Haunted House IC

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Haunted House IC

Postby FaceTheCitizen » Tue May 21, 2013 7:51 pm

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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby ButtChocolate » Tue May 21, 2013 8:31 pm

Well hello there, sir. Wow, you're awfully friendly...! My name's Bert Shoclait. Uh, I got this invitation in the mail for a "party"...? Is... Is this the "demonstration party" for all the products in the kids' 6th Grade fundraiser catalog? The school said someone would contact us with a date and time, but I thought this kind of thing would take place at the school's auditorium...

Well, anyway, I brought the catalog and the demo bag with all the items in it you guys sent home with Boyd. Boyd's my son, by the way (it's pronounced with a silent D) in case you're wondering. He was awfully excited about all this! He wants to sell the most. Uh, he's asleep in the car, but this won't take too long, right? It's just that I left the engine running and the heat on full blast to keep him warm.

Also, uh, sorry about the mess on the bottom of my shoe- looks like I ruined your runner carpet. Oh man, you should have seen the size of the turd I stepped in! It was huge! Your dog must be some sort of monster, ha!
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby OrangeEyebrows » Tue May 21, 2013 8:43 pm

Orange peeps out of the attic window. It's grimy and strung across with cobwebs, but she can see two figures standing by the front gate. They're not much more than shadowy outlines, but what has she got to lose? She doesn't know where she is. Or, for that matter, who she is. She starts shrieking at the top of her lungs.
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby ButtChocolate » Tue May 21, 2013 8:51 pm

OrangeEyebrows wrote:She starts shrieking at the top of her lungs.


Oh! You have a bird, too...? Sounds hornery. You feedin' it enough?
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby LaoWai » Tue May 21, 2013 9:43 pm

A gentleman approaches, ducking low to get underneath the top of the gate with some difficulty. At first glance, onlookers may take him for a monster due to the bizarre proportions of his body. However, the well-used handkerchief dangling greenly and moistly from his lapel pocket makes it clear that this is, indeed, a gentleman. As he shuffles along the walk, he keeps up a steady rambling conversation, apparently with his crotch: "Very clever, going to a party in a house already filled with screaming...No one said you had to come along...Well, very easy for you to say, since you've got all the ambulation under your control...I wasn't the one who said a Peruvian doctor charged such economical rates that it was almost criminal not to take advantage of a 50% coupon...Shhh, people ahead...S'a'right? S'a'right."

"I say there, cheerio! Splendid evening, isn't it. And Mr. Johson, allow me to compliment you on your excellent taste in, ahem, furnishings. I see cobwebs are all the rage again."
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby Nostraa » Tue May 21, 2013 9:44 pm

"heheehee the wards won't get me. Nope, I'm too clever for them! Once I got this invitation I escaped right away. Oh boy, oh boy I can't wait for the party. This will be so much fun... so much fun."

Nos shakes the branch of a potted plant by the back gates.

"Well it was nice meeting you Sir. Daggart. Are you going to be at the party too? No... aww that's a shame. Such a shame. Well I'm sure they're all waiting for me. See you later!"

Nos hops the fence and sneaks into the grounds.
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby Australia » Tue May 21, 2013 9:50 pm

Hagrid McTortoisesalad sits at his computer, reading the latest Comment Section comments when an annoyingly high-pitched squawking pierces his ears. He looks out at the party house across the street. He knows he made the right decision in declining the invitation. He has always been a perceptive person. Still, the sound captures his attention and he drags his telescope to the window and peers into it. He wasn't much of an astronomer. In fact, he hadn't used the telescope since he broke his leg that summer and used the telescope to spy on his neighbours. He'd witnessed the murder in that exact house 50 years ago to the day. He'd always meant to contact the police or something but he had a busy life and these things slip your mind.

Hagrid angles the telescope to the doorway of the house to see the creepy owner and... does that man have an ass for a face? Ugh. He's seen too much already. Hagrid packs up the telescope and crawls into bed. Yeah, like he's going to sleep now.
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby LaChaise » Tue May 21, 2013 10:07 pm

"Ugh... How long have I been sleeping? I... I can't remember.
What am I doing here? What's my name? Wait... Is that my body on the floor? What the hell am I doing out there?"

"Oh. I'm dead, aren't I?"

"Well, I must have deserved it. And now that I'm immaterial, I can go wherever I want! Sooo, where's the closest ladies' room?"

Glad to finally have his dream come true, Paul hurries to the door. And miserably bumps his head on the door.

"Hmmm, looks like I can't go through doors yet. Bah, I should already be quite happy to live my death so well. Heheh. Let's get this door open!"

Paul goes to open the door. He tries to grab the chair barricading the entrance. Was he fleeing something? Oh well, it's not like he could be hurt in his current state.

"Hey, what the..."

As he grabs the chair, Paul feels his substance being absorbed. What's with that weird wood? Apathetic as always, he doesn't put up much of a fight. He's soon become one with the piece of furniture.

"Well, looks like I'm a chair now."

CRAP.
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"Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV?"

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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby Overlord Moo » Tue May 21, 2013 10:19 pm

A man in a white, button-up shirt and a blood-red tie approaches the door. His hair, some years ago, met middle-age on the field of battle and promptly beat a hasty retreat. His eyes have the 1000 yard stare of a man who has spent too much time alone, in need of companionship. He had absolutely no experience at human interaction, but boy could he cook. Well, cook books that is. For he was Chad from Accounting; accountant by day, notorious mobster by night. A rising star in the accounting world, Chad worked his way up to a senior position at a major accounting firm. As a Senior-Head-International-Trader at Huge-Exporting-and-Accounting-Debentures, he padded his bank account with money embezzled from the company. He was never caught, despite the police's best efforts. When the mob got wind of his unique skills, they quickly extended him a job "offer."

And so Chad now spent most of his days glued to a computer monitor, syphoning funds from major corporations and into the Don's pockets. When the invitation for a "par-tay" came in the mail, he jumped at the chance. And now here he was, staring at a large, ornate door in front of a large, ornate mansion. Taking a short, determined breath, Chad opened the door and walked inside.
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6:54 Bert: Moo is so cool he wishes he could be someone else just so he could better understand what it is like to live in a world with Overlord Moo in it
9:46:06 PM GG If Moo goes oh my I know it means bad
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby Phighter » Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Stepping out of a cheap car is a small Asian man with dark hair and glasses. He seems to be a younger man, keeping his head down and walking quickly. He passes into the old mansion and tries not to make eye contact, for he was Hu. Who was he? Yes. That's Who. See, that was Hu's dilemma, no, Hu's dilemma, right. After being born in a different country, the mysterious young man mostly kept to himself as he stayed among the guests, for simply stating his name would initiate a horrible gag that seemed to be more of a curse than a name.
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby NudgeNudge » Tue May 21, 2013 10:59 pm

Alfredo opened his eyes. What happened? He was now in a quite badly decorated room with dust all over the place and surrounded by strangers with the same astonished face that he had right then.

Then he knew. Moments before he was participating in the XII Annual Brazilian Folkoric Dances Contest. Elisa, his partner, had warned him:

Don't do "the move". You could kill the both of us

But that contest was the right place to put into practice the teachings of his master dancer, Joâo Da Souza, the man who discovered a move so wonderful it could break every law of physics. The particles near the body of those who tried it accelerated to such speeds that... anything could happen.

So he didn't listen to his partner's advice, and here he was. Suddenly, he remembered the mysterious man who handed him an invitation just before the contest started. He looked to the window and saw that the street in the sign outside was the same of the invitation.

"Well, I guess I travelled forward in time", he sighed and sat in a nearby chair, that inexplicably shouted in pain.
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby sunglasses » Tue May 21, 2013 11:40 pm

"Um, Hello, Mr. Johnson," the bespectacled Lynne murmured, "I got your invite for what it says is a party? I don't normally go to these because of the-" she hears Orange shrieking and jumps. She then stammers, horrified, "the noises. All the noises."
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby NisiOptimum » Tue May 21, 2013 11:53 pm

Nisi lounged casually against the doorframe, careful not to disrupt the line of his perfectly tailored Savile Row suit. He tapped his monogrammed silver cigarette case and pondered what he'd seen.

Lynne. He hadn't seen her since that fateful day 30 years ago. They'd been dropped into Nazi-occupied El Salvador with instructions to make contact with the remains of the Kuomintang in the north. But when they arrived...The Horror! The Horror! He'd never seen a septic tank so badly blocked! He'd had to go in single-handed, armed only with a plunger and his last few drops of hand-sanitizer. Sometimes, on warm nights, he still had the nightmares.

But Lynne had disappeared. Three days later the Chiquita Banana Company had blown the dam at Tegucigalpa and pushed the Aztecs back towards New Atlantis. And now here she was. What was her end game? But Nisi couldn't get bogged down in that old story. He had important business.

"Hey, uh, I couldn't help but notice your pipes rattling ominously there. Sounds like a calcium-buildup on the pipes. Want me to take a look? Competitive rates. The Agency: We're number 1 in the number 2 business!" Rates may vary according to location and horoscope.
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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby FaceTheCitizen » Wed May 22, 2013 12:29 am

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Re: Haunted House IC

Postby MeatPuppet » Wed May 22, 2013 12:50 am

"Feed me," his stomach rumbles, as the last bits of leftover pizza crumble.

All parties have cakes, don't they? And cake beats instant noodles any day, like an abusive drum stick on its spouse. But all Pete sees is dust and disappointment. Though, that guy did mention something about getting five million dollars.

Later. The fridge and cupboards need checking.
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