TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Have fun. Win stuff. Do things.

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby ghijkmnop » Thu Dec 24, 2015 6:24 am

Redacted
  • 12

Last edited by ghijkmnop on Mon Mar 18, 2019 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Delete my account
ghijkmnop
Time Waster
Time Waster
 
Posts: 1962
Joined: Thu May 28, 2015 8:22 am
Show rep
Title: Prisoner of TCS

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby SilverMaple » Thu Dec 24, 2015 8:56 am

Mine is pretty much done, just need to put some finishing touches on. I'll get it in tomorrow for sure though. If you know what I mean. ;)

EDIT: By "tomorrow" I mean "later today". I need to stop posting after 1 AM, it never goes well.
  • 11

Bert wrote:The best part of my job is fistfighting an 8 year old every day.


//Friend come and go, like the wave in the ocean, but true ones stay like an octopus on our face.\\
User avatar
SilverMaple
Champion
Champion
 
Posts: 1491
Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2015 6:34 pm
Location: In da Lab
Show rep
Title: Nerd of a Feather

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby gregfrankenstein » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:20 am

Well, as is generally the tradition, I'm here to gloat share what I've received. Thank you Eeyore, you venerable fuck up. I giggled many a giggle.

Your Own Personal Satan.

My name is Eeyore, and I'm gonna tell you a story. It is one you've all heard before, but none from my point of view. Everyone is familiar with the name, and with his creation, but the story about the name behind the creature has never been told before. Until now.

Actually, now that I think about it, you've probably never heard about my master either, unless you are among those freaks of nature called Canadians, but you are still likely very aware of his name, or rather, his brother's name. At any rate, it's the same name...the family name, at least. And if that buffoon who looks like Harry Potter thinks that his master deserves his story to be told, then so do I, but I totally came with the idea on my own, and it has nothing to do with that other incident at all.

By now you probably know that I am talking about Master Greg Frankenstein. And if you didn't know before, you do now, as I just told you. This story took place not long ago, in a place not far away, but as weird as they come. This ghoulish, haunted place is called Canada, and is inhabited by moose, beavers and hockey fans. But as unbelievable and frightening as it might sound, all those things were not inventions of my master, but were in place already when he moved in after the unpleasant accident with his more famous brother, who shall not be named on this story, but whom you'll recognize already because I said they have the same family name, which is traditional among family units, despite there not being many traditional things about this particular family.

Anyway, Master Greg moved to a Maple forest, where he established his base of operations. His goal was to create the perfect creature. Unfortunately, I am not talking about myself here, for, unbelievable as it sounds, I already existed as well. But I'm of no importance to this story, other than to serve as the narrator to these events which definitely took place in that cold desolated place full of Canadians.

In a completely original bout of inspiration, the master decided that the best way to go aboot making life from nothing was to steal body parts from the nearby cemeteries, and that's where I, Eeyore, not really a hunchback, nor a depressed stuff donkey, but something in between, get into the picture. Like I said, that's not important, except that as my master's faithful servant I was in charge of all the grave-robbing, and as having a hunch and being made of plush do not provide much back support, I was never of any use for this task. So, really, it was all my fault that the experiment didn't go according to plan. Unless, of course, it is as the master had foreseen and it all goes well despite all the obstacles, in that case I merely acted as another tool in my master's toolbox, which is full of tools.

Trying to come as close to the list of ingredients my master requested, I wondered around the nearby villages and pillaged, plundered, stole, but mostly begged people around me for stuff they lad lying around. All of them happily complied, and even apologized for not doing enough to help me, before they resumed watching hockey on their picture boxes. So instead of flesh we ended up using poutine, in lieu of organs Tim Horton's donuts, and maple syrup flowed through this new body better than Aunt Jemima's, but not better than actual blood because we don't make miracles. Except for the Master, that is, he does miracles on occasion, like the time he created life using body parts which weren't actual body parts.

The hardest part of the work was done, but the following was even more difficult, because we needed to find the guy living in the North pole, which is technically also in Canada and don't you mind what those ruskies say, and replace that good for nothing good guy with our own personal Satan, who would use his powers to travel all around the globe in one night spreading evil. Or again, that was the plan anyway, except did I mention that Eeyore is dyslexic? So Eeyore, which is I, followed the Master's instructions to the letter, which is not very well because I literally misspelled Satan for Santa, and personal for secret (hey! they are very similar words in some languages I do not speak, alright? so don't blame me), and we ended up, that is, the Master Greg Frankenstein and I, we ended up (mostly me if you think it's bad, entirely my master's if you think it's good)initiating a tradition which still continues to this day, of the Secret Santa, where office mates who can't stand each other the rest of the year pretend to get along for a few days in hopes of trading some cheap ugly gifts for something less ugly but equally cheap, and regifting them season after season as a meaningless gesture of comradery and good spirits, or some bah-humbug like that. It is also said that if you are unlucky enough, you might even get some crappy, slightly thematic excuse for a short story instead. Those are the Secret Satan's Specialty (or triple S, for short), reserved only for people who got paired up with unimaginative partners, and mostly made up one day before the exchange of gifts and similar unpleasantness. If you are reading this right now instead of one of many awesome gifts other people no doubt are enjoying, all I got left to say is: sucks to be you, buddy!

Also, Merry Holidays and all that jazz.
  • 15

User avatar
gregfrankenstein
Back-End Admin
Back-End Admin
 
Posts: 902
Joined: Wed Apr 24, 2013 1:56 pm
Location: Canadaland
Show rep
Title: Heightener of Fives

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby JamishT » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:41 am

My Secret Santa was way more thoughtful than I was to my Secret...child? Recipient? You understand what I'm saying. Let's just say I had an incredibly stupid smile on my face the whole way through! Thank you, Secret Santa! I loved the artwork, too! SO GOOD!

The Slideshow
The music for the slideshow.

Transcript for those without Google Drive or the drive to open the link:
Spoiler: show
On the 1st day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
A beard worthy of envy!

On the 2nd day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
2 awesome puns, and a beard worthy of envy!

On the 3rd day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 4th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 5th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 6th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 7th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
7 Taylor Swift gifs, 6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 8th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 9th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
9 barns a-raising, 8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 10th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
10 Ninja Warriors, 9 barns a-raising, 8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 11th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
11 memes a-memeing, 10 Ninja Warriors,
9 barns a-raising, 8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 12th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
12 seasons of Survivor, 11 memes a-memeing, 10 Ninja Warriors,
9 barns a-raising, 8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envyyyyy!
  • 15

JamishT was a heck of a guy,
With a devilish twinkle in his eye.
With his hand-picked flowers,
And his feel-good powers,
He made all the girls blush and sigh.
User avatar
JamishT
TCS ModerBlobber
TCS ModerBlobber
 
Posts: 5475
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:31 pm
Location: KC, MO, AMERICA
Show rep
Title: The Wannabe Adult

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby SilverMaple » Fri Dec 25, 2015 8:34 am

I was lucky enough to get a Secret Santa who has some wicked talent with words! I love all the little jokes in it, like sprinkles on an already delicious shortbread (most likely shaped like this).

...great, now I want more cookies. Anyways, reading this turned what was otherwise a disappointing evening for me back around into something pretty darned cool - thank you tons! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go make a Kickstarter to get this filmed.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ga8Bd3WF5VIj4BpeE_fx3zoOS-C9uU5i_6hh3uLb5xg/edit
  • 14

Bert wrote:The best part of my job is fistfighting an 8 year old every day.


//Friend come and go, like the wave in the ocean, but true ones stay like an octopus on our face.\\
User avatar
SilverMaple
Champion
Champion
 
Posts: 1491
Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2015 6:34 pm
Location: In da Lab
Show rep
Title: Nerd of a Feather

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Cordslash » Fri Dec 25, 2015 9:49 am

Ok this is just hilarious: https://www.dropbox.com/s/er807ohwl39jw6t/SecretSanta.mp4?dl=0

Thank you so much Secret Santa!
  • 14

*The artist formerly known as CmdrVimes*


Hancock, John.
User avatar
Cordslash
Resident Dickhead
Resident Dickhead
 
Posts: 1340
Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:32 pm
Show rep
Title: Blackboard Monitor

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby 52xMax » Fri Dec 25, 2015 10:43 am

A naughty elf dropped this by my inbox:
A Nighttime Vigil


Tradition is just a way of getting other people to repeat your habits, Easter mused. That was the only reason the three of them would be out in the rain at this hour. Elf held a lantern, casting shadows over the slick grass, and Tooth Fairy struggled to read from a piece of old paper. The phrases were tradition too:

“When Shall We Three Meet Again?” Tooth Fairy began in his Bronx twang.

“Whenever You Stop Quoting Bloody Shakespeare” Elf rejoined in a high pitched voice.

“Oh, Come On” Easter interjected, as planned, “Why Don’t We Get This Over With.”

“You People Are No Fun At All” Tooth Fairy concluded.

They stood for a moment, over the unmarked grave. The rain lashed at them, pattering from their raincoats Elf had brought for the purpose, and Easter was extremely grateful for. Finally, Tooth Fairy looked up, and asked Elf if he wanted to say a few words. He nodded solemnly.

“Here lies Nicholas Claus, the founder of my Order. But he was was known better as Santa Claus, giver of gifts and bringer of joy to children. But we here know he was more than just that, he gave more than just presents to the good, but gave other gifts to the worst.”

Easter knew this already, but it was another thing to hear it spoken. Nicholas Claus had been an MI9 agent for decades before he’d adopted the Santa Claus persona, and decided he liked it a little too much. He’d gone rogue, giving presents to the people he deemed nice, and quietly ended people he thought naughty.

Elf was crying though, he’d been there the entire time. Easter had just inherited the role, and she never knew the man. She just wanted to focus on her work, but the vigil was something her predecessor had drilled into her over long years, so where else could she be? Suddenly Elf broke the silence.

“I’m sorry, for all these years I’ve been coming here, and I’ve never said that.”

Tooth Fairy turned to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright, you did what you had to do.”

Elf twisted away. “No, I did what I thought was right.”

“You did what needed to be done,” Tooth fairy insisted, “We all knew it.”

Elf looked at Tooth Fairy’s craggy face for a long time. Then he nodded slowly, but to Easter he seemed to be more hanging his head than assenting. He turned to Easter, seeming to notice her for the first time.

“Oh, Easter. Er. I didn’t mean for you to…” He began.

She didn’t know what to say. Elf stammered a bit more. Then Tooth Fairy lumbered up behind Elf, and steered him away. He knelt, placing a tot of brandy on the grave, and walked away.

“Don’t worry about him Easter.” Tooth Fairy said, glancing back at Elf. “It’s hard for him, doing what he does now.”

“Giving presents to children?” Easter asked, “That’s difficult?”

“You think he just does that? Well, maybe it’s best if we think that anyway. I still feel sorry for him.”

Easter was confused, but didn’t press further, the rain was getting worse, so she followed Tooth Fairy back to the car they’d arrived in. Elf was already inside, his green hood pulled down over his face. Nobody said anything as the car engine started.
  • 16

"When in doubt... well, don't ask me!"
User avatar
52xMax
Knight Writer
Knight Writer
 
Posts: 3056
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:38 pm
Location: In all the wrong places.
Show rep
Title: Salmon the Wise

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Australia » Fri Dec 25, 2015 3:01 pm

I don't want to be presumptuous but I'm almost positive I know who Cordslash's Santa is.

My Santa took my addictive aptitude for arson and turned it up to 11.
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/270 ... p%20To.pdf
The statute of limitations doesn't apply when you're just applying limitations to statues.
  • 13

YamI JamesT Eyebrows Edgar Logan Eric Michael Tess Sunny Notch Kate Jamish Lao Carp Moo FaceCitizen Aquila Nisi Qinglong Chaise Nullbert NotCIAagent JackRoad Delta MURDA Bert Czar Ambi JulyJack Adric Marcuse SilverMaple Nudge 52xMax Damiana Doma Pumpkin Toy Fry Andro Carrie Snarky Royal RLG Pikajew Windy skooma Kleiner Java Sellers Piter Gisarmbards Grimstone Recluse Esteban Syrup Krashlia Twistappel MacReady Funkotron mcfooty Pseudoman Creepy Kivutar nerd Ladki Jim Youghurt satan GL Angler
Scari
User avatar
Australia
Resident Dickhead
Resident Dickhead
 
Posts: 4213
Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Take a wild guess
Show rep
Title: Kentucky Fried Colonel

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Tesseracts » Fri Dec 25, 2015 3:52 pm

I got this adorable Gible drawing as a gift! I really want to know who drew this.

2ljamRk.jpg
2ljamRk.jpg (132.88 KiB) Viewed 3103 times
  • 17

User avatar
Tesseracts
Big Brother
Big Brother
 
Posts: 9646
Joined: Sat Apr 13, 2013 5:31 am
Show rep
Title: Social Media Expert

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby BROWNRECLUSE » Fri Dec 25, 2015 4:09 pm

My Secret Santa wrote a great spider-centric story for me!

BR's Secret Santa wrote:It started with a simple request from the EPA. Normally, the EPA wasn't in the business of activism as much as it was regulation, but this was a special case. How often do you get a chance to write to Santa? Once a year. That wasn't a very difficult question.

Mixed in among the piles of lists and crayon drawings was a crisp white letter with the official EPA letterhead, kindly requesting that Santa think of the environment and find an alternative for coal. "So, does this one go in the naughty or nice column?" Belinda, his secretary, looked more harried than ever; but then, she would. Christmas Eve was only two nights away and as always, they were behind in the shipping department.

"Well, it was very polite," Santa conceded. "And, environmental conscientiousness is always a good thing. But telling Santa how to run his business?"

"It is rather presumptuous." Belinda flicked a long, pointy ear towards the naughty pile. "So..."

"Well, I have been meaning to go green. And this would solve that one problem we have."

"We have niney-nine problems, sir."

"Yes, and a...oh dear. Ho ho ho, I almost had to put myself on the naughty list! Anyway, I mean the problem with the barn." The blood drained from Belinda's face.

"You mean...you can't possibly mean...couldn't we just use reindeer poop?"

"If we'd had more notice, maybe, but there isn't enough fiber in the world to get the kind of output we'd need for this year's naughty list. Yes, this will be the perfect solution." And so, ten very brave elves were dispatched to the barn to trap the hordes of spiders that had taken up in the rafters.

* * *

On Christmas morning, a particularly affable brown recluse cuddled up in the toe of a very passive-aggressive EPA employee's Christmas stocking. It was much nicer than the barn had been; it was warm here, and dark, and there were no reindeer prancing around with deathly reindeer emissions. All was peaceful and this seemed as good a home as any.

Suddenly, a greedy hand violated the sanctity of his new home. With a startled jump, the spider raced up the hand, desperately searching for a way out. A scream pierced the air and still the spider scrambled, leaping off of a particularly panicked human face and scurrying across the mantel. "DIE! DIE! DIE!" the human screamed, hurling things at him, but the spider had picked up a few tricks from spending its life up to that point in Santa Clause's barn. With a twinkle, it flew into the air, deftly dodging the projectiles that were coming its way.

"How rude!" He thought, making his way up the stairs. He scrambled under the bed and took refuge from the harsh light of day in a cloud of dust bunnies. Well, new roommates weren't easy for anyone, he guessed. Santa must have had a very good reason for them to become friends, though, so no matter how many nights of cuddling against this man's face it took, the spider was determined to prove how friendly he really was.

***

Nearly a year later, Santa was once more pouring through his last-minute letters. On the very top of the pile was a letter from the president of PETA, concerned about the treatment that the deadly spiders had received the year before. "I guess this year we're just going to have to go with the reindeer poop," he sighed.


He/she also left me some great resources to consult for improving my writing.

I'd love to know who it was so I can send them pics of my junk ransom notes written in the captives' blood a heartfelt thank you.
  • 15

Tesseracts wrote:In this age of falsehoods and lies, it's comforting to know some people are genuinely idiots.
User avatar
BROWNRECLUSE
Jedi Knight
Jedi Knight
 
Posts: 4142
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 8:55 pm
Location: Inside your ear canal
Show rep

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby ghijkmnop » Fri Dec 25, 2015 4:45 pm

Redacted
  • 16

Last edited by ghijkmnop on Mon Mar 18, 2019 3:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Delete my account
ghijkmnop
Time Waster
Time Waster
 
Posts: 1962
Joined: Thu May 28, 2015 8:22 am
Show rep
Title: Prisoner of TCS

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby BROWNRECLUSE » Fri Dec 25, 2015 4:47 pm

That BBQ chicken grilled cheese looks amazing.
  • 11

Tesseracts wrote:In this age of falsehoods and lies, it's comforting to know some people are genuinely idiots.
User avatar
BROWNRECLUSE
Jedi Knight
Jedi Knight
 
Posts: 4142
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 8:55 pm
Location: Inside your ear canal
Show rep

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Marcuse » Fri Dec 25, 2015 5:04 pm

I got this incredible drawing of Darth Sion. I'm pretty certain I know who did this one, and I can safely say that they're awesome. Thank you!

Image
  • 15

User avatar
Marcuse
TCS Sithlord
TCS Sithlord
 
Posts: 6584
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 8:00 pm
Show rep

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Revolving Royal » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:02 pm

I got this incredible unicorn picture. Fantastic and festive.
Image
Thank you and Merry Christmas!
  • 9

"We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out" -Ray Bradbury

I am not “full of hate” as if I were some passive container. I am a generator of hate, and my rage is a renewable resource, like sunshine. ~Internet Wiseman
User avatar
Revolving Royal
TCS Camper
TCS Camper
 
Posts: 972
Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 10:44 am
Location: Human World
Show rep
Title: Lurker

Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Tesseracts » Fri Dec 25, 2015 8:21 pm

Revolving Royal wrote:I got this incredible unicorn picture. Fantastic and festive.
Image
Thank you and Merry Christmas!

I can't see the image, I think you may need to save it and add it as an attachment.
  • 10

User avatar
Tesseracts
Big Brother
Big Brother
 
Posts: 9646
Joined: Sat Apr 13, 2013 5:31 am
Show rep
Title: Social Media Expert

PreviousNext

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest