Awkward chat up lines

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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby Matthew Notch » Sat May 28, 2016 1:44 pm

I've got a thick, brown tube you might be interested in putting in your body.

*hand her a giant Tootsie Roll*

Now that that's done, will you tell your friend over there that Matthew Notch wants to boink?
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It's Dangerous to Go Alone


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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby Anglerphobe » Sat May 28, 2016 1:57 pm

Did I mention I'm a fencer?

I really know how to deal with women desperately trying to evade my thrusts.
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"Tusser, they tell me, when thou wert alive,
Thou, teaching thrift, thyselfe couldst never thrive.
So, like the whetstone, many men are wont
To sharpen others, when themselves are blunt."

Anyone who has any kind of opinion fucking disgusts me.
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby DoglovingJim » Sun Jul 31, 2016 7:03 am

This might be corny, but you make me fairly horny. Lets get it on.

Wait, lets make it a little better.
Bam... - Copy.png
Bam... - Copy.png (871.88 KiB) Viewed 9852 times
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Image

Edgar Cabrera wrote:HOLY SHIT GUYS, IT'S DOGLOVINGJIM!!! HE'S HERE!!!

skoobadive wrote:It's the legendary DoglovingJim! Ohboy, this must be the greatest day of my life!

Cracked.com wrote:Initially, his interest in animals was "primarily a sexual attraction," but as he grew older, he also "developed the emotional attraction." We guess we could call what Jim does ... dog-lovin'
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby cmsellers » Sat Aug 20, 2016 2:15 am

"If I were a carpenter, and you were a lady, would you let me nail you?"
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby Matthew Notch » Thu Nov 24, 2016 1:51 pm

Are you from Japan? Because I want to get in japanties.
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It's Dangerous to Go Alone


"I desperately want Jiggery Pokery now."-- Pikajew

"I do feel that if she happens to favour attractive, successful, intelligent men I will be at a disadvantage."--Anglerphobe

"I have a beautiful sphincter and Mexico is gonna pay for it."--Kate
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby JamishT » Fri Nov 25, 2016 7:36 am

Girl, you make me feel like a half cooked turkey, you're the baste!
  • 6

JamishT was a heck of a guy,
With a devilish twinkle in his eye.
With his hand-picked flowers,
And his feel-good powers,
He made all the girls blush and sigh.
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby mancityfooty » Fri Nov 25, 2016 10:06 pm

Thanksgiving? Fine.
If you'll be my turkey, I'll do the stuffing.
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby Bromo » Sat Nov 26, 2016 10:37 am

Are you a house? Because I want to come in your back door.
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"I spent a good 20 minutes searching for my glasses, when I realized I was seeing a bit too well.

Then I reached for my face and there were they." --Toy, 2016


The Pokémon master formerly known as Kevin Durant.
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby Piter Lauchy » Sat Nov 26, 2016 8:49 pm

Are you a hot chick? Because I'm blind.
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The Oatmeal wrote:Live life passionately and love everyone like they are family, because Jesus is always with you. Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He'd hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He'd windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee's knees. [...]
Praise Jesus, especially when it's sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby mancityfooty » Sat Nov 26, 2016 10:06 pm

I know of a motel nearby that only charges by the hour.
You wanna go waste 15 minutes of your life?
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby Malfeasinator » Tue Jan 10, 2017 12:46 pm

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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby Delta Jim » Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:28 am

Image
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby RatElemental » Fri Dec 08, 2017 8:45 am

"I wish I was your derivative, so I could lie tangent to your curves."
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You just started to
Read the Haiku that you have
Just finished reading
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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby Delta Jim » Tue Jan 16, 2018 6:49 am

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Re: Awkward chat up lines

Postby cmsellers » Tue Jan 16, 2018 7:19 am

"I have a gun in my pants and want you to take your clothes off."
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