Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby mancityfooty » Sat Mar 14, 2015 12:44 am

Soren Bowie is the title guy.
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby AdricDePsycho » Sat Mar 14, 2015 8:34 pm

Jack O'Brien is DOB's insanely hot twin brother, and Soren is an even hotter clone of Jack. And David Wong doesn't exist, he's just Jack O'Brien's evil side. They have a whole Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde situation, and John Cheese became an alcoholic because he couldn't handle the stress of dealing with that. And once Cheese get drunk enough, he turns into Gladstone. Oh, and Wong ended up performing insanely illegal and immoral operations on Swaim, DOB, and Soren, and they became McKinney, Sargent, and ATB, respectively.
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby NathanLoiselle » Sat Mar 14, 2015 9:18 pm

But does Wong have a goatee? That's an important part of being evil.
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby AdricDePsycho » Sun Mar 15, 2015 12:30 am

He hired Prada to cover it up with his leftover skin. After all, the Devil wears Prada! Oh, and Ionnone and Brockaway are the same, too. All of the bad Cracked writers are evil versions of the good ones. Except for Evans, because he's actually an undercover superhero out to stop their evil deeds and save Cracked...BUTYADIDN'THEARITFROMME!!!
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby blehblah » Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:08 pm

BROWNRECLUSE wrote:Cocoa Puffs are really harvested spider egg sacs.

General Mills is systematically trying to eradicate my brethren under the guise of a breakfast cereal.

#blackhelicoptersmaggle


What does that make Corn Flakes?

*picks at a scab*
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby AdricDePsycho » Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:57 am

What about raisins?

*blows nose*
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby Delta Jim » Sat Mar 21, 2015 5:48 am

Paul isn't dead. But Ringo is. It's just that no one's noticed yet.
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby Edgar Cabrera » Sat Mar 21, 2015 2:13 pm

Delta Jim wrote:Paul isn't dead. But Ringo is. It's just that no one's noticed yet.

But isn't that obvious?!?!?!

Image
Can't you see? CAN'T YOU SEE?!?!?!
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby AdricDePsycho » Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:41 pm

No, Paul isn't dead...everyone else is. Ask Batman.
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby skooma » Mon Apr 06, 2015 1:05 am

Wong had a great avatar that was a picture of Prince, back when Cracked was funny. He also wrote a thing pimping his book that involves a lot of pictures of Prince (I'm too lazy to find it, but this is true).

Wong's avatar changed to a boring, hipster looking x-ray around the same time he was revealed to be an asshole, and Cracked stopped being funny.

At the same time, Prince videos have been unavailable on YouTube, except for a few shreds in collaboration with other musicians, which were pointed out by Cracked writers.

I just failed to find the excellent and very famous picture of Prince Wong used, while looking for unrelated reasons. There are now Prince videos he doesn't actually appear in.

Prince has tweeted about being oppressed.

Cracked drains celebrities for its own nefarious purposes, but isn't very good at it anymore. Very possibly Prince requires rescue.

I never paid as much attention to Cracked politics as some people here, but am an idiot about Prince, so I caught this.

My computer started acting up right when I realized this. Prince.org is subsequently unavailable.

Pay attention, sheeple!
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby iMURDAu » Mon May 25, 2015 2:02 am

I don't know if this fits the criteria set forth by the OP but what the hell is with the Sangrita Mountain Dew flavor? I don't like it very much. I think it tastes like some shit scraped out of the corner of a wino's cardboard box (no offense to TCS users who live in cardboard boxes, I meant a wine box but it could be interpreted as literal shit scraped out of a cardboard box that serves as a living space for someone who has succumbed to alcoholism) mixed with 7UP and aged in a metal drum. So why do I choose to drink it? I've got a cup full right now that my brain said would be good with the food I'm eating. My brain and taste buds disagree. There has to be an addictive substance (besides caffeine. ass.) in the stuff. I could be enjoying a whiskey and Coke right now but here I am consuming a soda that is supposed to taste like an alcoholic beverage.

Trace amounts of Quaaludes. No other explanation makes sense to me.
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby Krashlia » Mon May 25, 2015 5:57 am

Cherry Blossoms or Sakuras have manipulated and evolved Japanese Culture and Society as a means of reproduction and propagation.

The Japanese have gained a liking and fascination with the flowering trees after they captivated the inhabitants of the Japanese islands by influencing the culture and art. or rather, The Sakuras made themselves attractive to the Japanese in order for the Japanese to adopt them and as part of a reproductive scheme. As a result, the Sakura became so ubiquitous to Japanese culture, art, entertainment and society in general to the point that not even war and diplomacy was untouched. In the second Sino-Japanese War/Circum-pacific War/Second World War, when the Japanese conquered areas and territories, they colonized the areas with Cherry Blossoms to mark their captured territories and areas of control. When the Japanese sent diplomatic gifts, the gift of choice was the Sakura.

As you can see, this fascination with the Sakura, on part of the Japanese who spread the plant into every soil the culture touched, does not necessarily exist for the Japanese sakes but for the benefit of the Cherry Blossoms. Thus the Sakura has manipulated Japanese culture thoroughly and successfully, to the point that they are a cultural output, and Japanese culture has evolved to facilitate this process.
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby Cpt._Funkotron » Mon May 25, 2015 10:10 pm

Yellow apples are the testicles of satan. We all know it. No one wants to say anything about it because big Aplle doesn't want us to know about their free and inexhaustible supply of product, as everyone knows, satan's cajones are infinitely replicating at an exponential rate exceeding any value capable of being represented in three dimensional space. They get 100% profit on their putrid fuirt peddling, and the dark lord dips his claws into the very fabric of mankind.

It's only a matter of time.
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby AdricDePsycho » Fri Jun 19, 2015 2:41 am

Why is SpongeBob still on the air?

Because Nickelodeon needs it on to appease the Reptilians in our government that watch it. It can't be a coincidence that Barack Obama likes it!
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Re: Make-Your-Own: CRACKPOT CONSPIRACY

Postby Phighter » Tue Jun 23, 2015 8:17 pm

Bottled water sales are so high because they put a mind-controlling tasteless chemical in the water that makes you crave more. Why else do you think bottled water tastes so good? It's water, for crying out loud, it should all taste the same, but you and I both know bottled water tastes better than tap water.

Want even more proof? Think of someone you know who still insists on getting water out of the tap. They say they don't know why everyone prefers bottled water - it's because they have not been exposed to the chemical. Once they're exposes, they come around to it.

Why else would the supermarket put bottled water at the front? Your brain craves it, and by opening you up to spending the money on bottled water, something no one in past generations did, they know you'll be more open to spending money on other items in the store.

I've actually drank six bottles of the recently recalled bottled water in my area, and I have not gotten the E.coli they claim I would from drinking them. Nope. I think they recalled them because, somehow, they forgot to lace those bottles with the chemical.
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