Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Postby reallifegirl » Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:22 pm

(FL) - State police have released a statement today regarding an ongoing investigation into a local resident, unnamed in their report except for his online alias of "IamNotCreepy".

"Our department has been investigating this individual for some time in relation to a number of local unsolved crime sprees," stated Sergeant Thompson of the Florida Dept. of Law Enforcement during a press conference after the statement's release. "Initially, we had linked him to the Dolphin Molestation Crisis of Duval County, but a deeper look into this individual's history and activity led to a much darker picture. We believe he may also be involved in the Licking Random Park Benches Situation in Daytona Beach, the Shower of Tiny Prosthetic Penises in Gainesville, and the Standing Really Close to People for No Apparent Reason Epidemic that's been terrorizing St. Augustine."

The sergeant added that they had amassed a wealth of evidence against this suspect, noting "The real smoking gun was that he ever thought that username would be convincing."

Sgt. Thompson then confirmed that this had been a combined effort between local and state police, as well as the Federal Office of Reprehensible Activity Stoppage. He stated, however, that the latter's efforts had been detected by the suspect and actively hindered their investigation.

"Unfortunately, we do believe that IAmNotCreepy is very familiar with FedORAS," Thompson acknowledged.

Sgt. Thompson went on to say that he was amazed at the depth and depravity of the crimes the suspect had been linked to. "This individual is probably the creepiest person I have had the misfortune to encounter," he stated. "And this is Florida, for God's sake."

Local and state investigators have reassured the public that they are pouring their full attention into this investigation, and will not stop until he is apprehended by law enforcement.

At the end of the press conference, Sgt. Thompson stopped to add, "He also really sucks at Pokemon Go."

This post brought to you by Hate Week, for the night is dark and full of hatred.
  • 19

"I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not."

Encyclopedia Dramatica wrote:Reallifegirl: Is supposedly a girl in real life, but we all know that's false. Gets highest comment roughly 75% of the time, and has never had a single red-thumbed comment. Ever.
User avatar
reallifegirl
Time Waster
Time Waster
 
Posts: 1609
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 5:21 pm
Show rep
Title: Officially allegedly female

Re: Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Postby Australia » Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:37 pm

Is it due to personal vendettas or just general incompetence that the Federal Office of Reprehensible Activity Stoppage is focusing so much on a Sea World enthusiast but can't take a minute out of their day to shut down Kivutar's truly horrendous Twitter account? That's Trump's America, folks.

This post is not brought to you by hate week. It is just a damning indictment on the state of government priorities.
  • 17

YamI JamesT Eyebrows Edgar Logan Eric Michael Tess Sunny Notch Kate Jamish Lao Carp Moo FaceCitizen Aquila Nisi Qinglong Chaise Nullbert NotCIAagent JackRoad Delta MURDA Bert Czar Ambi JulyJack Adric Marcuse SilverMaple Nudge 52xMax Damiana Doma Pumpkin Toy Fry Andro Carrie Snarky Royal RLG Pikajew Windy skooma Kleiner Java Sellers Piter Gisarmbards Grimstone Recluse Esteban Syrup Krashlia Twistappel MacReady Funkotron mcfooty Pseudoman Creepy Kivutar nerd Ladki Jim Youghurt satan GL Angler
Scari
User avatar
Australia
Resident Dickhead
Resident Dickhead
 
Posts: 4211
Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Take a wild guess
Show rep
Title: Kentucky Fried Colonel

Re: Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Postby Kivutar » Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:05 pm

Is that so? I'll have you know that not only the First Amendment, but the Second, Third, and Fourth as well, all support my right to spread the truth about Australia on the platform of Twitter. You want to talk about government apathy? How about the fact that Australia has committed identity theft by both adopting AND defacing (or partially scorch-facing?) my avatar on the popular internet forum, "The Comment Section". That's both slander and fraud, as well as a textbook case of GIFT. Why don't you go back to catching crocodiles and having carnal relations with sheep, instead of poking your nose into the deeper workings of politics and geology?

This post has not been reviewed by our lawyers, does not necessarily reflect the opinions of anyone in particular, and does not conform to the standards of Hate Week.
  • 14

Then the LORD said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes."

Hosea 3:1
User avatar
Kivutar
Champion
Champion
 
Posts: 1397
Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2015 3:52 am
Location: Right behind you
Show rep
Title: Great Librarian

Re: Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Postby Australia » Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:17 pm

You can't even get your stereotypes right. New Zealanders fuck sheep. It's a rite of passage for them. Australians shear them, whereas New Zealanders won't share them with anybody. As for the rest of your truth-shaming, I think you'll agree that out of all the possible victims, you're the one who is most two-faced here. It is my responsibility to show that to the world. Does that make me the Joker in that scenario? Let's not focus on that right now.

This rebuttal brought to you by hijacking someone else's Hate Week thread. Because some people just want to watch the world burn.
  • 14

YamI JamesT Eyebrows Edgar Logan Eric Michael Tess Sunny Notch Kate Jamish Lao Carp Moo FaceCitizen Aquila Nisi Qinglong Chaise Nullbert NotCIAagent JackRoad Delta MURDA Bert Czar Ambi JulyJack Adric Marcuse SilverMaple Nudge 52xMax Damiana Doma Pumpkin Toy Fry Andro Carrie Snarky Royal RLG Pikajew Windy skooma Kleiner Java Sellers Piter Gisarmbards Grimstone Recluse Esteban Syrup Krashlia Twistappel MacReady Funkotron mcfooty Pseudoman Creepy Kivutar nerd Ladki Jim Youghurt satan GL Angler
Scari
User avatar
Australia
Resident Dickhead
Resident Dickhead
 
Posts: 4211
Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Take a wild guess
Show rep
Title: Kentucky Fried Colonel

Re: Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Postby IamNotCreepy » Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:56 pm

I apologize for nothing. Those dolphins were asking for it.
  • 19

User avatar
IamNotCreepy
TCS Admin
TCS Admin
 
Posts: 1497
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2015 5:00 am
Location: Inside the "Cone of Uncertainty"
Show rep
Title: Chasing after the Wind

Re: Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Postby jbobsully11 » Wed Aug 09, 2017 3:28 am

Creepy even by Florida's standards? He'd better be careful; stepping on The Speaker of Horrors' turf seems like a recipe for disaster.

Hate Week: recommended by 4/5 dentists for better breath and whiter teeth. Now in wintergreen!
  • 13

Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
User avatar
jbobsully11
TCS Moderator
TCS Moderator
 
Posts: 3203
Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:22 pm
Location: not the outskirts of nowhere anymore, NJ, USA
Show rep
Title: The Sporadically Employed

Re: Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Postby iMURDAu » Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:41 pm

IamNotCreepy wrote:I apologize for nothing. Those dolphins were asking for it.


I actually came here to corroborate that story. They're literal animals.

So obviously we need to keep them away from cmsellers. His motto is "fuck 'em, kill 'em, and eat 'em". If you shave his head it's tattooed in latin in a spiral starting from the top of his head where the spiraly part of his hair is. He'll lie and tell you it says something dramatic or profound. You can believe him if you want. I'd prefer you didn't.

Why won't Trump condemn Hate Week? It's called Hate Week. Look at what's happening!
  • 9

“This is going to become a bad meme,” Todd observed.
User avatar
iMURDAu
TCS Chomper
TCS Chomper
 
Posts: 6548
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2013 10:08 am
Location: Route 11 by Scoopalicious
Show rep
Title: King of Fuh

Re: Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Postby cmsellers » Sun Aug 13, 2017 7:15 pm

The words tattooed on my scalp are there because several of of MURDA's illegal immigrant mooks abducted me. I've only shaved my head once, to see what they said. I can't read them because I'm not fluent in the language they're written in. But then MURDA can't either, if he can't even identify the alphabet. I mean what sort of idiot can't tell Latin from Arabic?

Never trust anyone from Hagerstown. It's Hate Week in town form.
  • 8

User avatar
cmsellers
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 8738
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 7:20 pm
Location: Three miles from the bat bridge
Show rep
Title: The Bad Bart of Ruddigore

Re: Police Report That IamNotCreepy is Amazingly Creepy (HW)

Postby iMURDAu » Mon Aug 14, 2017 12:27 pm

I'm not from Hagerstown. I don't even live there. Never have. :D

I have to drive through Halfway to get into the city. My kid doesn't go to Hagerstown schools. I'm on the right side of I-70 which is the left side on a north facing map. Get yo facts rite!
  • 4

“This is going to become a bad meme,” Todd observed.
User avatar
iMURDAu
TCS Chomper
TCS Chomper
 
Posts: 6548
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2013 10:08 am
Location: Route 11 by Scoopalicious
Show rep
Title: King of Fuh


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest