Bad Stand-Up Corner

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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby cmsellers » Sat Feb 13, 2021 2:41 am

I just realized why Gary Johnson felt the need to to climb Mt. Everest.
Spoiler: show
It got him really high.


If I told this to an audience of normies, I'd ask "Why did the stoner climb Mt. Everest?"
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby JamishT » Sat Feb 13, 2021 3:44 am

Gary Johnson jokes are still a thing?

Spoiler: show
I thought we all forgot about him like Aleppo
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JamishT was a heck of a guy,
With a devilish twinkle in his eye.
With his hand-picked flowers,
And his feel-good powers,
He made all the girls blush and sigh.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Thu Apr 08, 2021 1:42 am

{!false}

It's funny because it's true.
-----

(That one is for computer people.)
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby NathanLoiselle » Thu Apr 08, 2021 3:40 pm

Welcome ladies and gentlemen. Just a quick note from the management. The chicken is foul. I repeat the chicken is fowl.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby cmsellers » Tue Apr 20, 2021 3:43 am

Bill Gates: Save the children.
Matt Gaetz: Fuck the children!
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Fri Apr 23, 2021 2:57 am

A colon can change the meaning of a sentence completely. For example:

“Susan ate her friend’s sandwich.”

“Susan ate her friend’s colon."

EDIT: I just found another one...

An apple a day is bullshit. Apples are dangerous. Just ask Eve, Snow White, Blackberry, or any pig at a luau.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Krashlia » Fri May 21, 2021 5:53 am

So, I was watching this show, and saw a joke. And it went like, "Hey, guys, hows a refrigerator like a gay guy?"
...(crickets)....
"Ha-ha, how are they like each other?"
(Crickets... Cough)...

"...You put your sausage inside."
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Krashlia » Thu May 27, 2021 6:04 am

jbobsully11 wrote:An apple a day is bullshit. Apples are dangerous. Just ask Eve, Snow White, Blackberry, or any pig at a luau.


You forgot any coastal Chinese person.
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby cmsellers » Wed Jun 16, 2021 1:19 am

What's a bear's pickup line?
Answer
"Hey baby, what's ursine?"
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Thu Jun 17, 2021 10:42 pm

My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate and burn them. I did that, and now I don't know what to do with the letters.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby cmsellers » Sat Jul 03, 2021 8:03 pm

What's a Romanov's favorite form of humor?
Answer
Czarcasm
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby cmsellers » Thu Jul 15, 2021 9:13 pm

Did y'all hear what happened when a pack of politicians was released on a herd of voters?
Spoiler: show
It was pandermonium
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby jbobsully11 » Wed Jul 28, 2021 2:05 am

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Caller: My wife's going into labor. I don't know what to do.
Operator: Is this her first born?
Caller: No, this is her husband.

EDIT: If being sexy is a crime, then I'm a law-abiding citizen.
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Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Pedgerow » Fri Sep 10, 2021 10:23 pm

I bought myself a hemp shirt. I will wear it with my zoot suit.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Zoot
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Re: Bad Stand-Up Corner

Postby Pedgerow » Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:45 am

Look! Out there in space! That nebula has a hump! It must be the Andromedary galaxy.
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