5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

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5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Sun Feb 14, 2016 7:20 pm

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-dating-apps-we-desperately-need/
In Which Luke McKinney advocates an app that makes sure your date will never disagree with you about anything, or even mention a topic.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby cmsellers » Sun Feb 14, 2016 7:28 pm

I want an app that finds someone who:

  1. Has all the same interests and hobbies that I do.
  2. Has all the same fetishes I do and no fetishes that I find weird.
  3. Has the same views on children, money, and household nudity that I do.
  4. Likes cleaning and hates cooking, and is also picky about food in the same way I am.
  5. Is even uglier than I am.
Basically, I want an app that will find me in drag, only with an opposite opinion of which household chores are desirable.

Is that too much too ask?
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby thatindianguy » Sun Feb 14, 2016 7:31 pm

In a previous article he did mention how swell it'd be if we could plug all of society into VR simulations segregated by worldview so I'm not shocked.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby Piter Lauchy » Sun Feb 14, 2016 8:23 pm

I think this article might be satire about how we rely too much on technology in our everyday lives (or at least everyday lives of those who engage in that foreign concept called dating).

If it isn't, I see two problems.
1. It makes dating sound awful. Now, I wouldn't know any better, but I'm assuming that dating isn't really this shitty. Otherwise the human race would've probably gone extinct by now.

2. It's ridiculously black-and-white. Take "The Conversation Shot Clock", for example.
I'm someone who likes when his conversation partner is talking a lot. I'm usually not a big talker myself, so it's awesome for me when a person can talk for a long time without any input on my part besides the occasional sign that I'm listening. It gives me a great opportunity to figure out just how much of my dumb humour I can share, for example. I'm also not very opinionated about lots of things. This means I like to listen to people talk without necessarily agreeing nor disagreeing and when they arrive at a topic that I do have an opinion about, I can get in on the conversation.
The article assumes "everyone likes this and that and only this and that". People either fit or they don't; there's no objectivity involved. These apps would only make it easier for people who don't fit to force their way into a relationship anyhow.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby gisambards » Sun Feb 14, 2016 8:45 pm

Gave up after the first one. Someone who thinks the world would be a better place if they never had to deal with people who disagree with them on anything is probably someone quite far up their own arse, and so probably won't be making many worthwhile points.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby cmsellers » Mon Feb 15, 2016 1:27 am

Piter Lauchy wrote:I think this article might be satire about how we rely too much on technology in our everyday lives

It's sweet that you think that.

Personally, I'd buy that ATB is running a satirical long con before I'd buy that Luke McKinney is.

gisambards wrote:Someone who thinks the world would be a better place if they never had to deal with people who disagree with them on anything is probably someone quite far up their own arse, and so probably won't be making many worthwhile points.

In his defense: I hear McKinney's prostate is a better conversationalist than his face.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby Matthew Notch » Mon Feb 15, 2016 7:42 am

Okay really? I gotta say, this seemed pretty transparently jokey to me. Every new app got increasingly silly, and he even got in a quick serious jab about the rise of violence on online dates (hehe, as bobismeisbob put it, "Yeah just 30 years ago there was no violence stemming from online dates!") which, to me, further cements that the rest of the article is, in fact, a comedy article and not meant to be taken at face value. I figured this out this early...

While it only takes a right-swipe and a thumb-typed message to meet someone, it takes months to know them, and by that point, you're committed to them out of sheer inertia rather than any human desire. It's the one problem an app could never solve. Unless ...


Come on guys, use some "common sense". I don't see any reason to dismiss an article out of hand just because of the author. Having said that, I didn't really laugh at all reading it, so I wasn't super duper impressed by the article itself. But I wasn't, like, offended by it.

Actually, can we discuss that Vice link above? While the number of rapes has risen 450%, that means it's gone from 33 to 184. That's easy enough to explain: lots more people are using the Internet to date than even six years ago, and that unfortunately sometimes includes putting themselves in potentially unsafe positions in which they can, easily, be victimized (71% of the alleged rapes occurred at the offender's residence...), so of course the number's going to jump up. Not saying it's right, just saying it is what it is. If people are using an app that's primarily a tool to initiate sexual encounters with a stranger to get dates, I don't know what they're expecting.

That sounds a lot like victim blaming and I don't mean for it to; obviously the creepy ass individuals who decide they get what they signed up for no matter what are 100% the offender in this situation. But there's a difference between "people should be able to walk down dark secluded alleys alone without fear of getting mugged," which is definitely true, and "people can walk freely down dark secluded alleys without fear of getting mugged", which is not true very often. Maybe meet in public, like the Internet's been telling us to do for years? I mean I met JamishT at a coffeehouse, and I'm 97% sure he wasn't going to rape me if I'd met him at my house. Whether it's fair or not, there are still measures one can take to protect him or herself.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby Marcuse » Mon Feb 15, 2016 2:50 pm

Are we seriously asking ourselves whether Cracked is joking about a hypothetical app introduced with:

If a dating app is encouraging you to meet strangers, then it should also help get away from them.


I kind of feel like there isn't enough in here to be outraged about. It's just a kind of pedestrian joke article.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby gisambards » Mon Feb 15, 2016 4:39 pm

It's hard to tell if someone's joking about something - particularly the first entry on the list - when they've seriously expressed those views in the past.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby Tesseracts » Mon Feb 15, 2016 6:01 pm

Aside from the fact that this app would require incredible technological leaps and/or magic, how are tools like this not the standard? Especially now that sexual violence resulting from online dates is skyrocketing? In the future, people will look back at social networks built without anti-abuse and reporting tools in the same way we look at early cars without safety standards or safety glass: as nonsensically dangerous vehicles of painful disaster. Even plumbers have certifications and public reviews, and they're only working on things that go near your naked body.

I don't know what I'm reading, but it doesn't sound entirely like a joke. Like many Cracked articles it's trying to clumsily jam some social awareness somewhere where it doesn't really fit. It could very well be arguing apps are to blame for abuse. At the very least it's saying dating would be better if a machine told you you're about to be raped, which is true, I guess.

If people are using an app that's primarily a tool to initiate sexual encounters with a stranger to get dates, I don't know what they're expecting.

I assume you're referring to tinder. Tinder is very popular and many people use it who aren't interested in casual sex. It allows people to compare their interests and have a conversation. Anonymous sex with strangers isn't particularly safe but I wouldn't assume people who date online are being unsafe. It's rather presumptuous to think they must be meeting strangers at their house if they're being raped, unless you have some data to support this assumption, which I would be very surprised if you did.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby Knicholas » Mon Feb 15, 2016 8:19 pm

cmsellers wrote:I want an app that finds someone who:

  1. Has all the same interests and hobbies that I do.
  2. Has all the same fetishes I do and no fetishes that I find weird.
  3. Has the same views on children, money, and household nudity that I do.
  4. Likes cleaning and hates cooking, and is also picky about food in the same way I am.
  5. Is even uglier than I am.
Basically, I want an app that will find me in drag, only with an opposite opinion of which household chores are desirable.

Is that too much too ask?


Gasp!! My fetish!!

Call me, you sexy devil. . .
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby cmsellers » Mon Feb 15, 2016 8:32 pm

Knicholas wrote:
cmsellers wrote:I want an app that finds someone who:

<snip>
2. Has all the same fetishes I do and no fetishes that I find weird.
<snip>

Gasp!! My fetish!!

Call me, you sexy devil. . .

*swipe left*

I'm not even sure what your fetish is yet I find it deeply disturbing.
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby Matthew Notch » Mon Feb 15, 2016 10:04 pm

Tesseracts wrote:It's rather presumptuous to think they must be meeting strangers at their house if they're being raped, unless you have some data to support this assumption, which I would be very surprised if you did.


Well like I said, all I have is the link from that Vice article that was linked in the Cracked article.

And it wrote:After gathering that data from police forces, the NCA went on to analyze more data on reported rapes taking place after an initial meeting online between 2003 and 2015, to look at the characteristics of the alleged offenses.

It said 85 percent of those reporting rapes were women and 15 percent were men. Just over 40 percent of victims had spent time in private on their first date, and 71 percent of alleged rapes that occurred on the first face-to-face meeting following online contact were committed at the victim's or offender's residence.


Again, we're talking 71% of whatever percent of the 184 rapes in that year that resulted from online dating were on the first face-to-face meeting, so it's not like a staggering number, maybe. Incidentally the number of rapes overall rose in that same time period only 31% comparatively. But I don't know. Also these statistics are from the U.K., and I'd be curious to see what similar statistics from the US or Brazil have to say, for example.

EDIT: Typooooooooo
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"I do feel that if she happens to favour attractive, successful, intelligent men I will be at a disadvantage."--Anglerphobe

"I have a beautiful sphincter and Mexico is gonna pay for it."--Kate
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Re: 5 "Common-Sense" Dating Apps We Desperately Need

Postby DashaBlade » Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:43 am

Tesseracts wrote:Like many Cracked articles it's trying to clumsily jam some social awareness somewhere where it doesn't really fit.


So, they're forcing ideology on the unconsenting in the most awkward way possible. I do find that funny in a dark sort of way.
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