Bad Stand-Up Corner

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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Thu Jan 10, 2019 12:22 am

Well, to be Frank, I’d have to change my name.
  • 6

Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby JamishT » Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:00 am

A local Catholic church was recognized by the Pope for it's charitable acts around the city and area, and was sent a relic from the Vatican's collection, the (purported) skull of an ancient saint. The relic was airmailed in a small wooden box, and sat in a place of honor in the church for years. A new associate priest was brought in, but no one knew that he was an irreverent prankster until one day when the senior priest discovered his car was running very roughly. The priest made it to his mechanic's shop, and asked him to take a quick look. The mechanic opened the hood and found the relic sitting on the engine, "Well, here's your problem, Father, you've got a flown head casket!"
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JamishT was a heck of a guy,
With a devilish twinkle in his eye.
With his hand-picked flowers,
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby iMURDAu » Fri Jan 11, 2019 8:05 pm

A man goes to a funeral and approaches the widow. He asks if he may say a word. The widow says of course.

The man stands up and says "plethora". The widow replied "Thanks. That means a lot".
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“This is going to become a bad meme,” Todd observed.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Aquila89 » Thu Jan 24, 2019 3:46 pm

It has been snowing recently, and I've seen a slogan insulting the Prime MInister written into the snow that had collected on the windshields of cars. I thought that's not very nice. What if I had a car and someone wrote a political message that I disagree with into the snow on the windshield? But then I thought, no big deal. I'd brush it off.

(That's not a good joke, but I actually came up with it.)
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As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
--Carl Jung
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby cmsellers » Fri Mar 01, 2019 5:36 am

Did you hear the one about the Nazi comedian?
He was hitlerious.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Pedgerow » Fri Mar 01, 2019 8:32 pm

So not
Spoiler: show
heilarious
then?

A priest is in town for a big conference of all the most pious and virtuous men of God. He checks into his hotel, but as the very holiest of all the priests, he has to check one thing with the receptionist first: "I assume that all the pornographic content on the TV is disabled?"

"No, you sick bastard!" the receptionist replies. "It's just the normal kind!"
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby cmsellers » Fri Mar 01, 2019 8:40 pm

I thought of that one almost immediately after posting it, but decided I was going to stick to my guns.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby JamishT » Sat Mar 02, 2019 12:05 am

cmsellers wrote:I thought of that one almost immediately after posting it, but decided I was going to stick to my guns.


Anne Frankly, I'm glad you did!
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Pedgerow » Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:20 pm

It's been a while since I made up a proper question-and-answer joke, but:

What happens to the Queen's rubbish?
It gets throne away.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby cmsellers » Sat Mar 16, 2019 12:23 am

What's David Wong's least favorite kind of vegetable?
Answer
Common taters.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Tue Mar 26, 2019 6:32 am

I've recently been telling people about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.


What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll.
  • 5

Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Fun With Mr. Fudge » Tue Mar 26, 2019 10:07 pm

This one might be NSFW

Spoiler: show
The legless clown couldn't stand having sex with his wife, so he had sex with a wheelchair instead.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Mon Apr 01, 2019 10:49 pm

What’s red and invisible?


No tomatoes.
  • 3

Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Krashlia » Tue Apr 02, 2019 3:46 am

jbobsully11 wrote:What’s red and invisible?


No tomatoes.


Tomatoes? TOMATOES???
Am I Red like a TOMATOE?

Image
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Pedgerow » Tue Apr 02, 2019 7:45 pm

What's green and square?

An orange in disguise.
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