PSA: Serial Job Murderer (HW)

PSA: Serial Job Murderer (HW)

Postby sunglasses » Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:31 pm

I need to talk to you all about something very important.

It's come to my attention that there have been bodies discovered at various job sites and job fairs in New Jersey. Yes, more the usual. No, it's not the mob this time. No, it's not a land shark (I checked.)

You see, these murders are being done very particularly.

A resume has been found on the body at each crime scene. All the victims were known to have at least spoken to the person of interest. Once or twice might be a coincidence but over 100 reeks of causality. Sadly, the suspected perp seems to have an alibi each time. That and no one can quite figure out how the vics died. Spontaneous cardiac arrest due to sudden brain function ceasing, they said.

But I know the truth.

Jbobsully is a serial murderer. That's why he goes to all those job fairs and why he's constantly looking for a job. He's using it to scout for victims. For you see, he needs their life force to live. The more dejected, the better. This job market makes for a perfect hunting ground. He eats their hopes, their fears, their will to live. Rumor has it he's recently infiltrated an online forum for the purpose of scouting out deliciously introverted souls.

So lock your doors, hide the wife, and don't answer the phone.

jbobsully is hunting.

This post has been brought to you by hate week 2017
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Re: PSA: Serial Job Murderer (HW)

Postby jbobsully11 » Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:33 pm

Actually, several companies have sent me e-mails saying they would have hired me if I wasn't associated with anyone as creepy and repulsive as you, sunny. An actual excerpt from one of them:
A totally real company representative wrote:Once you ditch that weirdo from the land of cows and dirt farms that makes our skin crawl, call us back. As it is, you'd be too much of a liability.

That he was later found dead is a total coincidence, I'm sure.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

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Re: PSA: Serial Job Murderer (HW)

Postby sunglasses » Wed Aug 09, 2017 4:22 pm

Yeah, well I get back to work today and what do I find in my inbox?!

from totally real work person wrote:WTF, SUNNY! You're off for a few days and when you come back not only has the switcher gone missing but some weird guy keeps hissing at the front door "Let meeeeee iiiiinnnnnn." Now Matt has to work on grinding down some stakes and we've got to outfit everyone with crosses. I can't even being to tell you the amount of paperwork we've got to complete because of this. Once you've terminated the undead menace, please complete form 14J, section 24 B.
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Re: PSA: Serial Job Murderer (HW)

Postby DamianaRaven » Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:33 pm

*puts on her fanciest Sanctimony Britches, the ones with "Jesus Saves" bedazzled across the ass* Hey, serial/mass murder is no joke and you people should be ASHAMED to be making such sick sport of violence and bloodshed... and all for something called "Hate Week." This is not wholesome and I rebuke your little display in the name of good taste and common decency!



:P I'm just fuckin' with y'all... carry on!
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Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies. (76th Rule of Acquisition)
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Re: PSA: Serial Job Murderer (HW)

Postby iMURDAu » Sun Aug 13, 2017 1:11 am

You know what? I actually have been wondering if his stories of showing up and it being raining or him being there at the wrong time were just alibis he's planning on using for covering up something devious.

But hey at least he's got the brains to lie online about his life so it sounds innocent better than it is. cmsellers tells us the unvarnished truth about his life and it's so sad. I mean, who tries to drown a fish out of spite? He called Microsoft because he wanted to get front row seats for Xbox Live. But seriously his mother hired maids for him because she had to wipe her feet off to go outside.

Image
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Re: PSA: Serial Job Murderer (HW)

Postby cmsellers » Sun Aug 13, 2017 7:39 pm

iMURDAu wrote:I mean, who tries to drown a fish out of spite?

Get your facts right. It wasn't a fish, it was Emilia Clarke; it wasn't drowning, it was fire; and it wasn't spite, it was anger at the restraining order she took out. Sadly, it turns out she's as unburnable in real life as she is on the show.

iMURDAu wrote:He called Microsoft because he wanted to get front row seats for Xbox Live.

This is a scurrilous and irresponsible lie. I have hated Microsoft ever since I could talk, and have never used Microsoft when there was a better alternative available. The only Microsoft products I've used in the last ten years are Bing Images (Google still sucks at finding the good porn) and Zune.

MURDA, on the other hand, is such an Apple fanboy that he was an early adopter of Apple Maps.

iMURDAu wrote:But seriously his mother hired maids for him because she had to wipe her feet off to go outside.

OK, so you got one right though sheer chance, but at least I don't make my maids' children star in Disney Channel original series like MURDA does.

HW disclaimer: I actually did consider buying a Zune as a fuck-you to Apple, but then, like I often do in politics, I went with a third option.
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Re: PSA: Serial Job Murderer (HW)

Postby sunglasses » Mon Aug 14, 2017 2:37 pm

So, Sunny, why haven't you posted all weekend about jbob? Do you suck that much at hate week?

Excellent question!

You see, however, that this weekend I spent time in the armpit of the country. That's right, I was in NJ, doing some covert ops.

Until he saw me because I'm really not very sneaky.

So I confronted him. He denied my accusations as I snapped pictures.

1.jpg
1.jpg (52.88 KiB) Viewed 1543 times


He insisted it was red ink on him and not blood.

1 (1).jpg
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Thankfully, him confronting me allowed my accomplice to finish setting up cameras around alleys near the local job fairs we thought he was targeting. We recovered many images, each more damning and horrifying then the last.

Spoiler: show
19e61a8042f1fe0c8fb81748bc20fcf1--shadow-people-creepy-horror.jpg
19e61a8042f1fe0c8fb81748bc20fcf1--shadow-people-creepy-horror.jpg (5.93 KiB) Viewed 1543 times


Spoiler: show
ngbbs5631e1eb1a936.png
ngbbs5631e1eb1a936.png (206.74 KiB) Viewed 1543 times


Spoiler: show
giphy.gif
giphy.gif (1.59 MiB) Viewed 1543 times


If that last one isn't proof that jbob is evil, I don't know what is.

haaaatttteeeee weeeeekkkkkkk
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