6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Asshole)

Our thoughts about the famous Cracked.com.

6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Asshole)

Postby ShuaiGuy » Sun May 31, 2015 3:17 pm

<Redacted>
  • 13

Last edited by ShuaiGuy on Sat Mar 26, 2016 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
ShuaiGuy
Time Waster
Time Waster
 
Posts: 1565
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:38 am
Show rep

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby archaeologydalek » Sun May 31, 2015 4:41 pm

REDACTED
  • 15

Last edited by archaeologydalek on Wed Apr 13, 2016 11:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
archaeologydalek
Frequent Poster
Frequent Poster
 
Posts: 220
Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2013 1:36 pm
Show rep

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby Popinki » Sun May 31, 2015 5:43 pm

Thank you for introducing me to the wonder of an anonymous bag of gummi dicks, which would be the perfect gift for that crazy woo-peddling snatch known as the Food Babe.

[warning: spittle-flecked rant follows]

Actually, I'd love to give her a big bag of gummi anything just to watch her brain asplode when confronted with the symphony of gelatin rendered down from cow trimmings (AIEEEEEE factory farming and, like, icky cow bits!!! GMO GTFO!!!!) and mixed with lovely high fructose corn syrup (ZOMFG that stuff is devil spooge it's a plot by Monsanto to give us all the diabeetus!!!) and artificial colors and flavorings (OH NOES THOSE ARE CHEMICLES HIDE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!!!) shined up with a lovely "confectioner's glaze" (EWWWWW THAT'S MADE OF BUGS THEY'RE FEEDING US BUGS WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!) It would be the Kryptonite to her Superman, the salt (OMG that has chlorine in it that's what they used in the gas chambers*!!!) to her slug, the water (DIHIDROGEN MONOXIDE SOUNDS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A CHEMICAL THAT MUST BE BAD STUFF RIGHT!!!) to her Wicked Witch.

This topic makes me irrationally angry because I have a degree in biochemistry. I suffer from severe rheutatoid arthritis and a boss who believes every bit of Facebook woo, scarelore, and quackery to cross her feed. She's one of those people who is obsessed with eating healthy while being a complete snatch about it. And if only I'd listen to her, my hereditary degenerative autoimmune disease would just go away. Because my doctors are just pawns of Big Pharma and giving me Humera, which put my RA in remission finally, to make me sicker. And my college professors, who all have doctorates in their fields, lied to us for four years and only brave truth speakers with bacgrounds in... what exactly? are brave enough to speak the truth.

Eat a bag of gummi dicks, Food Babe and Dr. Oz and all the rest of you media personality quacks that mean I can't eat a fucking ham sandwich at my desk in peace.
  • 12

Popinki
Commenter
Commenter
 
Posts: 78
Joined: Thu May 28, 2015 2:49 pm
Show rep

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby thatindianguy » Sun May 31, 2015 6:08 pm

Gummi dicks just seems like a real poor investment.

I mean girls won't eat them because they seem creepy and who wants to be known as the girl who eats genitalia candy.
Guys won't eat them because... well what guy wants the image of dicks being chewed up in his head?


Revenge gifts are the only option left.
  • 4

thatindianguy
TCS Regular
TCS Regular
 
Posts: 305
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2014 8:18 pm
Show rep

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby NathanLoiselle » Sun May 31, 2015 6:22 pm

Good article Dalek. You should be proud of yourself.
  • 9

User avatar
NathanLoiselle
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 4284
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2014 3:49 am
Location: You'll Never Know!
Show rep

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Sun May 31, 2015 6:38 pm

All this anti-chemical nonsense is just due to an extremely childish fear of negativity. They associate every chemical ever with the more dangerous one because "Well, one chemical causes X" because they can't emotionally handle a world where they might get a chemical burn. Meanwhile, these same people prepare a bleach bath for their child to prevent the autisms.
  • 11

Last edited by Deathclaw_Puncher on Sun May 31, 2015 7:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
User avatar
Deathclaw_Puncher
Knight Writer
Knight Writer
 
Posts: 12440
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 9:42 pm
Location: Fair Oaks, CA
Show rep
Title: Queen of the Furrets

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby Popinki » Sun May 31, 2015 6:55 pm

thatindianguy wrote:Gummi dicks just seems like a real poor investment.

I mean girls won't eat them because they seem creepy and who wants to be known as the girl who eats genitalia candy.
Guys won't eat them because... well what guy wants the image of dicks being chewed up in his head?


Revenge gifts are the only option left.


Oh, I'd eat 'em, because free candy! I'd pretend the candy was attached to the original sender and get my own revenge.

Anyway, if my hero Felix Clay can eat dong-shaped pasta in the name of Art, I can live with being the chick who eats gummi junk.
  • 11

Popinki
Commenter
Commenter
 
Posts: 78
Joined: Thu May 28, 2015 2:49 pm
Show rep

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby Fun With Mr. Fudge » Sun May 31, 2015 11:37 pm

Have to agree that it was a fun article, and I actually started to laugh out loud at the timing.

THe Food Babe criticism was hilarious as were the comments (especially the fake endorsement of Food Babe).

Kudos to thatindianguy for getting the top two commens (last I checked), though a part of me was hoping he'd turn the sex pizza comment from one of dalek's previous articles into a running joke (especially given Entry 5).
  • 10

User avatar
Fun With Mr. Fudge
Frequent Poster
Frequent Poster
 
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 8:54 pm
Show rep
Title: Jackbooted Hug

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby ShuaiGuy » Mon Jun 01, 2015 1:04 am

<Redacted>
  • 5

Last edited by ShuaiGuy on Sat Mar 26, 2016 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
ShuaiGuy
Time Waster
Time Waster
 
Posts: 1565
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:38 am
Show rep

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby JamishT » Mon Jun 01, 2015 4:34 am

You know what girl would totally eat those gummi dicks? Kelly. Kelly would love them.
  • 8

JamishT was a heck of a guy,
With a devilish twinkle in his eye.
With his hand-picked flowers,
And his feel-good powers,
He made all the girls blush and sigh.
User avatar
JamishT
TCS ModerBlobber
TCS ModerBlobber
 
Posts: 5486
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:31 pm
Location: KC, MO, AMERICA
Show rep
Title: The Wannabe Adult

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby Paradox » Mon Jun 01, 2015 5:49 pm

I got a bag of dick cookies once as a prank.

They were vanilla or chocolate flavored, and filled with sweet condensed milk.

I ate them all.
  • 14

[Signature removed for nonpayment.]

The artist once again known as Dox.
User avatar
Paradox
Resident Dickhead
Resident Dickhead
 
Posts: 2243
Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 6:56 pm
Location: Dunbar, WV
Show rep
Title: True Neutral

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby Matthew Notch » Tue Jun 02, 2015 12:42 am

JamishT wrote:You know what girl guy would totally eat those gummi dicks? Kelly Shuai. Kelly Shuai would love them.


FTFY (and the entire world)
  • 6

It's Dangerous to Go Alone


"I desperately want Jiggery Pokery now."-- Pikajew

"I do feel that if she happens to favour attractive, successful, intelligent men I will be at a disadvantage."--Anglerphobe

"I have a beautiful sphincter and Mexico is gonna pay for it."--Kate
User avatar
Matthew Notch
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 4950
Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:48 am
Location: The ICT
Show rep
Title: The Last Finisher

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby NathanLoiselle » Tue Jun 02, 2015 2:02 am

Matthew Notch wrote:
JamishT wrote:You know what girl guy would totally eat those gummi dicks? Kelly Shuai. Kelly Shuai would love them.


FTFY (and the entire world)


I was going to say that Jack would eat a bag of dicks. Nothing against Jack, of course.
  • 4

User avatar
NathanLoiselle
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 4284
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2014 3:49 am
Location: You'll Never Know!
Show rep

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby ShuaiGuy » Tue Jun 02, 2015 3:17 am

<Redacted>
  • 7

Last edited by ShuaiGuy on Sat Mar 26, 2016 11:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
ShuaiGuy
Time Waster
Time Waster
 
Posts: 1565
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:38 am
Show rep

Re: 6 Ways To Make Money Off The Internet (If You're An Assh

Postby D-LOGAN » Wed Jun 03, 2015 5:58 pm

FTFY? ....... FIXED THAT FOR YOU!

*Googles it so see if right*

BOOYAKASHA!!!! Gettin' the hang of this intenetin' malarkey. SOON THERE SHALL BE NONE WHO CAN STAND IN MY WAY!
  • 7

Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
User avatar
D-LOGAN
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 3590
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 7:08 pm
Location: Éire
Show rep
Title: ALL PRAISE UNTO MIGHTY KEK!

Next

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron