I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Our thoughts about the famous Cracked.com.

Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby D-LOGAN » Sun Mar 08, 2015 11:24 am

You know, the fella who wrote this was the first person to ever leave a response on my very first article pitch to Cracked all them years ago, when the Earth was fresh and mankind still had the last vestiges of it's innocence. Just a random dude leaving a message saying he liked my idea and wishing me well with it ... that stuck with me yo. Stuff like that does. I still remember the first time someone mentioned my cracked-username thingy in another thread, it was a nice. Anywho, it just gave me a boost is all. Just sayin' like.

And now he has an article of his own out. Good for him man. Good for everyone everywhere always. DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE! Slàinte.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby iMURDAu » Sun Mar 08, 2015 2:47 pm

Barkeep just bring me a liter of bourbon and a liter of Coca-Cola. And a pillow because its barely 9:30 a.m. here and that's about 10.5 hours before I ever begin drinking.

I'd have more to say but I'm too busy patting myself on the back for sticking to my guns and avoiding Cracked altogether. I think it would benefit you alls health to do the same. I worry about TCS members suffering ruptured blood vessels in the brain, excessive stress put on the index and middle fingers from typing "fuck" repeatedly, and the loss of voice from yelling at a monitor (they can't hear you even if your mic is turned on).

I really think we should change the title of this thread to "Click here for your FREE PS4 or Xbox One". It would bring more people into the discussion.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby DamianaRaven » Sun Mar 08, 2015 5:29 pm

iMURDAu wrote:...excessive stress put on the index and middle fingers from typing "fuck" repeatedly


Which is especially stressful when one's middle finger has a rock-hard erection.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby TheSyrupNugget » Sun Mar 08, 2015 8:04 pm

Ericthebearjew wrote:This article sort of begs the question, what do tumblrites expect out of video games? What would be their ideal video game? Do they even want video games to be a thing?


Far as I can gather, I think the consensus is...
  • All the characters are women
  • ...Sorry, womyn...
  • Of color.
  • ...Again, my apologies, lesbian womyn of color
  • And the villains are cishet white men.
  • Uh oh, I didn't realize cishet white men triggered so many tumblr users. Okay, no cishet white men in the game whatsoever!
  • Also, the lesbian womyn of color (henceforth referred to as LWOC) must be disabled in some way
  • Also, LWOC can't be the villains, as that's demonizing LWOC
  • So basically, there's no conflict because there's nothing worse than LWOC tearing down other LWOC
  • Sorry, except cishet white men
  • The whole plot should just be LWOC supporting LWOC and fighting the Patriarchy
  • Certain dialogue options should have a trigger warning, just in case they offend someone
  • Sorry ALL dialogue should have a trigger warning, anything has the potential to be triggering
  • Actually, is there a way to make the Patriarchy the villain without including any men in the game? If so, do that
  • This game is meant to be a safe space for absolutely everyone, remember that
  • Wait, sorry, it's come to my attention that declaring all characters LWOC excludes trans* people, so erasing gender is important
  • All the characters are DLGBTQ+POCWDRGAIOASC (Disabled LGBTQ+ People Of Color, Who Don't Recognize Gender As It's Only A Social Construct)
  • ...Sorry, it's come to my attention that DLGBTQ+POCWDRGAIOASC erases the identities of those who don't identify as human
  • All the characters are DLGBTQ+BOCWDRGOSABAOASC (Disabled LGBTQ+ Beings Of Color, Who Don't Recognize Gender Or Species, As Both Are Only A Social Construct)
  • OH COME ON WHO COULD THAT POSSIBLY HAVE LEFT OUT?!
  • WHAT EVEN IS A NONEXISTENTKIN?
  • YOU CAN'T JUST-- YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT
  • Video games are just problematic in general. You shouldn't play them. Shitlord.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby gorillathehun » Sun Mar 08, 2015 9:58 pm

Ericthebearjew wrote:This article sort of begs the question, what do tumblrites expect out of video games? What would be their ideal video game? Do they even want video games to be a thing?


Hey man, sociology majors have to do something after they graduate right? And all they really want out of a video game is the same thing we all do, an excuse for righteous indignation.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby EstebanColberto » Sun Mar 08, 2015 11:05 pm

Well there actually is a game called Social Justice Warriors on Steam. It's an RPG where all you do is argue with people on the internet. That sounds like it would be right up their alley.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby krankittoeleven » Sun Mar 08, 2015 11:48 pm

gorillathehun wrote:
Ericthebearjew wrote:This article sort of begs the question, what do tumblrites expect out of video games? What would be their ideal video game? Do they even want video games to be a thing?


Hey man, sociology majors have to do something after they graduate right? And all they really want out of a video game is the same thing we all do, an excuse for righteous indignation.


Some people don't need an excuse. I know a couple people that exist in a perpetual state of righteous indignation. I have no idea how they manage to do it. Seems like it would take too much energy to maintain that state of being. Clearly I'm not dedicated enough for that sort of mentality. I rarely stay mad about something for more than 5 minute.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby gorillathehun » Mon Mar 09, 2015 12:14 am

krankittoeleven wrote:
Some people don't need an excuse. I know a couple people that exist in a perpetual state of righteous indignation. I have no idea how they manage to do it. Seems like it would take too much energy to maintain that state of being. Clearly I'm not dedicated enough for that sort of mentality. I rarely stay mad about something for more than 5 minute.



Fuck that! How the fuck can you be so motherfucking calm when there's like politicians and like corporations and shit?!!?

And, I'm done.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby Gendry » Mon Mar 09, 2015 1:35 am

One thing's for sure, though - as long as Cracked keeps pissing off its core viewership, TCS will keep getting new users :D



P.S. keep up the promotion in the comment section, that's really the only way people can find out TCS exists
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby EstebanColberto » Mon Mar 09, 2015 3:39 am

krankittoeleven wrote:
gorillathehun wrote:
Ericthebearjew wrote:This article sort of begs the question, what do tumblrites expect out of video games? What would be their ideal video game? Do they even want video games to be a thing?


Hey man, sociology majors have to do something after they graduate right? And all they really want out of a video game is the same thing we all do, an excuse for righteous indignation.


Some people don't need an excuse. I know a couple people that exist in a perpetual state of righteous indignation. I have no idea how they manage to do it. Seems like it would take too much energy to maintain that state of being. Clearly I'm not dedicated enough for that sort of mentality. I rarely stay mad about something for more than 5 minute.


I'm wondering just how old most of these people are. I know there's quite a few of them out there in their 30s and 40s that write articles for Salon, but I'm pretty certain the majority of their followers are in their late teens and early 20s. People just develop a "Fight the Power!" type attitude at that age, not everyone, but definitely anyone that forms an interest in politics and goes to college. Back in high school, I listened to Rage Against the Machine and formed the opinion that Mumia Abu Jamal should be set free. I based that judgment pretty much entirely due to the fact that Rage liked to sing about it and I loved Rage. I still have only a vague idea of who he is. Some guy that may or may not have killed a cop. If you had met me 10 years ago, you would've heard me comparing Bush to Hitler and coming up with crazy ass conspiracies about how he was going to stay in power indefinitely and turn this country into a theocracy. At least I wasn't a 9/11 Truther, but I'd still be pretty obnoxious to chat with online.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby krankittoeleven » Mon Mar 09, 2015 6:53 am

EstebanColberto wrote:I'm wondering just how old most of these people are. I know there's quite a few of them out there in their 30s and 40s that write articles for Salon, but I'm pretty certain the majority of their followers are in their late teens and early 20s. People just develop a "Fight the Power!" type attitude at that age, not everyone, but definitely anyone that forms an interest in politics and goes to college. Back in high school, I listened to Rage Against the Machine and formed the opinion that Mumia Abu Jamal should be set free. I based that judgment pretty much entirely due to the fact that Rage liked to sing about it and I loved Rage. I still have only a vague idea of who he is. Some guy that may or may not have killed a cop. If you had met me 10 years ago, you would've heard me comparing Bush to Hitler and coming up with crazy ass conspiracies about how he was going to stay in power indefinitely and turn this country into a theocracy. At least I wasn't a 9/11 Truther, but I'd still be pretty obnoxious to chat with online.


The one that I spend the most time around is a co-worker in his late 30's. And he's a medium style 9/11 truther to boot. The killer is that he's actually a pretty nice guy when he's not flipping out about whatever has stirred up his shit on any given day. But it's a pretty small window.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Mon Mar 09, 2015 7:48 am

Sometimes it feels as though humanity would be much more tolerable if one just went straight from the naiveté of childhood to the bitter, angry cynicism of a middle-aged alcoholic around the age of 12.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby EstebanColberto » Mon Mar 09, 2015 8:00 am

Ericthebearjew wrote:Sometimes it feels as though humanity would be much more tolerable if one just went straight from the naiveté of childhood to the bitter, angry cynicism of a middle-aged alcoholic around the age of 12.


Would you mind putting a trigger warning for "bitter, angry cynicism of a middle-aged alcoholic?" My feels, bro! My feels!

Edit: I feel that the perfect age to be is 31 and 363/365ths. Until tomorrow when it's 31 and 364/365ths. Those 363ers just don't understand.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby EstebanColberto » Mon Mar 09, 2015 8:58 am

krankittoeleven wrote:
EstebanColberto wrote:I'm wondering just how old most of these people are. I know there's quite a few of them out there in their 30s and 40s that write articles for Salon, but I'm pretty certain the majority of their followers are in their late teens and early 20s. People just develop a "Fight the Power!" type attitude at that age, not everyone, but definitely anyone that forms an interest in politics and goes to college. Back in high school, I listened to Rage Against the Machine and formed the opinion that Mumia Abu Jamal should be set free. I based that judgment pretty much entirely due to the fact that Rage liked to sing about it and I loved Rage. I still have only a vague idea of who he is. Some guy that may or may not have killed a cop. If you had met me 10 years ago, you would've heard me comparing Bush to Hitler and coming up with crazy ass conspiracies about how he was going to stay in power indefinitely and turn this country into a theocracy. At least I wasn't a 9/11 Truther, but I'd still be pretty obnoxious to chat with online.


The one that I spend the most time around is a co-worker in his late 30's. And he's a medium style 9/11 truther to boot. The killer is that he's actually a pretty nice guy when he's not flipping out about whatever has stirred up his shit on any given day. But it's a pretty small window.


Yeah, I knew a guy like this back when I lived in Minneapolis for about a year and a half. He was a great guy. Pretty funny. Did stand up a lil and had a couple friends that managed to get gigs on the Tonight Show. (Sorry, can't remember who they were), but pretty much everything Republicans did was evil. He'd bitch about Scott Walker constantly (he was originally from Wisconsin) and make snide remarks about how murder is legal in Florida (aka George Zimmerman). I'm like, dude! I just grew out of this phase a week ago and you're still hammering it with grey hair and bags under your eyes. Then again, I guess being from Indiana, I constantly get told I'm wrong and I'm forced to actually think about things from another perspective.
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Re: I don't like Cracked's Portal article

Postby Tesseracts » Mon Mar 09, 2015 12:38 pm

D-LOGAN wrote:You know, the fella who wrote this was the first person to ever leave a response on my very first article pitch to Cracked all them years ago, when the Earth was fresh and mankind still had the last vestiges of it's innocence. Just a random dude leaving a message saying he liked my idea and wishing me well with it ... that stuck with me yo. Stuff like that does. I still remember the first time someone mentioned my cracked-username thingy in another thread, it was a nice. Anywho, it just gave me a boost is all. Just sayin' like.

And now he has an article of his own out. Good for him man. Good for everyone everywhere always. DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE! Slàinte.

This makes me feel bad. I've been talking about Cracked like they are a single entity conspiring to write things that annoy me, not like they are composed of actual people.
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