BroNO! (HW)

BroNO! (HW)

Postby JamishT » Mon Aug 07, 2017 7:23 am

***WARNING***
THE FOLLOWING POST MAY CONTAIN DISTURBING AND/OR FRIGHTFUL INFORMATION. THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING.


This is one of the most difficult posts I've ever made, and I've stripped the bark from locust wood posts in the hot hot sun! I feel I must sound the alarm about one of our members, he is one of our most loved, but the secrets I've uncovered may test that love. You may have already guessed who I'm talking about by using the powers of logic on the title of this thread, but if you are still stumped like that locust tree that my dad cut down to make fence posts out of, I'm afraid he's already gotten to you.

Here are some things I've uncovered about this individual who has a mud puddle for a soul:

He calls himself a "token homo". Not a $2000 homo, not even a $100 homo, he will do homosexual things for a mere token!

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Chris Hansen is now inviting you to take a seat, you impossibly bad person!


He claims that he is an ant! Is he a shapeshifter? That's the only possible explanation I can think of, because I'm about 99.33333333% certain that ants are unable to communicate with humans outside of biting!

He complains about "being so hairy". As has already been established, he probably is a shapeshifter, so I feel secure in assuming that he made that post WHILE IN THE FORM OF A WEREWOLF.

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But you don't complain about KILLING PEOPLE, IT SEEMS.


One of the things on his alleged bucket list is something called "Master drawing". Now, I'm not entirely sure, but by using deductive reasoning, I believe he is communicating his Confederate sympathies. Not only does he wish slavery were still a thing, he wishes to be a slave! To make things inexplicably worse, he wishes to be a slave that doesn't even do physical labor! While the other slaves are laboring in whatever fields his master owns, this walking sleep paralysis episode wants to be indoors, sketching portraits of his master. Perhaps he believes that if he is chained like a slave, his werewolf periods will result in fewer problems for him! That's a very selfish reason to wish the South had won!

Now, here's the worst thing, I've found so far. This will shock you more than the electric fencing we put on those aforementioned locust wood fenceposts. I recommend protecting your screen from any chance of a child or other innocent person looking upon the things I am about to reveal. This is in fact an additional warning, the situation is so dire, the information so horrific, that I felt it necessary. Ready?

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Take one last breath!


This:
The one at whom the Grinch recoils in horror wrote: Kids are delicious, especially infants, served with ketchup on top and a side of stray kittens.


EXCUSE ME! We have a cannibal among us! A shapeshifting, Confederate, unbelievably cheap prostitute who enjoys eating human babies! He may talk about being gay, but the above quote points to a habit of slaying pussy! This cannot stand. I beg of you, my fellow decent members of this blessed forum, join me in driving this source of emotional darkness from our midst! May we never stop until his name is forgotten!

This post brought to you by Hate Week, and the John T. & Catherine D. MacArthur Foundation.
  • 15

JamishT was a heck of a guy,
With a devilish twinkle in his eye.
With his hand-picked flowers,
And his feel-good powers,
He made all the girls blush and sigh.
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Re: BroNO! (HW)

Postby JamishT » Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:17 am

Technically this makes me a filthy double-poster, but it is a small price to pay when compared to the price we may pay for keeping Brosephus around. I've uncovered more spine-tightening confessions, opinions, and concepts pushed by this flattened caterpillar of a person, and here. We. Gooooooo!

He kills people for cookies.
It doesn't take much for him to consider taking your life out of your body through whatever orifice strikes his fancy. In fact, it can be something as simple as Chips Ahoy! brand cookies. There is no word on what he would do for a homemade cookie, but I'm pretty sure it involves group "showers" and person-sized ovens.

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This is how he practices.


He claims to be worse than Slenderman.
We all know about the creepypasta character turned game character turned inspiration for murder, Slenderman. The horror people feel when they encounter Slenderman has gained millions of views on YouTube, but apparently our local living sewage plant thinks he's worse. When asked to compare the horribleness of Florida or Slenderman, he said "Is that a trick question?" The only way I can interpret that is that Brolapalooza thinks the real answer is HIM. And he's right.

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Just imagine Brophilia in Slenderman's spot. Slenderman would be on the floor.


He plainly said he's going to kill us.
As plain as a loaf of bread in the middle of an empty dance floor. This water balloon full of rotten potato sludge said that he must kill us:

Now, I am going to have to kill you guys. I'm sorry, this will hurt me as much as it will hurt you.


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  • 8

JamishT was a heck of a guy,
With a devilish twinkle in his eye.
With his hand-picked flowers,
And his feel-good powers,
He made all the girls blush and sigh.
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JamishT
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Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:31 pm
Location: KC, MO, AMERICA
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Re: BroNO! (HW)

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:52 am

He's not even exactly much of token homosexual on this site these days, anyway ;) .

But you know who is a Token? NathanLoiselle; he's the token window licker. He was dropped on his head as a baby, because of course he was.

This post is brought to you by hate week and windex.
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