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Ask a German

Postby Piter Lauchy » Tue Jan 12, 2016 5:45 pm

I've seen a few "Ask a [person of a nationality]" threads here, but not this one. And since I like to feel important as much as the next person, ask away! =)
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Re: Ask a German

Postby Askias » Tue Jan 12, 2016 5:46 pm

How many WWII/Holocaust jokes do you get in an average internet conversation?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make sure my bike* is properly locked now we have Germans around.

* Dutch WWII German joke.
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Re: Ask a German

Postby sunglasses » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:03 pm

What type of chocolate is better? German or Dutch and why?
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Re: Ask a German

Postby cmsellers » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:04 pm

You're just bitter that the Germans invade the Netherlands to get to France, Askias.

Now for my question: Let's say that you're ... planning a trip. Do you ... visit ... Poland or France first, and why?
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Re: Ask a German

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:05 pm

So, what's with all the shit stuff?
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Re: Ask a German

Postby Piter Lauchy » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:17 pm

Askias wrote:How many WWII/Holocaust jokes do you get in an average internet conversation?

Surprisingly few. And if they're well done, I actually appreciate them.
I encounter "LOL GERMANS HAVE NO HUMOR" a lot more. When I don't laugh about that one, they see it as proof of their claim, although it's just "I've heard this joke literally hundreds of times by now" syndrome.
But again, if it's well done, I appreciate it (British panel shows are godlike when it comes to this (and everything else)).

Askias wrote:Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make sure my bike* is properly locked now we have Germans around.

* Dutch WWII German joke.

Huh, I've never heard this one. Thanks for sharing!

sunglasses wrote:What type of chocolate is better? German or Dutch and why?

I don't know. I'm not a huge chocolate guy and I don't think I've ever tasted Dutch one.

cmsellers wrote:Now for my question: Let's say that you're ... planning a trip. Do you ... visit ... Poland or France first, and why?

Probably Poland, because it's the one of those two where I haven't been yet. I won't be noticed, though, because I'll be fast as a blitz, probably overshooting, and freeze to death in Russia.
Plus, due to bad experiences with it in school, I really don't care for the French language.

Ericthebearjew wrote:So, what's with all the shit stuff?

I honestly don't know. This is something I only know of from second-hand sources (like Cracked), because I don't watch German porn. German dirty talk just makes me cringe all over the place.
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The Oatmeal wrote:Live life passionately and love everyone like they are family, because Jesus is always with you. Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He'd hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He'd windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee's knees. [...]
Praise Jesus, especially when it's sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.
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Re: Ask a German

Postby DashaBlade » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:20 pm

So, why did so many Germans move to Texas in the 19th century? Were things in Germany so terrible that moving to Texas was better?
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Re: Ask a German

Postby Windy » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:33 pm

What food do you eat in Germany?
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Re: Ask a German

Postby cmsellers » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:47 pm

Piter, regarding the Dutch/German chocolate thing, I think Sunny is making a joke. In America, it is very common to see things that are sold as "Dutch chocolate" and "German chocolate" flavored, even though these flavors have nothing to do with the Netherlands or Germany.

Rather, they are corruptions of "dutched cocoa" and "German's chocolate," which are respectively a process for making cocoa powder darker and less bitter at the expense of flavor (also, dutched cocoa powder will dissolve in water), and a brand of very heavily-sweetened, low-grade baking chocolate respectively.
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Re: Ask a German

Postby Anglerphobe » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:52 pm

Where are you in line for the British throne?
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Re: Ask a German

Postby cmsellers » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:54 pm

Anglerphobe wrote:Where are you in line for the British throne?

Not all Germans are in line for the British throne, Anglerphobe.

Some of them are Catholic.
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Re: Ask a German

Postby Piter Lauchy » Tue Jan 12, 2016 7:04 pm

DashaBlade wrote:So, why did so many Germans move to Texas in the 19th century? Were things in Germany so terrible that moving to Texas was better?

Uh, well I wasn't alive during that time and German history is not as vigorously taught here as US history is in the States. Or rather, German history in school consists pretty much exclusively of "Hitler was bad, mkay".
So... I don't know, sorry.

Windy wrote:What food do you eat in Germany?

Good old Hausmannskost (which my go-to translator translates as "plain fare" and Google as "home cooking") largely consists of potatoes in various forms, meat and all kinds of cabbage. Yes, Sauerkraut is also consumed, although not nearly as much as the stereotype would have you believe.
Germans have perfected the art of bread. My relatives who have been to the USA have told me that bread such as this doesn't exist there, which would make living there very hard for me.
Then there's Döner, which was brought here by Turkish immigrants and is a hugely popular fast food.
Due to globalization, the "modern" German eats a lot of stuff that the rest of the first world eats: Hamburgers, Pizza, Pasta, Sushi and so on.

cmsellers wrote:[Stuff about chocolate]

Oh, okay. Wasn't aware, thanks. :D

Anglerphobe wrote:Where are you in line for the British throne?

Since at least half of my ancestors aren't actually German, probably nowhere.
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The Oatmeal wrote:Live life passionately and love everyone like they are family, because Jesus is always with you. Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He'd hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He'd windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee's knees. [...]
Praise Jesus, especially when it's sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.
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Re: Ask a German

Postby sunglasses » Tue Jan 12, 2016 7:06 pm

You'd think I was joking sellers, but I'm not that brilliant.

I really just wanna know about chocolate from all over the fucking world.

I have a problem.
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Re: Ask a German

Postby Cordslash » Tue Jan 12, 2016 7:26 pm

On a slightly more serious note: the few times I've been to Germany I've encountered an incredible 'inclusiveness', for want of a better word.

Several people explained to me that because of your collective past it's a faux pas to openly criticize a minority in any way. This may be why some of the news channels exercised self-censure when reporting on what happened in Cologne on New Year's for instance. This came from young people too.

How wide spread is that kind of fear of being seen as intolerant, if it really is a thing at all?
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Re: Ask a German

Postby CarrieVS » Tue Jan 12, 2016 8:01 pm

Piter Lauchy wrote:
Anglerphobe wrote:Where are you in line for the British throne?

Since at least half of my ancestors aren't actually German, probably nowhere.


It doesn't matter how few German ancestors you have - the question is only whether any of them are Sophia of Hanover.
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