The Comment Section Courthouse

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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Australia » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:39 pm

Fine, sunglasses. I'll take the lot. I really shouldn't have quit my job in all the excitement. I assumed I was going to live off the income from this testimony for my whole life. You may begin your questioning but I refuse to stop playing the gavel. Also I take 10 hours to respond to all questions. It's my thing.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Dottoe » Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:12 am

JugularNotch wrote:NEW CASE

So I was all kinds of confused. I thought movie night was tonight. This is because in the original post about it, JamesT said it was on 4/26. Today is 4/26. So no, I'm not a complete tool for misunderstanding this.

I'm now suing JamesT and the entire TCS staff for misleading information and fraud.



Wait...


Is it not? I'm signing this lawsuit for undue sadness that I'd missed it.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby LaChaise » Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:51 am

The culprit was found, we can now call Batman. Case closed.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby sunglasses » Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:53 am

Australia wrote:Fine, sunglasses. I'll take the lot. I really shouldn't have quit my job in all the excitement. I assumed I was going to live off the income from this testimony for my whole life. You may begin your questioning but I refuse to stop playing the gavel. Also I take 10 hours to respond to all questions. It's my thing.

Deal. Austalia, did you see Eric the Bear Jew defaming himself and did you EVER see Ms. Eyebrows defaming the Bear?
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby JamesT » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:44 am

JugularNotch wrote:NEW CASE

So I was all kinds of confused. I thought movie night was tonight. This is because in the original post about it, JamesT said it was on 4/26. Today is 4/26. So no, I'm not a complete tool for misunderstanding this.

I'm now suing JamesT and the entire TCS staff for misleading information and fraud.



Wait...


I plead incompetence and also that all of my clocks are on Zimbabwe time.

edit: Just in case anyone's confused, the movie night is 4/27. Make sure to check here for the details
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:37 am

Whatever happened to my mauling lawsuit?
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:56 am

sunglasses wrote:
I can be a lawyer. I have a bachelor's degree and that should be good enough, damn it.

Your spiderly honor, I have a cart full of crickets right here for now reason whatsoever, and am sure that I can convince you that Ms. Eyebrows never once defamed the JewBear's character. Any defamation that occurred was caused or said by Mr. Bear himself. He keeps threatening to maul my witnesses so I have no one to call to the stand in Ms. Eyebrows defense.

Threatening?
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Australia » Sat Apr 27, 2013 9:41 am

sunglasses wrote:
Australia wrote:Fine, sunglasses. I'll take the lot. I really shouldn't have quit my job in all the excitement. I assumed I was going to live off the income from this testimony for my whole life. You may begin your questioning but I refuse to stop playing the gavel. Also I take 10 hours to respond to all questions. It's my thing.

Deal. Austalia, did you see Eric the Bear Jew defaming himself and did you EVER see Ms. Eyebrows defaming the Bear?


You can't handle the truth! But yeah, sure. Why not? I'm not under oath.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Ashtherion » Sat Apr 27, 2013 11:56 am

OrangeEyebrows wrote:These probationary pants are comfy. Can I still be bailiff while I'm on probation?


Motion carried! *hands Orange Eyebrows back her bailiff uniform* Please, note however, that you are still on probation Ms. Eyebrows, and I do expect you to continue wearing your probationary pants till your sentence is complete.

*bangs gavel*

NEXT!

Nostraa wrote:I have decided that spiders are part of a complete breakfast! Join me my fellow non spiders and let us feast upon these tyrants! Viva la Revolution!
*tries to chew through web binding me down*


Mr. Nostraa, you are hereby charged with 32 counts of sedition against the Ashtherion Imperial Administration, and one count of eating breakfast at lunchtime! You will will cease and desist your rebellion against the state at once and report to the court immediately for sentencing whilst still bound by spiderwebs or end up like this guy
Image

You may however, continue your seditious activities against all other states, groups or individuals, on the grounds that the court believes it will be funny.

*bangs gavel*

NEXT!

JugularNotch wrote:
So I was all kinds of confused. I thought movie night was tonight. This is because in the original post about it, JamesT said it was on 4/26. Today is 4/26. So no, I'm not a complete tool for misunderstanding this.

I'm now suing JamesT and the entire TCS staff for misleading information and fraud.

Wait...


Motion carried! The court rules in favour of Mr. Notch in Jugular Notch vs. TCS Staff, case file: #2213! And charges TCS staff with an arbitrary count of gross incompetency. However, taking under advisement that:

1.Typical Michael is Batman and therefore beholden to no law.
2. JamesT is a hobo, and therefore has neither dignity, time nor anything of value that this court may attempt to deprive him of.
3. Ms. Eyebrows was serving a sentence at the time of the crime, she has an alibi and is therefore innocent.
4. LaChaise is too handsome to go to prison.
5. Harping Carp and Carping Harp are both already dea-uh...under house arrest.
6. Tesseracts is a Bulbasaur and hence all her wrongdoings should be ascribed not to her but her trainer.
7. Everyone else has to be hyper-competent to make up for numbers 2 and 5.

...the court rules that Mr. Notch shall pay Mr. Notch 32 court-mandated video-recorded spankings to be served out effective immediately and 70688 instances of hand-to-penis sexual encounters to be served out once a day until the end of his days or until such time that all 70688 instances have been carried out. Dottoe gets nothing as he was not listed as a member of the prosecution at the commencement of the case.

*bangs gavel*

NEXT!

sunglasses wrote:Your spiderly honor, I have a cart full of crickets right here for now reason whatsoever


Ms. Sunglasses, you are hereby charged with one count of incorrect vocabulary usage and are hereby sentenced to attend 3-months of spelling rehabilitation seminars in Grammar Nazi Concentration Camp in the presidential suite of the Four Seasons Hotel in Hawaii, Honolulu to be served out at the conclusion of your case.

However, in light of the fact that the Bea Arthur images have since vanished, the court has decided in its vast, vast generosity to instead grant you clemency, so long as you pinky-swear to try not to do it ever again.

*bangs gavel*

Are we done, Ms. Eyebrows? My gavelling legs are starting to get tired.

No?

Ugh.

Image

.....NEX-

Wait a second. Bailiff! BAILIFF! What the hell is Eric still doing in here? I thought we already ruled that his mauling suit was too ridiculous to be trie-oohhhh so he's the defendant in a defamation suit? Got it.

Right. NEXT!

Orange Eyebrows Vs. Eric The Bear Jew Case file: #2214

*gingerly taps gavel*

Court is now in session. Nisi, pass me your notes.

*scans*

Whoa, ok before we begin:

sunglasses wrote:
Australia wrote:Fine, sunglasses. I'll take the lot. I really shouldn't have quit my job in all the excitement. I assumed I was going to live off the income from this testimony for my whole life. You may begin your questioning but I refuse to stop playing the gavel. Also I take 10 hours to respond to all questions. It's my thing.

Deal. Australia, did you see Eric the Bear Jew defaming himself and did you EVER see Ms. Eyebrows defaming the Bear?


Damnit you two, are you seriously conspiring to commit perjury while you're still in a court of justice? I'm seriously tempted to hold both of you under contempt of court, but given the standard of professionalism around here, I suppose I have to let it pass.

Image
However Ms.Sunglasses, your motion to have Australia act as a fake witness is hereby denied, on the grounds that I need that shoulder rub worse than he does. Seriously, my neck is killing m-

Image
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Re: The Comment Section Courthouse

Postby OrangeEyebrows » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:34 pm

I'm confused. Am I going to prison or not? And if I am, can I still keep my probation pants?
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Re: The Comment Section Courthouse

Postby sunglasses » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:01 pm

Well our judge is dead. Again. I think you're free Orange.
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Re: The Comment Section Courthouse

Postby OrangeEyebrows » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:03 pm

Huzzah! *goes on a crime spree*
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Re: The Comment Section Courthouse

Postby Typical Michael » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:42 pm

OrangeEyebrows wrote:I'm confused. Am I going to prison or not? And if I am, can I still keep my probation pants?


I award you no pants, and may God have mercy on your soul.
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Re: The Comment Section Courthouse

Postby OrangeEyebrows » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:44 pm

Fine, then I'm not going to share all this cake I stole.
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Re: The Comment Section Courthouse

Postby Ashtherion » Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:07 pm

*staggers to his feet*

Huh? Wha?

That pic was too gruesome -HC

To all the smartasses out there saying that this is clearly not the same guy who got stabbed in the last image, the court postulates (read: rules) that since both are wearing glasses, they therefore could (read: must) be the same person, and that any variation in skin tone is probably only due to lighting issues.

Who-
.....What just happened?


*blinks gingerly*

Uh...I'll have you know *ragged gasping*, Ms. Sunglasses, that his honours Harp Carpleton and Carp Harpleton are not dead (what a slanderous accusation!) and are just under house arrest and are very much not alive, thank you. And obviously, I'm not quite dead yet either, although I may soon well be if I don't get that shoulder rub that you promised me per our bargain, which is now needed more than ever, now that my neck pain has decided to amplify itself considerably. Bailiff, call 911. Bailiff??

*coughs up blood*

Oh great, now my allergies ar acting u-*incoherent spluttering*



Agh, goddamnit...sunglasses? Ms. sunglasses-please. I think you may have killed me, but you're the only one aroun-*labored gasping*. Write this down I, Ashtherion Spiderton, hereby bequeath, the sum *shallow breaths* of 20 salmons, and 1 trash heap to Ms. Eyebrows . Also- this is vitally important, and I don't know why I *painful coughing* left it so late, but tell Buttchocolate- "Rosary" . He'll kno- *slight gagging*It's in your hands now, child.It's inyour han-

*thunder rumbles, cloud breaks, rain pours down in torrents, sad BGM grows*
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Kate wrote: Every month our body is like, "Yeah, LET'S HAVE A FUCKING BABY! LET'S DO THIS THING!" and gets all ready. And then it's like: "So. You didn't put a baby here. You bitch. God. Why aren't we pregnant? This sucks. I'm gonna cut myself." Women are inherently emo.
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