonder who's fault it is but I already know. It's abundantly clear that Nisi knows he's been exposed and is starting his assault early. Is there still doubt in your minds? Nisi is a monster and must be stopped at all cost. Please help me TCS you're our only hope.
  • 10

Wait... How did I get back here?
User avatar
WaitYAmIHere
TCS Irregular
TCS Irregular
 
Posts: 580
Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 4:49 am
Show rep
Title: An imagination of a figment

Re: A Short Story Named George (HW)

Postby Tablo » Sat Aug 03, 2013 1:40 am

Slander Carrie! Everyone know you consort with the gods of cracked on a daily basis. Was it not you that betrayed strant and overlord moo in the battle of the twished wish game.I on the other hand have kept my therapy thread from the forces of darkness.
  • 3

OrangeEyebrows wrote:Tablo, the resident shrink
Will cure all your ills in a blink
(If you're weird or you're lazy:
If actually crazy
You're better off turning to drink)

My therapy thread
Nothing to see here keep moving ,you signature looking looker.
User avatar
Tablo
TCS Camper
TCS Camper
 
Posts: 814
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:57 pm
Show rep
Title: Table,Therapist and ladies man

Re: A Short Story Named George (HW)

Postby CarrieVS » Sat Aug 03, 2013 9:10 am

Yes Tablo, that is slander. Clever boy. Have a sweetie.

It's a laxative chocolate.

This post brought to you by Hate Week, furniture is not people even if it's made of bits of people. Except chairs (FiNPEiiMoBoP.EC) division
  • 7

A Combustible Lemon wrote:Death is an archaic concept for simpleminded commonfolk, not Victorian scientist whales.
User avatar
CarrieVS
TCS Redshirt
TCS Redshirt
 
Posts: 7103
Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2013 7:43 pm
Location: By my wild self in the wet wild woods waving my wild tail
Show rep
Title: Drama Llama

Re: A Short Story Named George (HW)

Postby Nullbert » Sat Aug 03, 2013 10:53 am

WaitYAmIHere wrote:NisiOptimum had sold himself to the Ancient Demons of the Old Net.


They prefer to be called Cabreras or Edgars.

This post brought to you by Hate Week!
  • 6

User avatar
Nullbert
Time Waster
Time Waster
 
Posts: 1545
Joined: Mon May 06, 2013 5:32 pm
Location: The Bermuda Triangle
Show rep
Title: British Bastard

Re: A Short Story Named George (HW)

Postby NisiOptimum » Sat Aug 03, 2013 12:46 pm

A charming little story Yami. But that's all it is- a story. I on the other hand have facts to bring to the table. You see I've taken a little time to research the life of our good "friend" Yami. And what a sad and tawdry tale I uncovered.

August 19, 1959- A baby boy is born in Austin, Texas to Jacob Hitler and his wife Helen bin Laden.

August 20, 1959- All the cats mysteriously flee the city, never to return.

August 25, 1959- Due to an unfortunate attack of early-onset dementia at the registrar's office the baby is named WaitYAmIHere.

June 14, 1962- Helen dies after tripping over a child's tricycle and falling down the stairs. Since they live in a bungalow the death is ruled suspicious.

November 22, 1963- JFK is assassinated in Dallas, just a few short miles from Austin. COINCIDENCE????

August 25, 1966- Yami begins his education at Hogwarts School of Animal Dermatology. A few weeks later the Mozambican Civil War begins. COINCIDENCE???

June 6, 1968- RFK is assassinated in LA, just a few short states away from Austin. I'll let you make your own inferences.

November 24, 1969- Doctors are puzzled to find that ten-year old Yami now physically and mentally resembles a 30-year old man. He is known around Austin as an ill-favored, goatish boy much given to wandering amidst thunderstorms in the hills where his grandfather once shrieked the dreadful name of Yog-Sothoth in the midst of a circle of stones with a great book open in his arms before him. He also has a paper route.

April 10, 1970- The Beatles break up. Rumours that if you play While My Guitar Gently Weeps backwards you can hear George Harrison blaming "that prick from Texas" are unconfirmed.

November 32, 1975- Yami graduates high school. No-one cares.

November 17, 1976- Yami is expelled from Law School for being "too evil."

May 29, 1976- Yami is rejected from puppy-murderer school for being "too evil."

November 2, 1976- Running on a platform of revoking Yami's citizenship Jimmy Carter is elected president.

January 5, 1977- Every other country in the world refuses to take Yami, forcing Carter to restore his citizenship. His popularity plummets.

June 9, 1984,- Yami turns 25. The Crack Epidemic begins. COINCIDENCE????

August 4, 1987- Yami mysteriously disappears around the same time I'm getting bored of writing this. COINCIDENCE????

April 2, 2013- Yami makes his first post in the Cracked comments section. David Wong immediately threatens to remove the whole thing.

May 1, 2013- Yami joins TCS. Everyone is sad.


This post brought to you by hate week
  • 14

User avatar
NisiOptimum
TCS Camper
TCS Camper
 
Posts: 783
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 11:14 am
Show rep
Title: Duke of Chrome

Re: A Short Story Named George (HW)

Postby Australia » Sat Aug 03, 2013 7:47 pm

NisiOptimum wrote:November 22, 1963- JFK is assassinated in Dallas, just a few short miles from Austin. COINCIDENCE????


I'd like to believe you, Nisi, but then how do you explain this startling piece of circumstantial evidence?

evidence.png
evidence.png (308.96 KiB) Viewed 3267 times


This post brought to you by Hate Week and Laugh at Ash Week. I know taunting him seems like the least you want to do to him right now as your body fills with rage, but Stab at Ash Week isn't til December.

Image
  • 6

YamI JamesT Eyebrows Edgar Logan Eric Michael Tess Sunny Notch Kate Jamish Lao Carp Moo FaceCitizen Aquila Nisi Qinglong Chaise Nullbert NotCIAagent JackRoad Delta MURDA Bert Czar Ambi JulyJack Adric Marcuse SilverMaple Nudge 52xMax Damiana Doma Pumpkin Toy Fry Andro Carrie Snarky Royal RLG Pikajew Windy skooma Kleiner Java Sellers Piter Gisarmbards Grimstone Recluse Esteban Syrup Krashlia Twistappel MacReady Funkotron mcfooty Pseudoman Creepy Kivutar nerd Ladki Jim Youghurt satan GL Angler
Scari
User avatar
Australia
Resident Dickhead
Resident Dickhead
 
Posts: 4227
Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Take a wild guess
Show rep
Title: Kentucky Fried Colonel


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests