A Warning to TCS
In the beginning… Well there was a bunch of stuff actually so let’s just skip ahead to the important part.
The internet used to be a wild and unruly place. A place where one could easily get lost amongst the trolls and attention whores. A place where humor was a treasured commodity, to be hoarded and fought over. These were the dark times.
Darkness is not meant to last forever though. Eventually a safe place emerged. It was a grand website, where humor was shared freely. The guardians of this place kept the trolls at bay. It was called Cracked. All was good.
The creators and contributors were seen of as gods. Perhaps it is ignorance to view one’s betters as gods. Perhaps it is arrogance. Nonetheless they were worshipped by all. There was Soren the Beautiful, Jacopo the All-seeing Historian, John Cheese the Wise, David Wong the Insightful, and many others. The gods, in their wisdom, saw fit to create for man a comment section so that he too could craft humor.
For many ages did Cracked stand as a beacon of humor and safety amongst the darkness of the web. The comment section grew and many great beings arose from it. Without the trolls, people were free to learn and expand. All was good.
Light is not meant to last forever though. There was a War of Flames. None know how it started but it left the comment section in ruin. Some say trolls snuck in and started the war. Others claim it was a civil war. The reasons have been lost to history; all we know is that none were spared its horror.
The gods of Cracked looked down upon the comment section and were displeased. They had not created it as a place of war but as a place of peace. Some, in their fury, wanted to wipe the comment section clean. Whilst it was eventually decided that they would spare the comment section many were left afraid.
One commenter decided she would not live in fear of the gods. She would create her own comment section. There all could be free from the god’s fury. Some said this was blasphemy but others agreed. Together they built The Comment Section. All was good.
Or so we thought.
For a time The Comment Section, or TCS, grew much as Cracked had in the early years. The original creators, while never coming to be seen as gods, became wise rulers. There was Queen Tess the Enlightened, HarpingCarp and CarpingHarp, OrangeEyebrows, Kate, Gash, and many others.
One man though, was not made a ruler. His name? NisiOptimum. He grew resentful and proud. While TCS grew he continued to consort with the old gods of Cracked. There were warning signs of course. He was known for his betrayal during a game of pirates. None knew the depths of his treachery though.
NisiOptimum had sold himself to the Ancient Demons of the Old Net. Imbued with the power of 4chan, Something Awful, and… Scientology he had become something new, something horrible. NisiOptimum was no more, in his place was the demon known as NisiAntagonist
He attacked suddenly, without honor. On the one year anniversary of TCS, NisiAntagonist revealed himself. With an army of trolls he began to lay waste to all. It was only through the heroic sacrifice of Doodle Dee. Snickers that any survived that first battle.
What NisiAntagonist had planned as a short and brutal ambush turned into a three year long war. There are many stories that could be told, stories of honor and glory. There is the tale of JamesT and how his beard alone slew a thousand foes. There’s story of Kate and sunglasses launching a midnight assault on /B/ itself. The courage of Overlord Moo, Strant, and CarrieVS at the battle of the Twisted Wish Game.
In the end it mattered not. For every desperate act of bravery, honor, courage, for every sacrifice, there was another enemy. NisiAntagonist could not be overcome. TCS fell to his onslaught. In the last hours of the war OrangeEyebrows led several survivors to safety while Queen Tess herself stayed behind to hold off NisiAntagonist.
Now we live in hiding, talking only in whispers, moving from forum to forum hoping that NisiAntagonist doesn’t catch up to us.
I tell you this tale not to frighten or amuse but to warn. If TCS is to survive then we must strike now. NisiOptimum has already proven himself a liar and a traitor. Do not let yourself be deceived. Help me Hate NisiOptimum off the forum before it’s too late.
This post brought to you by Hate Week.