Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Mon Aug 05, 2013 8:46 pm

I'd be careful of who you accuse of genocidal schemes, ButtChocolate.

I know for a fact that that picture is a shop- you can tell because ButtChocolate does NOT, in reality, have metal claws coming out of the back of his hands. His metal claws are in his feet, like a velociraptor. No, the picture that he so brazenly declares is a vision of things to come is in fact a retouched photo of my family picnic.

For shame, ButtChocolate... or should I say, ButtStalin!

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Do you know who was also into changing pictures to suit their agenda? Stalin. Butts is literally Stalin, sent here in a time machine to work you all to death in his chocolate mines. What's worse, he plans to institute a one comment per user policy, to equally distribute the words among the lower classes!

Stop class warfare now! Rise up against ButtStalin!
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Tue Aug 06, 2013 2:25 am

JamesT wrote:I know for a fact that that picture is a shop- you can tell because ButtChocolate does NOT, in reality, have metal claws coming out of the back of his hands.


Well obviously the claws would be installed in the Future in the horrible apocalyptic hellscape that would come to pass were JamesT's Auto-Mods allowed to be created. Who in their right mind would want to live in the nightmarish future James created without razor-sharp claws and metal fused to their bones? C'mon man, that's just a given.

JamesT... it's time to come clean. You've been hiding a horrible secret for too long. I... I didn't want to do this. But I admit that I'm partially to blame. Y'see... I DO know JamesT better than I've been letting on. We used to team up back in the day, and fight crime together. James here even took on a young ward of his own, who looked up to him and emulated him. Seedy. Seedy wanted to be just like JamesT. But... James was no proper guardian or father figure. All he wanted to do was tend to his beard and fire novelty arrows and make quips while I rounded up all the bad guys. And then one day, after we were out on patrol, we went back to our secret headquarters and found Seedy...

Ugh. Go ahead, James. Tell everyone about Seedy...
Spoiler: show
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Tue Aug 06, 2013 3:19 am

You promised never to speak of that! I can't believe you would betray me like that, Butts.

See what we're dealing with, people? A man who has no respect for the code "what happens while crime fighting stays there."

Besides, I think you're forgetting a little incident back when we were partners...
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Tue Aug 06, 2013 4:26 am

Well I could have done more to help the novelty accounts... if I wasn't always having to dive in at the last second to stop you from doing something foolish! But then, there was that fateful night, when I had to go out for scratchers and whiskey and I left you to your own devices against my better judgment...

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Dammit James! Why the hell do you wear those things anyway- I swear they're like fucking welders goggles...!!! You're the only guy in the city who ran around dressed like Cathy Rigby in Peter Pan- everyone knew your secret identity for fuck's sake!
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Tue Aug 06, 2013 4:55 am

Those sunglasses are prescription: A fact you should know very well since you spent the entirety of our crime fighting career tripping over something clumsily (even when there was nothing to trip over), smashing them into a million pieces, and hearing "Damn it Butts! Those are prescription and my insurance doesn't cover them!"

Of course, you never paid for any replacements.

But let's move past our little issues. I mean, you did some stuff, I did some stuff, but it was all petty. It's not like one of us went around punching other forum members/crime fighters while shouting about how their next victim would be a baby.

What's this? Oh, it looks like Typical Michael just sent me a photo of some times you had together. I'm sure it will be perfectly innocent.
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...For shame, Butts.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Tue Aug 06, 2013 2:40 pm

Fine. I'll admit to that one. Typical_Michael is a passionate man and can be tough to work with sometimes- but it's all in the name of quality. Tempers flare- but so don't creative energies! Sometimes when you run out of the right words to express all your thoughts to someone, a swift punch to the jaw is the next best way to pitch an idea. t_m's a REAL team player, and understands that things can get hairy- group dynamics are never easy- but in the end you crank out something you can BOTH be proud of. Then you pick yourselves up, dust yourselves off, shake hands, and lick your wounds over a couple of phosphates and talk about who's going to win the pennant and that newfangled "jazz" music that's all the rage.

But let's not pretend like you haven't had your own issues with t_m.

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Now that is low. I mean, bruised jaws heal and they can work miracles with dental implants these days- but forcing a man to commit to a tired old Garfield joke...?!? How do you look at yourself in the mirror? I mean, you knew that third panel was coming, and that t_m was too distracted to avoid it, and instead of warning him... you instead pushed him right into it! There's a line you just don't cross, man... You're a monster!!!
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Tue Aug 06, 2013 4:52 pm

You obviously don't understand true friendship, ButtChocolate, just like you don't understand soap or "not crying yourself to sleep every night". Michael and I have an understanding: sometimes we need to yell at each other to prevent ourselves from snapping at civilians. Real crime fighting is stressful for people who don't have magic chocolate rings that they found in a cereal box.

And it takes extreme measures to relieve that stress- measures like taking someone's uncle and playing a hilarious (if life threatening) prank on them.
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That's the kind of bond that can't be found in a box of processed sugars.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Tue Aug 06, 2013 7:09 pm

Oh here we go again...!

JamesT wrote:Real crime fighting is stressful for people who don't have magic chocolate rings...


Listen! For the last time- it's NOT "magic", James! It's alien super-science! I've told you time and time again! Gah! Why can't you get this?!? It was bestowed upon me by a dying member of a distant galactic race to protect the planet and make awkward allusions to feces! But NO...! YOU just label everything you don't understand as "magic" and go flying off the handle, screaming things like "It's sorcery! It's evil!" and "He's a witch! BURN HIM!" because you refuse to crack a goddamn science book, and the world is all just miracles and wizardry to you, isn't it!?!

How many bad guys and galactic threats did we have backed against the wall when you'd just throw a fucking net over me and start yelling "I've got him! I've got the wizard! Everybody- I've got the wizard!!!", and then they'd get away?!?

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THAT'S the real reason we broke up our team- because you trashed every single damn chocolate fountain ring charger I ever had, and I had to fucking recount my origin story every other issue just to try to get it through your thick skull that I wasn't some fucking demon from Hell trying to steal your soul!!! You drove the price of our issues down to 15 cents with your lunacy- nobody was buying our stories!!! (That picture up there- that's not from the Silver Age, people... that's from 2010! That's right- our comics were selling for 15 cents in 2010. And STILL no one was interested enough to read them!) I have a family to feed...!

Count yourself lucky that Typical_Michael was willing to team-up with you after that! He's a good guy- that's the only reason why! He'd call me once a week, and tell me things like "Dude, James is trying to free the miniature people from the television again." or "James is shooting arrows at planes and calling them 'steel dragons'- what do I do?" I didn't know what to tell him...! James... do you remember that time he drove you far out into the countryside and sped away? That's... that's my fault, actually. I feel bad because I thought it would work- I told t_m that there was no way you would ever find your way back home.

And now I... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Typical_Michael.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Tue Aug 06, 2013 8:09 pm

For your information Typical Michael LOVED my antics. That time he left me in the field? He wasn't following your advice, we were just training for a marathon. Ha! Listen to your advice? That's a laugh. The only reason he called you at all is because I told him how lonely you were. When we were partners the only phone calls you got were from telemarketers and you still talked to them for 4 hours, stringing them along with false promises that you'd buy something.

Typical Michael told me he couldn't even understand you on the phone- it just sounded like a bunch of fart noises.

But lets get off of him and focus on something important: your techno-babble... which you don't even understand. Remember that time you tried to fix the toaster by "reversing the polarities"?? That doesn't even make sense! The toaster doesn't have any polarities to reverse! Every time you "fixed" one of our appliances using made up words and some gum I just called a handyman and had him sneak in to fix the issue while you were out.

ButtChocolate's greatest nemesis:
Image

Of course you never noticed this, seeing as you were in a drug fueled haze for most of our time together and spent most of your off time assaulting endangered species:
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Wed Aug 07, 2013 1:55 am

JamesT wrote:Remember that time you tried to fix the toaster by "reversing the polarities"?? That doesn't even make sense! The toaster doesn't have any polarities to reverse!


Of course you're right, James. That was very stupid of me...

...

...

...

Spoiler: show
...I didn't realize until much later that I had to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.


BEHOLD!
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Toast in 1.3 seconds flat.
(WARNING: some quantum fluctuations will burn toast, and possibly wipe out existence. If this happens, try setting "darkness" dial one number lower and try again.)
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby LaChaise » Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:02 am

Image

Image

Image

JUST KISS ALREADY GOD DAMN IT!
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby JamesT » Wed Aug 07, 2013 5:26 pm

You know, we've been caught up in the past so long that it can't be healthy. Sure we had our difficulties while crime fighting but I like to believe we generally did some good. And you were fun back then.

Were fun.

Now it's all bad gardening and paper work. When was the last time you even put on your power ring? It's just sitting there among the papers.
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Well don't you worry: I still remember the good times and will do my best to keep them going:
butts office2.png
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Whether you want it or not.

Spoiler: show
Yes, the "GAS" label is backwards.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby ButtChocolate » Wed Aug 07, 2013 6:59 pm

JamesT wrote:Sure we had our difficulties while crime fighting but I like to believe we generally did some good. And you were fun back then.

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JamesT wrote:When was the last time you even put on your power ring?

Murp3.jpg
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JamesT wrote:It's just sitting there among the papers.

JamesT wrote:It's just sitting there

JamesT wrote:just sitting there

JamesT wrote:just sitting there

JamesT wrote:just sitting there


...
...
...

Spoiler: show
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THE ADVENTURE... IS JUST BEGINNING!

The End.







(Wait... What the fuck? How can it be "The End." if the damn thing says "The Adventure Is Just Beginning!" That's stupid. And what happened to the whole "Buttston Smith/Ministry" angle in the beginning? Are we just going to pretend that didn't happen?!? There's no consistency or internal logic to this entire thing!!! Also, why does Butts have hair in some pics and he's bald in others? JESUS! This whole thing was just poorly thought out and half of it is just nonsense! You stole half of your pics from old Green Lantern/Green Arrow comics for Christ's sake...! Who greenlit this stupid thing?!? Who the hell is responsible for th- )

*muffled scuffling noise, sound of a large hammer hitting a very soft head, silence*



THE END.

A JamesT & Buttress Q. Chocolate Production
No Rights Reserved.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby Australia » Wed Aug 07, 2013 8:09 pm

JamesT wrote:You know, we've been caught up in the past so long that it can't be healthy. Sure we had our difficulties while crime fighting but I like to believe we generally did some good. And you were fun back then.

Were fun.

Now it's all bad gardening and paper work. When was the last time you even put on your power ring? It's just sitting there among the papers.
The attachment butts office.png is no longer available


Well don't you worry: I still remember the good times and will do my best to keep them going:
The attachment butts office.png is no longer available

Whether you want it or not.


Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on! Buttson Smith was Butt Chocolate this whole time?

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I'm ashamed how long it took me to make that.
Mind blown.
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Re: Wanted by The Party: JamesT (HW)

Postby Typical Michael » Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:46 am

Image

*ahem*

If I may.

We should probably work out our differences, so we can rock all faces and banish all stupid-faces.
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