Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING article.

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Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING article.

Postby Tesseracts » Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:05 pm

SPOILER ALERT: If you have not seen American Psycho and spoilers bother you, go see it, right now. It's one of my favorite movies, and this article spoils the twist ending in the first paragraph.



NOW FOR THE ARTICLE:

Today, Cracked, having run out of drug dealers and hookers to tell us the stories of their wretched lives, gives us a tedious monolog a story about what it's like to be a hipster. It's just as bad as you think.

The article is all about how shallow the subject of the article is. Seriously, that's what the article is about. He suffers so much anxiety and torment over his physical appearance, he must be seriously mentally ill. Or, maybe he is only pretending to be mentally ill, because he wants to be more like his hero, Patrick Bateman. Bateman is the protagonist of American Psycho, and as the title of the movie may indicate, he's insane. This Cracked article makes constant references to American Psycho and the author frequently compares himself to Patrick Bateman as if he's proud about having an anxiety attack over pants design.

Have you ever met a stupid little goth kid who brags about how "insane" they are as if they are special and important? That's pretty much what this article is, except it's an adult.

I'm not quite sure what Cracked is trying to do here. I guess it's supposed to be comedy? The constant references to American Psycho leave me with the impression that it's just trying to ride off the success of that movie somehow.
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby Marcuse » Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:22 pm

Basically this guy is a dandy.

A dandy (also known as a beau or gallant) is a man who places particular importance upon physical appearance, refined language, and leisurely hobbies, pursued with the appearance of nonchalance in a cult of Self


That's nothing new, nor is it special. Hipsters today are mostly unique in their assumption of their own importance.
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby Nullbert » Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:23 pm

Tesseracts wrote:Today, Cracked, having run out of drug dealers and hookers to tell us the stories of their wretched lives, gives us a tedious monolog a story about what it's like to be a hipster. It's just as bad as you think.


Of course this had to happen on the same day that I said the life story articles were my favourites. Touché Cracked, I hurt my brain trying to figure out what the meaning of this was... WHO GOES TO THE BARBER EVERY WEEK, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
*Nullbert is currently saving up for his annual trip to the barber and, at this moment, closely resembles Cousin Itt from the Addams Family*

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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby thatindianguy » Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:31 pm

What the fuckingless fuckity fuchbaskets fuckenstenien American fuckthic fuchwallis fuchheil toodle wafglers?
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby DoglovingJim » Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:40 pm

I wonder if they purposely made it like this... so then... the comments...

"Due to the hostility displayed in the comments section today towards an author who only just starting writing articles we have finally decided to turn off the comments section, We will not let this place remain a toxic environment which scares off anybody who wants to write for us and you already have been given dozens of chances to clean up your act."
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Last edited by DoglovingJim on Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:50 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Edgar Cabrera wrote:HOLY SHIT GUYS, IT'S DOGLOVINGJIM!!! HE'S HERE!!!

skoobadive wrote:It's the legendary DoglovingJim! Ohboy, this must be the greatest day of my life!

Cracked.com wrote:Initially, his interest in animals was "primarily a sexual attraction," but as he grew older, he also "developed the emotional attraction." We guess we could call what Jim does ... dog-lovin'
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby Tuli » Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:41 pm

Wow. I think for the first time I can understand all the hate hipsters get on the Internet.

The reason: I know some cool people who might be categorized as hipsters when looking at their fashion and music choices. Hey, if that's the metric, I could even be one! But now I realize that you also need incredible amounts of vanity, shallowness and smugness to go along with it to be a true hipster. Which is like the exact opposite of people I like to associate with. Bleh.
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Last edited by Tuli on Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby Qinglong » Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:42 pm

thatindianguy wrote:What the fuckingless fuckity fuchbaskets fuckenstenien American fuckthic fuchwallis fuchheil toodle wafglers?

According to Wikipedia, India has 122 major languages, but I don't recognize that one at all.
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Man created logic and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know.
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby Masonator » Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:44 pm

This is one of those articles that is so bad it doesn't even deserve criticism. That's...about all I have to say.
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby Tuli » Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:10 pm

Also this line: "Besides, being in a band is kind of kid stuff."

So he thinks being a glorified consumer is actually better than creating something yourself. What? Don't get me wrong, there's a place for critics. But when you're some sort of music critic who's so dismissive about what musicians do, I'm going to question what you're even doing with your life. :roll:
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby gisambards » Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:25 pm

If they'd published this a few years ago, I would have assumed it was satire. But now? No. This article existed for one reason: clickbait. It wasn't even vaguely attempting to push an agenda, like their "feminist" articles. It was just an unredeemable turd, that so many people are going to click on.
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby AdricDePsycho » Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:32 pm

This article was shit. The only thing I agreed with is that Huey Lewis & the News fucking rock (CAUSE THAT'S THE POWER OF LOVE). And you know, even though I refuse to call myself a hipster, I share a few traits (I like a few indie bands, though I preferably listen to classic rock, I wear nonprescription Buddy Holly glasses, and I like wearing trench coats and converse sneakers), but I at least attempt to be more inclusive of people's opinions and NOT act like a douche. This author, though: he can go fuck himself with a jackhammer up his ass.
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We all go a little mad sometimes...I'm just a little mad all of the time!
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby blehblah » Sat Apr 18, 2015 5:12 pm

Tuli wrote: Bleh.


Wut? Really, wut? Oh... oh, I see.

Right.

IMHO, obvious sarcasm is obvious. The 'Bateman was a hipster because he was an ultra-conformist' bit is funny, I guess, because hipsters are oh-so conform to only nonconformity... so, erm, funny.

Satire is hard to pull-off, as noted in at least one Cracked article I remember. As they say, when you do it perfectly, it's impossible to tell satire from earnest stupidity. This article had to go a bit over the top to clearly mark it as satire. The 'Bateman was a hipster' bit is a solidly ludicrous foundation, but the article didn't deliver on the funny. I think when writing deeply satirical stuff, it's hard to not worry about it being so straight-faced that the magical moment halfway through, when folks should sit back and think, "Lawd, this is hilarious... wait a minute... AHHHH, he got me... here I was thinking eating Irish babies was an actual proposal... oh, man... had me going, and that makes me ponder the stupidity of government policies with regard to..." won't happen.

Maybe a "So you wanna be a hipster like Bateman" by our favourite "So you..." author would have worked better.
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A quantum state of signature may or may not be here... you just ruined it.
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby EstebanColberto » Sat Apr 18, 2015 5:14 pm

How the fuck is Bateman a hero for hipster-kind anyway? Shouldn't your hero be from a Wes Anderson film? Max Fischer from Rushmore! That's your hero! Learn 2 hipster correctly hipsters!
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby NotCIAAgent » Sat Apr 18, 2015 5:17 pm

Hello guys, I see we have a new article th--

Tesseracts wrote:Have you ever met a stupid little goth kid who brags about how "insane" they are as if they are special and important?


*turn away and leave the room*



YOU MUTHAFUCKAS CAN'T TAKE HOW UNIQUE MY PARANOIA MAKES ME!

Edit:

Tuli wrote:But when you're some sort of music critic who's so dismissive about what musicians do, I'm going to question what you're even doing with your life. :roll:


When did that stop a game critic?
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Re: Very confusing, dare I say, BAFFLING-MIND-BLOWING articl

Postby EstebanColberto » Sat Apr 18, 2015 5:38 pm

I think hipsters may just get a little too much hate. I hang out with some hipster-ish types and they seem like pretty swell chaps. The more I hang out with them, the more I realize we have much in common. We like the same music, the same movies-hold on! My jeans just shrunk two sizes. Where did this thin moustache come from. And this sock cap? I don't own any sock caps.

Oh god! The transformation! It's upon me! NOOOOO! Please...my fellow commenters...remember me for who I was...not for what I'm about...to...become!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

*eyeroll* This site is so over. Why do I even come here. Who's up for some gluten free bagels?
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