Big Al's Discount University

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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby Phighter » Sat Jul 06, 2013 7:35 pm

Finally, someone can teach me this without thinking I want them to break down and dance.

Can you please teach me how to Dougie?
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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby julyjack73 » Sat Jul 06, 2013 8:10 pm

Hello, I would like to learn how to kill and impersonate a university professor.
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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby NisiOptimum » Sat Jul 06, 2013 10:28 pm

Cullenmcpimpin wrote:I want a degree in Asskicking, with a minor in interpretive dance.


Hello! Big Al's cousin Professor Anders here. I'm taking a sabbatical from Cambridge to run the school while he recovers from his death. Now this is a very interesting degree, and one I'm sure will stand you in good stead later in life but of course in order to understand ass-kicking we must first examine the history of ass-kicking. This first began back in the 50s when due to a rather hilarious misunderstanding a burro named Ramon was elected King of Suriname. His first action was to order the Coast Guard to begin the invasion of the United States in order to recover the lost territories of Manhattan and North Wyoming. Despite the fact that the entire Suriname fleet consisted of one guy called Clarence in a rowboat they borrowed from Guyana they quickly won a crushing victory over the US navy, who were unprepared for Ramon's innovative carrot and more carrot approach. Things seemed hopeless until Les Paul worked out that donkeys were extremely sensitive to jangly guitar music and wailing. Assembling a crack team of Elvis, Carl Perkins, Johnny Cash and Jerry Lee Lewis he quickly drove back the invaders. Ramon's followers abandoned him after realizing that Suriname spoke Dutch. Hence the ass was kicked and the America was saved!

So...sorry where were we? Oh! Teaching you how to kick ass... Well unfortunately we're out of time so I'm afraid you'll just have to take the quiz:

FINAL EXAMINATION

1) Using the Duckworth-Lewis system what is the average ass a 200-pound man should kick per day?

2) Where on the ass should you actually be kicking?

3) Is ass-punching ever acceptable? Discuss using diagrams.
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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby Cullenmcpimpin » Sun Jul 07, 2013 6:35 pm

1. trick question. it depends on if he is 200 pounds of muscle, or a large 200 pound pussy.

2. You should give the crack a whack.

3.Ass punching is only ok in foreplay, and only if she's really really hot
only (00)€ if you can (00)(===
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OrangeEyebrows wrote:Our forum-mate Cullenmcpimpin
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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby NisiOptimum » Tue Jul 09, 2013 3:57 am

Sorry it's taken me a little while to get back to everyone. Things have been a little in flux at the University what with our founder's untimely death in the outback and his cousin's deportation for annoying a customs sniffer-dog. But we're back up and running!

Cullenmcpimpin wrote:1. trick question. it depends on if he is 200 pounds of muscle, or a large 200 pound pussy.

2. You should give the crack a whack.

3.Ass punching is only ok in foreplay, and only if she's really really hot
only (00)€ if you can (00)(===


Congratulations you pass! As soon as you pay the $2,000 passing fee we can process your diploma!

julyjack73 wrote:Hello, I would like to learn how to kill and impersonate a university professor.


As in all situations latex is your friend. I would advise using it and advanced secret service technology to create an extremely lifelike mask of your professor. Then beat him to death with it and steal his glasses. Once you have glasses on no-one will be able to tell you aren't him.

Phighter wrote:Finally, someone can teach me this without thinking I want them to break down and dance.
Can you please teach me how to Dougie?


*Breaks down emotionally and dances*
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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby BobTheZombie » Wed Jul 10, 2013 1:36 am

I want a degree in dramatic writing and telekinesis, so I can move people in every sense of the world. If that fails, I wouldn't mind if someone could knock me up a degree from Bovine University. Those shops just refuse to accept me without one!
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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby Tablo » Wed Jul 10, 2013 4:12 pm

I will like to get something in therapy i already have a degree from a hobo and i want to advance my studies so the government and patients can stop asking questions.Jeez i mean you can't do therapy without a bit of brainwashing and clown bashing.
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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby CarrieVS » Wed Jul 10, 2013 4:20 pm

Tablo wrote:I will like to get something in therapy i already have a degree from a hobo and i want to advance my studies so the government and patients can stop asking questions.Jeez i mean you can't do therapy without a bit of brainwashing and clown bashing.


Does this mean you'll be continuing to offer therapy? We thought you'd been arrested given up. Some of us have been waiting to be seen for ages and ages.
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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby malosaires » Thu Jul 11, 2013 10:46 am

I went to Dr. Tablo's office in need of a shovel. That was weeks ago, and I still don't have a shovel. I'd like to triple major in shovel location, therapist disposal, and ferret-based warfare. I'm not interested in the history of ferret on ferret violence, I need to know how they'll help me take Nova Scotia.
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I've got a tumblr where I write about stuff, some of which is also on this site. I've also got a few videos you might wanna check out.
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Re: Big Al's Discount University

Postby Tablo » Thu Jul 11, 2013 4:25 pm

CarrieVS wrote:
Tablo wrote:I will like to get something in therapy i already have a degree from a hobo and i want to advance my studies so the government and patients can stop asking questions.Jeez i mean you can't do therapy without a bit of brainwashing and clown bashing.


Does this mean you'll be continuing to offer therapy? We thought you'd been arrested given up. Some of us have been waiting to be seen for ages and ages.

Nope i shall be resuming my usual advices upon helping Cthulhu fix his mother issues,it's a long process and it will involve a lot of murder and sacrifice.
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OrangeEyebrows wrote:Tablo, the resident shrink
Will cure all your ills in a blink
(If you're weird or you're lazy:
If actually crazy
You're better off turning to drink)

My therapy thread
Nothing to see here keep moving ,you signature looking looker.
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