Bad Stand-Up Corner

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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Phighter » Mon May 13, 2013 12:51 am

Hey guys, did you hear Magnesium and Oxygen were dating? OMg right?

Gold walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Au, come here!"
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Ganymede314 » Mon May 13, 2013 1:04 am

A neutron walks into a bar, orders a drink and asks the price of it. Bartender says "For you? No charge"
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"The Cosmos is all that is or was or ever will be. Our feeblest contemplations of the Cosmos stir us -- there is a tingling in the spine, a catch in the voice, a faint sensation, as if a distant memory, of falling from a height. We know we are approaching the greatest of mysteries."
-Carl Sagan
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby D-LOGAN » Mon May 13, 2013 1:49 am

A tachyon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve your kind, here!" The tachyon says, "You did tomorrow."
  • 15

Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Australia » Mon May 13, 2013 5:42 am

The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar at the same time. It was tense.
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YamI JamesT Eyebrows Edgar Logan Eric Michael Tess Sunny Notch Kate Jamish Lao Carp Moo FaceCitizen Aquila Nisi Qinglong Chaise Nullbert NotCIAagent JackRoad Delta MURDA Bert Czar Ambi JulyJack Adric Marcuse SilverMaple Nudge 52xMax Damiana Doma Pumpkin Toy Fry Andro Carrie Snarky Royal RLG Pikajew Windy skooma Kleiner Java Sellers Piter Gisarmbards Grimstone Recluse Esteban Syrup Krashlia Twistappel MacReady Funkotron mcfooty Pseudoman Creepy Kivutar nerd Ladki Jim Youghurt satan GL Angler
Scari
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Overlord Moo » Mon May 13, 2013 1:04 pm

Phighter wrote:Hey guys, did you hear Magnesium and Oxygen were dating? OMg right?

Gold walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Au, come here!"

You guys wanna hear another chemistry joke?

K.
  • 6

6:54 Bert: Moo is so cool he wishes he could be someone else just so he could better understand what it is like to live in a world with Overlord Moo in it
9:46:06 PM GG If Moo goes oh my I know it means bad
<Strant> wig+wonderbra+Strant=Deeno
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Typical Michael » Mon May 13, 2013 2:46 pm

Q: Anybody know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na
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"In fairness, I was the one who brought up the goats." - JamesT
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Nullbert » Mon May 13, 2013 5:32 pm

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. Just drop them in and they go right at it.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Ganymede314 » Mon May 13, 2013 7:53 pm

The Higgs Boson walks up to a church on a Sunday.
Priest:"I'm sorry, I can't allow you in here"
Higgs:"But you can't have mass without me!"
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"The Cosmos is all that is or was or ever will be. Our feeblest contemplations of the Cosmos stir us -- there is a tingling in the spine, a catch in the voice, a faint sensation, as if a distant memory, of falling from a height. We know we are approaching the greatest of mysteries."
-Carl Sagan
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Overlord Moo » Mon May 13, 2013 8:04 pm

Ganymede314 wrote:The Higgs Boson walks up to a church on a Sunday.
Priest:"I'm sorry, I can't allow you in here"
Higgs:"But you can't have mass without me!"

Brilliant!
  • 6

6:54 Bert: Moo is so cool he wishes he could be someone else just so he could better understand what it is like to live in a world with Overlord Moo in it
9:46:06 PM GG If Moo goes oh my I know it means bad
<Strant> wig+wonderbra+Strant=Deeno
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Qinglong » Mon May 13, 2013 9:32 pm

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
  • 11

Man created logic and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Psychosassic » Mon May 13, 2013 10:01 pm



I'm not even a little sorry
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Everything else courtesy of Psychosassic Enterprises and the cooperation of Viewers Like You.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Overlord Moo » Mon May 13, 2013 11:03 pm

So, if an astronaut wears a tux in space, does it then become a space suit?
  • 5

6:54 Bert: Moo is so cool he wishes he could be someone else just so he could better understand what it is like to live in a world with Overlord Moo in it
9:46:06 PM GG If Moo goes oh my I know it means bad
<Strant> wig+wonderbra+Strant=Deeno
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby D-LOGAN » Mon May 13, 2013 11:39 pm

A horse walks into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in this situation.
  • 16

Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby LaoWai » Tue May 14, 2013 1:52 am

Wai: I recently met a self-proclaimed hermeticist hairstylist. Intrigued, I asked just what that meant. He answered, "Well, we get a lot of people looking for dye jobs, and I have a simple principle: 'As above, so below'."
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It's always in the last place you look for it, unless you're the kind of person who keeps looking for it after you've found it.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Big.bird » Tue May 14, 2013 4:35 am

Q:What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A:No idea.


Q:What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A:Still no idea.


Q:What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no ears?
A:Whatever you like, it can't hear you.
  • 15

There once was a fellow, Big Bird
Whose comments were strange and absurd
Though he lived upside down
Like some New Zealand clown
He was totally our kind of nerd
This Limerick brought to you by the wonderful Orange, ah ah ah.
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