5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Our thoughts about the famous Cracked.com.

5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby octoberpumpkin » Wed Sep 02, 2015 3:24 pm

http://www.cracked.com/personal-experie ... ce_p2.html

So this article rang true for me in a lot of ways. I had been with my ex about 2 years before the physical abuse started happening. He had also been emotionally and financially abuse before then but I didn't really think of it is "abuse" until after the fact. I did also think I could "fix him" and it took a long time to realize that the future I had imagined with him was actually with a totally different person who just looked like him. It wasn't him. It was a hard lesson to learn because I was so invested and in love and it's not easy to realize that the person you've put several years in to is actually a piece of crap and will most likely always be a piece of crap. And if he does (or she) change, it will be for themselves, not for you.

But I think the biggest one is the lasting effects afterwards. It's taken a lot to get used to being in a healthy relationship because it's totally different. I still get it 'wrong' sometimes. I'm much happier, but the effects don't just go away.

I also feel bad because I want my abuse ex to see how well I'm doing in my new relationship. I don't care what he does with his life or who he dates, but I want him to see me being with someone I care about who treats me right, to see me happier, to see me more stable. Because those are all things that he made me feel like I couldn't have and I didn't deserve. And I don't speak to him anymore because he was such a toxic person, but I do very much want to rub my new life in his face, which sadly is not super healthy and I hope I can move past that.

So anywho, I thought it was a good article :)
  • 21

User avatar
octoberpumpkin
Time Waster
Time Waster
 
Posts: 1968
Joined: Thu Mar 05, 2015 7:24 pm
Show rep
Title: Pinkasaurus Rex

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby DamianaRaven » Wed Sep 02, 2015 8:45 pm

octoberpumpkin wrote:I also feel bad because I want my abuse ex to see how well I'm doing in my new relationship. I don't care what he does with his life or who he dates, but I want him to see me being with someone I care about who treats me right, to see me happier, to see me more stable. Because those are all things that he made me feel like I couldn't have and I didn't deserve. And I don't speak to him anymore because he was such a toxic person, but I do very much want to rub my new life in his face, which sadly is not super healthy and I hope I can move past that.


I don't think you should feel bad - you deserve some satisfying closure. A common tactic of abusers is to blame the abuse on you, to the tune of "No man would treat you right because you're such a fuck up." I think it would do you no end of good to demonstrate what a crock of shit that is.
  • 16

Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies. (76th Rule of Acquisition)
User avatar
DamianaRaven
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 5978
Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2013 3:37 am
Location: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers!
Show rep
Title: Crazy Cunt

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby subotai » Thu Sep 03, 2015 12:24 am

Just had a run in with a long-time troll on Cracked. Nothing new there.
People were evangelising Feminism as the panacea for all domestic abuse(gain, nothing new there), ignoring it's history of dealing with DA horribly.
I pointed out the abuse of Erin Pizzey by Feminists and said troll starts off with the usual - "You're a misogynist, MRA, PUA (I think there's others), who hates Women/Feminism (because women and feminism are the same thing)., all while ignoring the point I raised.

Again, no surprise, it's a troll tactic.

Thing is, I come back later, and there's a see of downvotes on my comment, and the troll is well in the green.
It's like watching Trump politics! If you tell the people what they want, they will gladly play fantasy and ignore the only fact stated in that string.
  • 14

Take the plastic bag challenge to cure stupidity.
User avatar
subotai
Jedi Knight
Jedi Knight
 
Posts: 193
Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2014 1:51 am
Show rep

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby Crimson847 » Thu Sep 03, 2015 1:01 am

DamianaRaven wrote:I don't think you should feel bad - you deserve some satisfying closure. A common tactic of abusers is to blame the abuse on you, to the tune of "No man would treat you right because you're such a fuck up." I think it would do you no end of good to demonstrate what a crock of shit that is.


I also don't think she should feel bad for wanting to rub it in his face, but at the same time she's right that it is probably wisest to move past that desire.
  • 11

"If it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them; but the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?"
- Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
User avatar
Crimson847
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 3193
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2015 5:18 am
Show rep

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby DjiboutiDan » Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:49 am

DamianaRaven wrote:
octoberpumpkin wrote:I also feel bad because I want my abuse ex to see how well I'm doing in my new relationship. I don't care what he does with his life or who he dates, but I want him to see me being with someone I care about who treats me right, to see me happier, to see me more stable.

I don't think you should feel bad - you deserve some satisfying closure. A common tactic of abusers is to blame the abuse on you, to the tune of "No man would treat you right because you're such a fuck up." I think it would do you no end of good to demonstrate what a crock of shit that is.

Meh, I say fuck him - he's an asshole. Showing him that you are in a healthy relationship might make you feel better, but it's not like it's going to change him in any way. If he abused you then he probably views you more as property than a person. You won't be able to prove otherwise because he's an asshole. It's like dealing with a troll - if you "show him up" you're just playing his game. He wants you to try and prove him wrong because it means he still has power over you. You're giving him another opportunity to knock you down. There's nothing wrong with wanting to rub it in his face, but I'd recommend against it. The best revenge is to live a happy life without ever engaging him again.
  • 12

Carrie wrote:But I suspect Dan will figure it out, because Dan’s apparently magic.
User avatar
DjiboutiDan
TCS Regular
TCS Regular
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2015 8:20 pm
Location: DC area
Show rep
Title: Bilge Rat

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby AboveGL » Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:42 am

subotai wrote:Just had a run in with a long-time troll on Cracked. Nothing new there.
People were evangelising Feminism as the panacea for all domestic abuse(gain, nothing new there), ignoring it's history of dealing with DA horribly.
I pointed out the abuse of Erin Pizzey by Feminists and said troll starts off with the usual - "You're a misogynist, MRA, PUA (I think there's others), who hates Women/Feminism (because women and feminism are the same thing)., all while ignoring the point I raised.

Again, no surprise, it's a troll tactic.

Thing is, I come back later, and there's a see of downvotes on my comment, and the troll is well in the green.
It's like watching Trump politics! If you tell the people what they want, they will gladly play fantasy and ignore the only fact stated in that string.


Is it by Texhn0lyze by any chance?

"...that awful extremist right-wing version of Cracked called The Comment Section"

I agree with a few things they said, but what the actual fuck?
  • 17

AboveGL
TCS Sithlord
TCS Sithlord
 
Posts: 1797
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:37 pm
Show rep

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby Aquila89 » Thu Sep 03, 2015 11:22 am

Again with the stupid title. If everyone believed these things, it'd be impossible to debunk them, because nobody would disagree with them.

We're right-wing now? Good God. I often felt that threads are liberal circlejerks (and I'm a liberal).
  • 14

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
--Carl Jung
User avatar
Aquila89
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 3441
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 1:45 pm
Location: Hungary
Show rep

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby sunglasses » Thu Sep 03, 2015 12:44 pm

Wait, wait, wait.

Someone called us extremist right wing?
  • 19

TCS Etiquette Guide

Rules and FAQs

Zevran wrote:Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speeds can kill.
User avatar
sunglasses
TCS Moderator
TCS Moderator
 
Posts: 11541
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 2:52 pm
Show rep
Title: The Speaker of Horrors.

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby AboveGL » Thu Sep 03, 2015 12:48 pm

Judging from this person's other posts, they ARE in fact a trolling asshole. Now I feel bad for even partially supporting that worthless wretch.
  • 7

AboveGL
TCS Sithlord
TCS Sithlord
 
Posts: 1797
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:37 pm
Show rep

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby subotai » Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:24 pm

AboveGL wrote:
subotai wrote:Just had a run in with a long-time troll on Cracked. Nothing new there.
People were evangelising Feminism as the panacea for all domestic abuse(gain, nothing new there), ignoring it's history of dealing with DA horribly.
I pointed out the abuse of Erin Pizzey by Feminists and said troll starts off with the usual - "You're a misogynist, MRA, PUA (I think there's others), who hates Women/Feminism (because women and feminism are the same thing)., all while ignoring the point I raised.

Again, no surprise, it's a troll tactic.

Thing is, I come back later, and there's a see of downvotes on my comment, and the troll is well in the green.
It's like watching Trump politics! If you tell the people what they want, they will gladly play fantasy and ignore the only fact stated in that string.


Is it by Texhn0lyze by any chance?

"...that awful extremist right-wing version of Cracked called The Comment Section"

I agree with a few things they said, but what the actual fuck?


That's the one, though I didn't want to name drop. I'd be curious as to what they said you agree with though.

sunglasses wrote:Wait, wait, wait.

Someone called us extremist right wing?


Yes they did, shall we deploy the Luftwaffe?
  • 9

Last edited by sunglasses on Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: combined posts
Take the plastic bag challenge to cure stupidity.
User avatar
subotai
Jedi Knight
Jedi Knight
 
Posts: 193
Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2014 1:51 am
Show rep

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby Taluun » Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:34 pm

Remember to avoid double posting.
  • 4

User avatar
Taluun
Jedi Knight
Jedi Knight
 
Posts: 819
Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2015 6:54 pm
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Show rep

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby AboveGL » Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:57 pm

subotai wrote:That's the one, though I didn't want to name drop. I'd be curious as to what they said you agree with though.


In my experience, feminists don't define domestic violence as male-on-female only and want to abolish a system which, among other things, has favoured a toxic form of masculinity (which is why sexism goes both ways). Of course, I know some who believe that men are oppressors too, but there are going to be assholes anyway (that doesn't even need to be said, but I'll still happily call them out). Even a site as factually incorrect as Everyday Feminism acknowledges that domestic violence and abuse and sexual assault aren't one way.

Come to think of it, it's more of a disagreement with your comment than an agreement with that poster.

I don't know much about this Erin, though.
  • 3

Last edited by AboveGL on Thu Sep 03, 2015 3:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
AboveGL
TCS Sithlord
TCS Sithlord
 
Posts: 1797
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:37 pm
Show rep

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby sunglasses » Thu Sep 03, 2015 2:59 pm

For the longest time I never understood why people hated double posting. Then I became a mod and found out the truth. Every time someone double posts, the mods and admins are forced to listen to this song:



Except for me, because I actually think that's kinda catchy. They make me listen to The Sound of Music remixes.
  • 17

TCS Etiquette Guide

Rules and FAQs

Zevran wrote:Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speeds can kill.
User avatar
sunglasses
TCS Moderator
TCS Moderator
 
Posts: 11541
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 2:52 pm
Show rep
Title: The Speaker of Horrors.

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby Australia » Thu Sep 03, 2015 4:30 pm

Taluun wrote:Remember to avoid double posting.


That's the opposite of what you said at the last orgy. Greedy.
  • 12

YamI JamesT Eyebrows Edgar Logan Eric Michael Tess Sunny Notch Kate Jamish Lao Carp Moo FaceCitizen Aquila Nisi Qinglong Chaise Nullbert NotCIAagent JackRoad Delta MURDA Bert Czar Ambi JulyJack Adric Marcuse SilverMaple Nudge 52xMax Damiana Doma Pumpkin Toy Fry Andro Carrie Snarky Royal RLG Pikajew Windy skooma Kleiner Java Sellers Piter Gisarmbards Grimstone Recluse Esteban Syrup Krashlia Twistappel MacReady Funkotron mcfooty Pseudoman Creepy Kivutar nerd Ladki Jim Youghurt satan GL Angler
Scari
User avatar
Australia
Resident Dickhead
Resident Dickhead
 
Posts: 4220
Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Take a wild guess
Show rep
Title: Kentucky Fried Colonel

Re: 5 Myths About Domestic Abuse Everyone Believes

Postby subotai » Thu Sep 03, 2015 7:04 pm

AboveGL wrote:
subotai wrote:That's the one, though I didn't want to name drop. I'd be curious as to what they said you agree with though.


In my experience, feminists don't define domestic violence as male-on-female only and want to abolish a system which, among other things, has favoured a toxic form of masculinity (which is why sexism goes both ways). Of course, I know some who believe that men are oppressors too, but there are going to be assholes anyway (that doesn't even need to be said, but I'll still happily call them out). Even a site as factually incorrect as Everyday Feminism acknowledges that domestic violence and abuse and sexual assault aren't one way.

Come to think of it, it's more of a disagreement with your comment than an agreement with that poster.

I don't know much about this Erin, though.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erin_Pizzey

She set up one of the first women's shelters in the UK. But when she tried to modernise the approach to DV, she was ostracised and threatened.

As for Feminism, they created and supported the Duluth Model, which is basically all violence = Patriarchy, or 'toxic masculinity' , which is just a pop-culture term with no real basis or definition.

It truth, the DV system never favoured any kind of masculinity, as it was largely constructed by 2nd wave feminists.
  • 1

Take the plastic bag challenge to cure stupidity.
User avatar
subotai
Jedi Knight
Jedi Knight
 
Posts: 193
Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2014 1:51 am
Show rep

Next

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron