Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Fri Aug 02, 2013 10:21 pm

Oh great, make fun of the half-donkey guy's "haw".

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This is what Butts does to people, folks.


So it's come down to this, hasn't it? Making comments about each others ancestry. Well I am going to take the higher road and not even mention that ButtChocolate's ancestors came to America to flee persecution for their beliefs that not washing their hands was their religious duty, nor will I comment on rumors that his family still practices this belief to this very day.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Sat Aug 03, 2013 3:17 am

Buttston Smith enters the Ministry of Custom TCS Event Logos, searching for more information about his target. He needs to find out what JamesT is up to- why The Party would assign him such a seemingly fine, upstanding member. Buttston pages through file after file of artwork file submissions- a "Movie Night" logo, various article banners- everything here would indicate JamesT has only The Party's best interests in-

GASP!!!

Or so it would seem.
Spoiler: show
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A document folder spills out onto the floor, with specifications for a slightly different logo, and some development notes...

Evil, Unseen Forces wrote:Phase One: Hate Week will be implemented to test the subjects' levels of tolerance for manipulation and control. They will be pitted against one another in an effort to break them, and once this is accomplished...

Phase Two: JamesT's Beard Week is initiated! All inhabitants of Sectionia will be required to pay homage to the facial growth under penalty of law...


Buttston Smith had just encountered a closer shave with the truth than he had bargained for...
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Sun Aug 04, 2013 3:42 am

Well, it's time to bring out the big guns. I have here a page from ButtChocolate's private journal:

Spoiler: show
Today I nursed an injured dog to health. I found him in the street with a broken leg. I dressed his wounds using my own shirt and walked back to my home 20 miles away.


See? He's an absolute, selfish monst- *rereads journal* Crap. I think I probably should have read that before posting, shouldn't I?
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Sun Aug 04, 2013 3:56 am

It was inevitable Buttston Smith's opponent would go on the offensive at some point, but he didn't expect him to play the "reverse-psychology, look- I actually like my nemesis" card. Smith frantically paged through his enemy's file for any scrap of information he could use to match JamesT's "I'm rubber... but you're also rubber! Whatever you say to me bounces off of me and then you and back to me and then you again ad infinitum like a perpetual game of scoreless pong" approach.

On multiple occasions, JamesT has been instructed to throw his hands in the air, and wave them like he just don't care. But he has refused...

Spoiler: show
because he does care. In fact, he cares just a little TOO DAMN MUCH...!
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Sun Aug 04, 2013 5:16 am

Oh great, bringing up Pong again. Obviously the two paddles are meant to represent the conflict between my repressed desires and the mores of society at large, vis a vis the ball, which represents, obviously, balls.

Could you be any more transparent? And really, a gay joke? I thought we were past grade school antics.

Well if you want to play rough I can play rough. Since we seem to be going back to the playground I wonder how you'd like it if the Mortal Kombat high score you've been working on all year were to be made... obsolete.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Sun Aug 04, 2013 3:53 pm

Buttston Smith thought the Kennedy Assassination was horrible enough. But this-

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...Smith couldn't even begin to contemplate what kind of sick, twisted mind he was dealing with. This was a whole new level of perverted malfeasance he was encountering.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby Typical Michael » Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:40 pm

He went all the way to London, thinking we wouldnt find out.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:49 pm

Gigli?? Oh... Oh god.

I need a mod! I need a mod!

Well now this is getting nasty. How about we step back and consider one very important fact:

ButtChocolate takes pictures of other people's receipts. Obviously he's been stalking me, waiting for the perfect moment to strike! But it's no use, because I could literally smell him coming a mile away. Better wash those hands, partner...
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Mon Aug 05, 2013 1:36 am

Alas, my friend... as it turns out, it isn't my hands everyone should be worried about...

Ladies and Gentleman, under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy-

contract wrote:I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!


It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal!

Spoiler: show
You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose!
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Good Day Sir!


Spoiler: show
I SAID GOOD DAY!
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:37 am

Of course, Butts goes straight to the legal babble-something none of us can understand. That's just what I expected of someone so disconnected with the common man that they use 20 dollar bills to scoop up the diamond encrusted messes dropped by their 200,000,000 dollar cyborg dogs... just to drop it SOMEWHERE ELSE.

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How can the average TCS user even relate to such a man?
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby NisiOptimum » Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:44 am

JamesT wrote:How can the average TCS user even relate to such a man?


Extremely well?
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby Matthew Notch » Mon Aug 05, 2013 3:11 am

JamesT wrote:Of course, Butts goes straight to the legal babble-something none of us can understand. That's just what I expected of someone so disconnected with the common man that they use 20 dollar bills to scoop up the diamond encrusted messes dropped by their 200,000,000 dollar cyborg dogs... just to drop it SOMEWHERE ELSE.

butts dog.png


How can the average TCS user even relate to such a man?


I was gonna say... that's a problem I have all the time. Those twenties just don't hold feces unless you double or triple up on them, because the diamonds always tear through. It's not my fault the government makes such feeble tender that I can't even properly clean up after my (fully licensed) robotic animal companion.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:41 pm

Buttston Smith continues to dig further and further into the Ministry's files on JamesT despite his enemy's attempts to restrict his access to the truth. What exactly was JamesT doing in the Ministry's research labs?

"Computer," Buttston began "Please call up all current projects user JamesT's account is currently associated with and compile in a list."

The computer did nothing. Buttston should have expected as much, however, as this forum was in fact NOT designed with a voice recognition interface. He made note of this in his journal, and consequently waved a pointed index finger in the air- chalking this error up into his personal "my bad" column.

He then continued manually digging...

"Movie Night. Art You Went And Made. Improved Classic Beginnings. Hmmmm... nothing seemed out of the ordina- Hold on. What's this...? The Auto-Mod Project?

Auto-Mod Project Proposal, by JamesT wrote:The Auto-Mod Project represents the latest, cutting edge-advancement in forum moderating technology. Auto-Mods are advanced A.I. capable of autonomously patrolling forum threads, intervening when conflict is encountered and deleting offensive posts and topics instantly with minimal resistance, eliminating the need for involvement from human moderators who must exercise judgment and critical thought. Auto-Mods learn from their mistakes, and improve their moderating capabilities with every deletion. I propose that by the year 2020, Auto-Mods be put in place of all human moderators on TCS. Now, I understand there are concerns that the Auto-Mods are unstable and prone to malfunction, and in test trials have indiscriminately tried to takeover the forum and delete ALL topics and threads with extreme prejudice, going so far as to back track through users' IP addresses and vaporize them in real life. But I've made improvements since those demonstrations and I can predict with 99.91625378% accuracy that this will happen- which is to say that it is NOT 100%- meaning there is in fact a slight chance everything will be perfectly fine and no one will die, which I feel totally justifies this project.



"Gasp! Doesn't he see...!?! We have to stop him before it's too l-


Spoiler: show
Fast forward to 2020
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Good going, James. Real smooth.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby CarrieVS » Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:23 pm

You know who thought of the Auto-Mod project, and then, too cowardly to take the consequences on his own head, blackmailed poor, innocent JamesT into doing it?

I daren't tell you openly for fear of reprisals, but his name begins with T and rhymes with Pablo (which is in fact an alias he has been known to use).
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby Tablo » Mon Aug 05, 2013 6:12 pm

Shit they are on to us JamesT, send the auto-mods to eliminate them now JamesT.
Ha!HA! Carrie you and your lies.Ha!HA! Buttchocolate auto-mod program that is ridiculous.
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