7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves Out

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7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves Out

Postby Arkyle » Sun Feb 22, 2015 6:37 pm

I found this article quite interesting. However there is one thing I am still tyring to get my head around. I can get that loss of control can be entertaining. I get that most of this is more role play than real due to the consent. Having said that, the part I can't get my head around, and a point that the article doesn't really address:

At what point does knowingly inflicting pain and getting your rocks off on that become "fun" and not abuse? How is knowingly humiliating someone sexy?

This isn't a value judgement, I genuinely don't understand it, and would appreciate thoughts on the matter.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby Taluun » Sun Feb 22, 2015 7:18 pm

I could be misunderstanding a lot about it but I think the general idea is. Person A who is being "abused" is enjoying it. Person B who is doing the "abuse" is enjoying it. If both parties are honestly happy then its perfectly fine.

If person A who is being "abused" is not legitimately enjoying it than I would say its bordering on abuse.

The whole subject is very much a grey area (Ha!) I would say because its rather difficult to fully determine everyones likes and dislikes and reasons for doing things.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby Ceiling_Squid » Sun Feb 22, 2015 7:48 pm

As I understand it, this is why practitioners of BDSM rely on safewords and clear communication.

It's how you avoid veering into abuse, and it's not terribly different from people practicing other kinds of sex communicating with their partner about what they're enjoying, or if they are comfortable with a particular position or practice in the bedroom .

I have heard it said that, in the books, Mr. Grey ignores a safe word. I guess that with non-BDSM sex, that'd be like a person saying "no, not that" to a particular act, and their partner forcing it on them anyway. That's withdrawal of consent, followed by rape. Or simply sexual abuse if the act was just inflicting pain.

Then again, I know next to nothing about BDSM or the book. I hope my layman's interpretation of the dilemma isn't far off the mark.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby LegionofShrooms » Sun Feb 22, 2015 8:47 pm

As for how a submissive enjoys it, it probably varies from person to person. I know that some people get off on pain. Hell, a lot of us do during arousal. Think about the hair pulling, the spanking, the clawing down the back that would normally be annoying or painful to most of us but in a lot of circumstances can become erotic in the heat of the moment.

Just think of sadomasichism as a mildly more extreme form of that.

After all, pain and pleasure have a strange link, and both activate the same or similar parts of the brain when triggered if I recall, so it's not so odd. It all breaks down to endorphins and chemicals at the end of the day, provided you believe in looking at it from a scientific standpoint like I do.

I've heard that a lot of the appeal comes from a psychological perspective-either gaining or giving up control. This obviously isn't the case for everyone, but I've heard tell that some subs that like giving up control do so as a release from always having to be in control during their professional or public lives, and therefore turning that over to someone else for a few hours can be incredibly freeing, whereas those that are dominant sometimes feel powerless during their day to day lives, and domination is a means of regaining that power.

Of course, this is all hearsay and I'm sure it varies wildly depending on individuals, so grain of salt and all that jazz.
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Last edited by LegionofShrooms on Sun Feb 22, 2015 10:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby Andropov4 » Sun Feb 22, 2015 9:59 pm

LegionofShrooms wrote:
Of course, this is all hearsay and I'm sure it varies wildly depending on individuals, so grain of salt and all that jazz jizz.


Fixed it.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby DamianaRaven » Sun Feb 22, 2015 10:08 pm

Y'know, Pov doesn't like people shaking his hands. Because of this, he never washes them! I just thought everyone should know that, as a public service sort of announcement.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby sunglasses » Sun Feb 22, 2015 11:09 pm

Arkyle wrote:I found this article quite interesting. However there is one thing I am still tyring to get my head around. I can get that loss of control can be entertaining. I get that most of this is more role play than real due to the consent. Having said that, the part I can't get my head around, and a point that the article doesn't really address:

At what point does knowingly inflicting pain and getting your rocks off on that become "fun" and not abuse? How is knowingly humiliating someone sexy?

This isn't a value judgement, I genuinely don't understand it, and would appreciate thoughts on the matter.


It's not always about humiliation-that's just a small subset and the master/slave ppl tend to be into that.

And again, it's a huge amount of trust and communication. If I'm with person B and I know person B likes to be spanked with bare hands but not a paddle, then I'm sure as shit not going to use a paddle.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby LegionofShrooms » Mon Feb 23, 2015 4:30 am

You're a dom, sunglasses?

Coolio.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby LaChaise » Mon Feb 23, 2015 4:36 am

sunglasses wrote:And again, it's a huge amount of trust and communication. If I'm with person B and I know person B likes to be spanked with bare hands but not a paddle, then I'm sure as shit not going to use a paddle.


I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT THE SYRINGE BUT YOU NEVER LISTENED

Oh wait, this was a flu shot, not a sex thing?

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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby Dr. Ambiguous » Mon Feb 23, 2015 5:08 am

Chaise is getting his doctor's visits and porn fantasies mixed together again. We should probably help him, but I'd rather see what happens if we don't.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby Taluun » Mon Feb 23, 2015 5:14 am

He is probably getting them mixed up because his porn fantasies involve his doctor's visits.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby AveryGlendale » Mon Feb 23, 2015 6:16 am

Taluun wrote:He is probably getting them mixed up because his porn fantasies involve his doctor's visits.

Yours don't?
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby Aquila89 » Mon Feb 23, 2015 10:52 am

I have trouble comprehending even regular sex, so BDSM is an absolute mystery to me. Apparently, perfectly healthy people enjoy it, which I just cannot imagine, but I have zero experience, so that'd not surprising.

Anyway, back in 2013, I wrote about the Fifty Shades movie in this forum:

How will that thing make money? The book is full of explicit sex scenes, and that's pretty much the only thing it has going for it. If the movie waters them down, the appeal is gone. If it doesn't, no respectable actor will come near it, and it'll get an NC-17 rating. No film with that rating ever made money.


Well, I was wrong. They went with the first option, and the film is a massive hit. I have no idea why.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby sunglasses » Mon Feb 23, 2015 1:55 pm

LegionofShrooms wrote:You're a dom, sunglasses?

Coolio.


Negative. I was just giving an example.

And Chaise, shut up and take your shots. TAKE THEM! You filth. YOU DESERVE THIS SHOT.

It's a vitamin B-12 shot, seriously, it's for your own good.
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Re: 7 Strange Realities of BDSM '50 Shades of Grey' Leaves O

Postby Arkyle » Mon Feb 23, 2015 5:24 pm

Aquila89 wrote:Well, I was wrong. They went with the first option, and the film is a massive hit. I have no idea why.


Not really. Sure, it did well opening weekend, but the hype had no staying power (hur hur). I read a stat saying it was as little as 10% of the opening weekend.
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