by IamNotCreepy » Mon Jan 15, 2018 11:17 pm
I think this particular case has to do with differing expectations: he was looking for some easy sex, a one-night stand, and she was looking for a relationship. He acted based on how he perceived the situation, of course now that has backfired.
As to the general situation, I think this might not be the audience for it: most of the girls here either don't have much sexual experience or are likely to seek it in a long-term relationship, not a one-night stand. That being said, here are my (not very qualified) thoughts on the matter:
My first reaction is, "Duh. Don't do things you don't want to do." Setting aside the societal and situational pressures (which are a whole other conversation), the main concern seems to be that women in that situation tend to fear that if they don't go along with it, the man will get violent.
This causes all sorts of thoughts and reactions to explode in my brain. Most guys wouldn't react violently, would they? What's the harm in declining and then moving on? What are the odds that the guy she is with is actually the violent type? I don't know, and that's where my background falls short to understand the situation -- I am the monogamous type who has only been with the one woman.
But I guess for these women the threat is enough to compel them to comply, even if they are not into it. And this brings on a whole other set of questions. Is it really that risky to decline? If she is going to feel violated either if she complies reluctantly or if he is forceful, is it worth the chance to try to decline first? Can she try to decline, and then comply if he seems forceful?
I don't know. I can only speak from my own experience, my own monogamous thought process. I hate that women have to be put in this position. And I don't know what the right answer is.
But I see both sides of these types of stories. I see where the woman can feel pressured, even violated, acting out of fear of a greater trauma. But I can also see the side of the men who go into a situation with a particular expectation and might, in the moment, miss the cues of what the woman is thinking because they think she would object like a man would in that particular situation.
/shrug