Bad Stand-Up Corner

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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Marcuse » Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:29 pm

What's Green and square?

Caroline Lucas!
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Thu Apr 04, 2019 5:12 am

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?


One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Krashlia » Thu Apr 04, 2019 8:21 pm

The first few words in the Second Amendment are, "A well regulated..."
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby cmsellers » Thu Apr 04, 2019 9:51 pm

Krashlia wrote:The first few words in the Second Amendment are, "A well regulated..."

A well, regulated, will produce better water than Flint.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Krashlia » Thu Apr 04, 2019 11:08 pm

cmsellers wrote:
Krashlia wrote:The first few words in the Second Amendment are, "A well regulated..."

A well, regulated, will produce better water than Flint.


[Laughs breathlessly, then settles down... is confused]
...Flint?
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Last edited by Krashlia on Fri Apr 05, 2019 3:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby SandTea » Fri Apr 05, 2019 2:27 am

Krashlia wrote:The first few words in the Second Amendment are, "A well regulated..."


Everybody here has the same look on their face as my dog. Confused and anxious, like, what are we all doing here? It's probably my fault she pissed on my pizza though. I yelled at her while she was standing on my pizza.

--------------


Navy guy says to Captain- What if he washes ashore one day?
Captain- Don't worry... He's been laden.

Oh, and "flint" is in reference to Flint, Michigan. They have a plumbing crisis thing going on for a while now.
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"Draw me not without reason; sheath me not without honor."
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Pedgerow » Fri Apr 05, 2019 8:09 pm

A strongly anti-Brexit Facebook friend of mine recently made a post delighting in the current political chaos (this actually happened; it's not really a joke set-up). Since everything is falling apart, Theresa May might resign, and Brexit is looking progressively more ethereal and unlikely, he made the following statement: "Goodbye, Brexit! Goodbye, Theresa May! Hello, Europeanness!"

I left a comment saying, "No, YOU'RE a peanness!"

It got literally zero Likes or anything, but I was really proud of it so I'm posting it here in case it just got missed somehow.

In case you hate it, here's a joke I didn't make up myself:
I have a transvestite friend who lives in the Greater Manchester area. He has a Wigan address.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby iMURDAu » Fri Apr 05, 2019 9:05 pm

Krashlia wrote:
cmsellers wrote:
Krashlia wrote:The first few words in the Second Amendment are, "A well regulated..."

A well, regulated, will produce better water than Flint.


[Laughs breathlessly, then settles down... is confused]
...Flint?


Read the entire Wikipedia entry. Sorry, there's no joke.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Fri Apr 05, 2019 9:39 pm

Pedgerow wrote:In case you hate it, here's a joke I didn't make up myself:
I have a transvestite friend who lives in the Greater Manchester area. He has a Wigan address.

And a repeat from last November?

Though I did chuckle at “peanness.”

EDIT:
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?


A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Sun May 26, 2019 8:53 pm

Man says to his boss “Can we talk? I have a problem.”

Boss says “Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!”

Man says “Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:49 pm

A bad project manager is someone who believes nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Krashlia » Sat Jun 15, 2019 8:31 pm

jbobsully11 wrote:A bad project manager is someone who believes nine women can deliver a baby in one month.


(Scoffs) He could've put babies in all of them and gotten a similarly good yeild from a miniscule investment.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Wed Jun 26, 2019 6:05 am

I gave my seat on the bus to a blind man. They fired me as a driver.

I have the world’s worst thesaurus. It’s terrible and terrible.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Fri Jul 26, 2019 8:41 pm

so a victorian lady of some social standing mentions to a friend
"I don't much care for these new fashions, it's so hard to breathe with them"
"Oh how dreadful," she replies, "Is it really?"
"Of corset is!"
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Mon Jan 20, 2020 12:15 am

What has 1000 legs but can’t walk?


500 pairs of pants.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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