Bad Stand-Up Corner

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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Australia » Tue May 14, 2013 4:46 am

Big.bird wrote:Q:What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A:No idea.


Q:What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A:Still no idea.


Q:What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no ears?
A:Whatever you like, it can't hear you.


I'd always heard the third one as:

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no dick?
Still no fucking idea.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby RA2 » Tue May 14, 2013 5:25 am

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Doctor.
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Check out my robot fighting series: http://www.youtube.com/user/ResettisReplicas
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby D-LOGAN » Tue May 14, 2013 12:23 pm

-Knock knock.

-Who's there?

-The police.

-The police who?

-.....sir your wife is dead.
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Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Typical Michael » Tue May 14, 2013 3:52 pm

This is actually worth reading all the way to the end. Its 40 pages in Word.

http://longestjokeintheworld.com/
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Nullbert » Tue May 14, 2013 6:26 pm

Today I met a foot fetishist.

We got off on the wrong foot.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby HarpingCarp » Tue May 14, 2013 9:35 pm

One day, a Mushroom walked into a bar. He saw this gorgeous redhead sitting by herself, quietly sipping a glass of whisky. He knew he was infatuated. He didn't know whether it'd be worth all the effort to walk up to her, just to be shot down. Regardless, being the daredevil he reckoned he was, he downed a shot, gathered his courage and walked up to her.

He reached there only to wait awkwardly until she looked up and said "I'm not going to go out with you."

Crestfallen, the Mushroom said "Why not, Lady? I'm a Fungi."
  • 13

Kate threatened me to take it down. I need an adult.

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<Kateness> I swear to God I'll start editing links to your indiscretion with a pirate, in everything.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby D-LOGAN » Wed May 15, 2013 12:07 am

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One, assuming he is aware of how to preform the task and is physically able to do so.
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Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby LaoWai » Wed May 15, 2013 12:25 pm

Wai: A pony goes into a pharmacy and asks for help finding medicine. "Let me guess," the pharmacist smirks, "You're a little hoarse?"

"No," the pony answers, "I've got the trots."
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It's always in the last place you look for it, unless you're the kind of person who keeps looking for it after you've found it.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Nullbert » Wed May 15, 2013 5:45 pm

My brother is the only member of our family that can't swim.

How could he sink that low.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby D-LOGAN » Wed May 15, 2013 11:01 pm

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says-
'Why the long face?'
The horse replies-
'My wife just left me. She's taking the kids.'
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Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Fri May 17, 2013 6:29 am

A baby seal walks into a club and gets mugged soon after. Ouch.

Diarrhea is hereditary; it runs in the pants.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Nullbert » Sat May 18, 2013 9:20 am

Boy walks up to his father and says "dad, what does procrastination mean?"

His father says "I'll tell you later".
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Phighter » Fri May 24, 2013 9:23 am

A one-armed man in Florida won a boxing tournament yesterday. In the final round, he won with a left-left-left combo.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Qinglong » Sat May 25, 2013 3:39 am

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?"

The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
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Man created logic and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Australia » Sat May 25, 2013 8:41 am

Typical Michael wrote:This is actually worth reading all the way to the end. Its 40 pages in Word.

http://longestjokeintheworld.com/


I want two hours of my life back.
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