The Comment Section Courthouse

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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Ashtherion » Fri Apr 26, 2013 6:28 pm

*pats pockets, realizes wallet is missing*

Damnit, Ms. Eyebrows I thought you were the enforcer in these parts! Do I have to do everything around here? *steals bailiff uniform*

Ugh. Spider team 6, spider team 6, do you copy? Target NOSTRAA. N-O-S-T-R-A-A. Whereabouts unknown, known propensity for leather. May be in possession of multiple wallets, frequently identified by trademark Cheshire grin and tiny, tiny eyes.

"Target acquired"

Good work, Spider Team 6. RTB and await further instructions.

Image

Gotcha, you little thief.
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Kate wrote: Every month our body is like, "Yeah, LET'S HAVE A FUCKING BABY! LET'S DO THIS THING!" and gets all ready. And then it's like: "So. You didn't put a baby here. You bitch. God. Why aren't we pregnant? This sucks. I'm gonna cut myself." Women are inherently emo.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby OrangeEyebrows » Fri Apr 26, 2013 6:36 pm

I want to sue Ashtherion for stealing my bailiff uniform, and also for rocking it harder than I ever could.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby HarpingCarp » Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:07 pm

*wakes up covered in spiders*

What the- BAILIFF! *sees Ashley the new Bailiff*
I like it. Old Bailiff, you're fired.

GODAMMIT NOSTRAA. TAKE your paws off of me, before I place you in contempt!

Now, Nisi, where were we? *sees the stenographer passed out*
How long was I out?

OK. COURT IS IN SESSION.

CASE#1836 Orange vs. Ashley

Charges: Theft, Spidery and General Badassery.

The honourable Judge HarpingCarpelton rules that Ashtherion is better sui- *gets hit by tranquilizer dart* AGAIN? This is getting ridiculoouuaaaasssshhh *drops to the ground*
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Kate threatened me to take it down. I need an adult.

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<Kateness> Carp
<Kateness> Change your damn sig.
<Kateness> Hate Week's over
<Kateness> I swear to God I'll start editing links to your indiscretion with a pirate, in everything.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby CarpingHarp » Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:14 pm

*takes gavel and wig*

The honourable Judge CarpingHarpelton rules that Astherion is better suited... IN PRISON. TAKE OFF MY BAILIFF'S CLOTHES. I'm placing a spider quarantine on the courtroom.

I hereby strip JamesT of his law degree/cereal box. Nostraa will be given a fair hearing, and is innocent until proven otherwise.
Australia WILL NOT disrespect the LAW or my authority.

And you, NISI! *slaps Nisi awake* Give me a swig will ya?

*takes swig*

Things are going to be different in these parts.

Case Closed.

NEXT!
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby OrangeEyebrows » Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:19 pm

Can I have my clothes back? Or at least use JamesT's cereal box to preserve my modesty?
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby bayonet » Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:55 pm

CarpingHarp wrote:*takes gavel and wig*

The honourable Judge CarpingHarpelton rules that Astherion is better suited... IN PRISON. TAKE OFF MY BAILIFF'S CLOTHES. I'm placing a spider quarantine on the courtroom.

I hereby strip JamesT of his law degree/cereal box. Nostraa will be given a fair hearing, and is innocent until proven otherwise.
Australia WILL NOT disrespect the LAW or my authority.

And you, NISI! *slaps Nisi awake* Give me a swig will ya?

*takes swig*

Things are going to be different in these parts.

Case Closed.

NEXT!


read all that in cartman's voice.... authoritayyyy!!!
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Winner of meta-description contest by poll.

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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Ashtherion » Fri Apr 26, 2013 8:04 pm

CarpingHarp wrote: The honourable Judge CarpingHarpelton rules that Astherion is better suited... IN PRISON. T


*Swipes judge wig, gavel and robes* OVERRULED, on the grounds that his Honour Judge CarpingHarpleton is no longer capable of ruling in an unbias manner, on account of having been abducted by my special spider forces Image
and placed under permanent house arrest Image

I, the Honourable Ashtherion Spiderton, hereby proclaim myself by the power invested in me by the citizens of the united comments section under arachnid-related duress, judge, jury and executioner of the TCS, until such a time I see fit to recuse myself. Long live Ashtherion! Long live the Emperor!

As the first order of business in the Ashtherion Imperial Administration, I am hereby charging Ms. Eyebrows with 9 counts of public indecency, 14 counts of inciting arousal, and 27 counts of confusing me by using big words like "dignity". Is that like, a unicorn?

Ms. Eyebrows, you are now hereby pronounced guilty and sentenced to prison. However, in light of your past contributions, the court has decided to abstain from such a heavy sentence, and are now sentenced to wearing prison overalls for 6 months, 2 months of probationary pants-wearing to be served out effective immediately, so long as you attempt to explain to his honour this "dignity" thing you speak of to his satisfaction and/or understanding.

*bangs gavel*

NEXT!
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Kate wrote: Every month our body is like, "Yeah, LET'S HAVE A FUCKING BABY! LET'S DO THIS THING!" and gets all ready. And then it's like: "So. You didn't put a baby here. You bitch. God. Why aren't we pregnant? This sucks. I'm gonna cut myself." Women are inherently emo.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby OrangeEyebrows » Fri Apr 26, 2013 8:12 pm

Oh, er..."dignity" is this obscure human concept. You probably don't need to worry about running across it on a board where one of the users is a man with a bottom for a face, we have a culture of sexually harassing Frenchmen and more than one user's hobby is "beards".

These probationary pants are comfy. Can I still be bailiff while I'm on probation?
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Fri Apr 26, 2013 9:23 pm

I am suing OrangeEyebrows for defamation of character and demand fifty salmons and a trash heap.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby OrangeEyebrows » Fri Apr 26, 2013 9:26 pm

I plead guilty, Your Honour. But I only have twenty salmons and a bin bag.

Um...I think I need a lawyer.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Nostraa » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:11 pm

I have decided that spiders are part of a complete breakfast! Join me my fellow non spiders and let us feast upon these tyrants! Viva la Revolution!
*tries to chew through web binding me down*
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby sunglasses » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:19 pm

OrangeEyebrows wrote:I plead guilty, Your Honour. But I only have twenty salmons and a bin bag.

Um...I think I need a lawyer.


I can be a lawyer. I have a bachelor's degree and that should be good enough, damn it.

Your spiderly honor, I have a cart full of crickets right here for no reason whatsoever, and am sure that I can convince you that Ms. Eyebrows never once defamed the JewBear's character. Any defamation that occurred was caused or said by Mr. Bear himself. He keeps threatening to maul my witnesses so I have no one to call to the stand in Ms. Eyebrows defense.
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Last edited by sunglasses on Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Australia » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:29 pm

I'll take the stand against my former lawyer.

*gets up on stand and starts drumming with two gavels I brought from home*

I'm getting paid for this testimony, right? Because I don't have any dirt or evidence and I'd like to be paid upfront.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby sunglasses » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:34 pm

What do you want? I have non naked pics of Bea Arthur in my wallet as well. Oh....nostraa took my wallet. Um, uh, you want a shoulder rub with a happy ending? I think that's the best I can offer at the moment. Or some of these crickets that are just chilling here, chirping and looking delish.
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Re: The Cracked Courthouse

Postby Matthew Notch » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:36 pm

NEW CASE

So I was all kinds of confused. I thought movie night was tonight. This is because in the original post about it, JamesT said it was on 4/26. Today is 4/26. So no, I'm not a complete tool for misunderstanding this.

I'm now suing JamesT and the entire TCS staff for misleading information and fraud.



Wait...
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