Tesseracts wrote:I just read it. It's not bad. It's another one of those "sexism exists" articles, nothing really controversial. However I don't agree with this thing.
Every woman we talked to has encountered the attitude "You just need to suck it up and be strong." But, as Katie points out, that's putting the onus on the wrong person.
"I see that as kind of victim-blaming. It's not other people's fault for being terrible human beings; it's your fault for not being able to deal with it. There's something wrong with you, not them. And that's a really sad attitude for people to have to put up with. But it's quite common. I think every woman in the industry knows it, whether they admit it or not."
This doesn't sound like victim blaming. If it's said in a judgmental way, it could be victim blaming, but you can also advise someone on how to deal with trolls without necessarily blaming them for being trolled.
Agreed. This point is generally horseshit, since it's part of the usual "assuming malice" dance that every keyboard warrior goes through. It assumes that anyone who says a particular phrase or advises a particular course of action obviously intends you harm or blame, even subconsciously, and they need to be called out on some sort of complicit collusion with the patriarchy.
The fact that certain members of the social justice movement tend to automatically assume the worst of their fellow human beings leads me to think that maybe, just
maybe, they possess an unhealthy and fucked-up prejudice and distrust towards other people. You aren't going to get far or effectively convince anyone if you villainize them the instant they take a particular position or say a particular term or phrase. Where's the compassion? Where's the benefit-of-the-doubt?
"You need to suck it up and be strong"
can certainly be victim-blaming if put with that exact phrasing and stuck in the mouth of a strawman, but we mustn't ignore context. Similar (but far more tactful) statements can actually be calls for endurance and solidarity. The person saying it can possibly be insensitive, but they aren't necessarily
blaming you.
Because, lets face it, the only thing we can actually control within our sphere is how we personally cope with hardship. Asking and encouraging someone to be strong in the face of adversity isn't putting the "onus" on the victim, especially if you also decry the behavior of the person causing them issue. You cannot directly control the behavior of a troll, but you can certainly take steps against it and find ways to endure or defuse it. That's the first step.