4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

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4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby gisambards » Fri Mar 20, 2015 3:23 pm

http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/4-sa ... -universe/

Star Wars has gay bad guys! How dare they! All real gay people are good guys! ALL OF THEM!!

Also, transgendered people and hermaphrodite monsters are apparently the same thing. In usual Cracked SJW fashion, they have written an article about how they perceive something as offensive to a group they're not a member of, and in doing so have found entirely new ways of being offensive to that group.

On the other hand, even if he's got no idea about LGBT stuff, this guy clearly knows his shit when it comes to Star Wars. So kudos for that.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby Marcuse » Fri Mar 20, 2015 3:41 pm

Okay, Nerd Alert time.

4. Lesbians keep falling to the dark side.

So? What about them being lesbians makes them fall to the Dark Side? Nothing. So it's entirely unrelated. Unless being lesbian is making them evil, who cares?

Also, if we're talking KOTOR, why are we ignoring KOTOR2? I'm pretty sure the protagonist of that game is canonically female, and I'm reasonably sure you can be light side and have a relationship with anyone you want. I don't think there's an overt romance option, but it's still there in the influence system.

3. The only gay couple ran with Boba Fett.

Goran Beviin and Medrit Vasur are two of the best gay characters I've ever read in fiction. They're individuals, with personalities, an adopted child and a friend who happens to be Mand'alore and also a total bastard. Beviin is the guy that does the real running of Mandalore, and Fett muses he should have been the leader, not him. Let me state that again, Boba freaking Fett says that guy should be planetary ruler. How is this bad again?

Oh right, because they're mercenaries, and therefore evil. Well, if you're working on a ten-year-old's interpretation of things, sure. Beviin is a merc because he's Mandalorian. Nothing about him being gay is relevant to that, so why is it important? Beviin in particular is calm, collected, intelligent and interesting. He's a reflection of everything Fett could never be, and frankly, the fact he's gay is never important to the plot.

Besides, the supercommandos totally saved the GA's asses at Caluua station.

2. The Hutts are a species of evil hermaphrodites

I'll just quote this for posterity:

And yet, some-fucking-how, Hutts are the closest Star Wars ever gets to addressing transgender issues.


Star Wars, the great gender politics epic. Or not. The Hutts are hermaphrodites because they're worms, and their reproduction is based on worms. It's not hard to see that they aren't a metaphor for humans or the real world at all. So this point is ridiculous. Also the Hutts fought the dangerous game with the Vong, and secretly aided the Republic, and saw Nar Shadaa levelled as a result (Nar Shadaa is a freaking moon btw).

1. Moff Mors is still a freaking moff

Yeah, and so was Admiral Daala. She wasn't gay, but she was respected and interesting. I see no reason why Moff Mors (stupid fucking name) would be otherwise. Tarkin is striking, and authoritative, and inflexible and interesting. He orders Darth Vader around. Why would that be a bad thing? For me the worst thing they could do with Mors is make her sexuality the defining characteristic. Make her interesting in other ways, and let her sexuality be a feature, not the whole damn point.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby KleinerKiller » Fri Mar 20, 2015 3:49 pm

Ah, modern Cracked. In days long passed, this kind of ridiculous point-missing and barrel-scraping would have been the perfect material for a satirical comedy article, where the author's oversensitivity would be the entire joke. Now they genuinely believe that barebones research and strawmen constitute cogent points about LGBT portrayals.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Fri Mar 20, 2015 3:53 pm

Well, of course a twenty-something columnist of a website that's gone SJW doesn't believe in Gray and Grey morality!
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby thatindianguy » Fri Mar 20, 2015 3:57 pm

As I keep screaming at the brick wall riding on top of a stupidly tall horse that is Tumblr, it's not enough to talk about social issues in fiction, you actually have to be good at it.
Or even just competent.
In fact, you really, really need to otherwise you're really doing more harm than good.
Cracked however refuse to get this. I remember a tumblr post from Soren that basically amounted to, 'Social issues are important so even if someone sucks at it they shouldn't be called out."

Also my troll tried to follow me here. Kind of unsettling.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby Tuli » Fri Mar 20, 2015 4:00 pm

Wait, so there's gay people in a popular fiction who are not defined by their sexuality nor made out to be some one-dimensional paragons of virtue. Isn't this... the dream?
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Fri Mar 20, 2015 4:05 pm

I bet this guy is one of those people who identifies as one of the 56 facebook genders or one of the 1000 Tumblr genders that's really just another way of saying "cisgender man" just so he can pretend to have a "horse in the race", if you catch my drift.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby gisambards » Fri Mar 20, 2015 5:18 pm

They changed the title!
"4 Bizarre Gay Stereotypes of the Star Wars Universe"

Presumably a reference to those age-old stereotypes:
All lesbians are evil!
All gay people are mercenaries!
All transgendered people are hermaphroditic alien worms!
All lesbians are evil again!

These are all harmful stereotypes that members of the LGBT community have to overcome every single day. Probably.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby thatindianguy » Fri Mar 20, 2015 5:45 pm

Oh by Christ ( can I swear by Christ? Eh I got a million gods what's one more?) .

The last one is just, "There's a lesbian and her dad was evil." Yeah, because evil father's of good heroes is something that never showed up in Star wars.
And in the first one, sure there's a lesbian who starts down a dark path, but but if you play as a woman the protagonist is into girls too. What the hell's the conflict?
Finally, 'badass mercenary' is not a gay stereotype. Quite the opposite in fact.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby NathanLoiselle » Fri Mar 20, 2015 7:04 pm

gisambards wrote:They changed the title!
"4 Bizarre Gay Stereotypes of the Star Wars Universe"

Presumably a reference to those age-old stereotypes:
All lesbians are evil!
All gay people are mercenaries!
All transgendered people are hermaphroditic alien worms!
All lesbians are evil again!

These are all harmful stereotypes that members of the LGBT community have to overcome every single day. Probably.


As a person who has spent time with gay people and thus an expert I can clearly say two things. One, lesbians aren't evil. They just wear comfortable shoes. Two, all hermaphroditic alien worms are really transgendered. Although feeling as if you should have been born to the other sex when you've only got one sex is more of a thing that drives you into the 'mercenary' lifestyle. If that's what you want to call it.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby Anglerphobe » Fri Mar 20, 2015 7:43 pm

I think Finding Nemo was offensive to transgender people, too. The clownfish protagonists, clearly a thinly veiled representation of trans people, were shown to be negligent parents, dental practice vandals, and fishing boat wreckers. This film should be banned immediately lest more cisgendered people are stirred into a berserk fury of self righteous outrage.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby Jack Road » Fri Mar 20, 2015 8:21 pm

I mean, all lesbians are evil. That isn't contested. Am I the only one who watched Barbarella as a child? Here she is devouring this young girl!

NSFW-ish
Image


...okay so maybe I wasn't allowed to watch this movie. But I think the fact that lesbians are cannibals is pretty clear from this image. The body bed was probably a real person once too, I bet.

All jokes aside, what the fuck Cracked? In a world filled with inexplicable hatred towards what other people do with their consensual genitals and orifices, why go after Fantasy and Sci-Fi? Those genres have opened up whole new orifices on distant worlds for us to explore!

Also, how the hell was this a movie in 1968 and people from then are telling us we are the over-sexualized generation? He hooked her up to an orgasm machine for criss-cross sake.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby EstebanColberto » Fri Mar 20, 2015 9:06 pm

This reminds me of how the right wing has those people that think every movie with a rich guy villain is indoctrinating the youth with the evil socialism. It's just an evil rich guy. It doesn't mean anything! I'm pretty sure Cracked may have made fun of this before back when the Lorax was in theaters.
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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby LaChaise » Fri Mar 20, 2015 9:11 pm

Burn Inflict wrote:Also, how the hell was this a movie in 1968 and people from then are telling us we are the over-sexualized generation? He hooked her up to an orgasm machine for criss-cross sake.


It was made by a Frenchman who chose "banging the most beautiful women of the planet" as his film school's secondary major.
In the 60s.
Honestly I'd have been surprised if it hadn't been super sexualized. That was business as usual for us. Have you seen our comics from this era?

One example comes to mind among the oceans of boobs:

Image

Actually-Topic-Relevant-Bonus: we also got really into disco at the time, and as you've seen above, sci-fi. We've done... things.

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Re: 4 Sad Realities of Being Gay in the 'Star Wars' Universe

Postby NathanLoiselle » Fri Mar 20, 2015 9:30 pm

I feel obligated to post this here.

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