TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby ghijkmnop » Thu Dec 24, 2015 6:24 am

Given how busy things had gotten, I wasn't sure I'd beat the deadline, but it's done.
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Without you, what would a poor boy do?
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby SilverMaple » Thu Dec 24, 2015 8:56 am

Mine is pretty much done, just need to put some finishing touches on. I'll get it in tomorrow for sure though. If you know what I mean. ;)

EDIT: By "tomorrow" I mean "later today". I need to stop posting after 1 AM, it never goes well.
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby gregfrankenstein » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:20 am

Well, as is generally the tradition, I'm here to gloat share what I've received. Thank you Eeyore, you venerable fuck up. I giggled many a giggle.

Your Own Personal Satan.

My name is Eeyore, and I'm gonna tell you a story. It is one you've all heard before, but none from my point of view. Everyone is familiar with the name, and with his creation, but the story about the name behind the creature has never been told before. Until now.

Actually, now that I think about it, you've probably never heard about my master either, unless you are among those freaks of nature called Canadians, but you are still likely very aware of his name, or rather, his brother's name. At any rate, it's the same name...the family name, at least. And if that buffoon who looks like Harry Potter thinks that his master deserves his story to be told, then so do I, but I totally came with the idea on my own, and it has nothing to do with that other incident at all.

By now you probably know that I am talking about Master Greg Frankenstein. And if you didn't know before, you do now, as I just told you. This story took place not long ago, in a place not far away, but as weird as they come. This ghoulish, haunted place is called Canada, and is inhabited by moose, beavers and hockey fans. But as unbelievable and frightening as it might sound, all those things were not inventions of my master, but were in place already when he moved in after the unpleasant accident with his more famous brother, who shall not be named on this story, but whom you'll recognize already because I said they have the same family name, which is traditional among family units, despite there not being many traditional things about this particular family.

Anyway, Master Greg moved to a Maple forest, where he established his base of operations. His goal was to create the perfect creature. Unfortunately, I am not talking about myself here, for, unbelievable as it sounds, I already existed as well. But I'm of no importance to this story, other than to serve as the narrator to these events which definitely took place in that cold desolated place full of Canadians.

In a completely original bout of inspiration, the master decided that the best way to go aboot making life from nothing was to steal body parts from the nearby cemeteries, and that's where I, Eeyore, not really a hunchback, nor a depressed stuff donkey, but something in between, get into the picture. Like I said, that's not important, except that as my master's faithful servant I was in charge of all the grave-robbing, and as having a hunch and being made of plush do not provide much back support, I was never of any use for this task. So, really, it was all my fault that the experiment didn't go according to plan. Unless, of course, it is as the master had foreseen and it all goes well despite all the obstacles, in that case I merely acted as another tool in my master's toolbox, which is full of tools.

Trying to come as close to the list of ingredients my master requested, I wondered around the nearby villages and pillaged, plundered, stole, but mostly begged people around me for stuff they lad lying around. All of them happily complied, and even apologized for not doing enough to help me, before they resumed watching hockey on their picture boxes. So instead of flesh we ended up using poutine, in lieu of organs Tim Horton's donuts, and maple syrup flowed through this new body better than Aunt Jemima's, but not better than actual blood because we don't make miracles. Except for the Master, that is, he does miracles on occasion, like the time he created life using body parts which weren't actual body parts.

The hardest part of the work was done, but the following was even more difficult, because we needed to find the guy living in the North pole, which is technically also in Canada and don't you mind what those ruskies say, and replace that good for nothing good guy with our own personal Satan, who would use his powers to travel all around the globe in one night spreading evil. Or again, that was the plan anyway, except did I mention that Eeyore is dyslexic? So Eeyore, which is I, followed the Master's instructions to the letter, which is not very well because I literally misspelled Satan for Santa, and personal for secret (hey! they are very similar words in some languages I do not speak, alright? so don't blame me), and we ended up, that is, the Master Greg Frankenstein and I, we ended up (mostly me if you think it's bad, entirely my master's if you think it's good)initiating a tradition which still continues to this day, of the Secret Santa, where office mates who can't stand each other the rest of the year pretend to get along for a few days in hopes of trading some cheap ugly gifts for something less ugly but equally cheap, and regifting them season after season as a meaningless gesture of comradery and good spirits, or some bah-humbug like that. It is also said that if you are unlucky enough, you might even get some crappy, slightly thematic excuse for a short story instead. Those are the Secret Satan's Specialty (or triple S, for short), reserved only for people who got paired up with unimaginative partners, and mostly made up one day before the exchange of gifts and similar unpleasantness. If you are reading this right now instead of one of many awesome gifts other people no doubt are enjoying, all I got left to say is: sucks to be you, buddy!

Also, Merry Holidays and all that jazz.
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby JamishT » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:41 am

My Secret Santa was way more thoughtful than I was to my Secret...child? Recipient? You understand what I'm saying. Let's just say I had an incredibly stupid smile on my face the whole way through! Thank you, Secret Santa! I loved the artwork, too! SO GOOD!

The Slideshow
The music for the slideshow.

Transcript for those without Google Drive or the drive to open the link:
Spoiler: show
On the 1st day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
A beard worthy of envy!

On the 2nd day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
2 awesome puns, and a beard worthy of envy!

On the 3rd day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 4th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 5th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 6th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 7th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
7 Taylor Swift gifs, 6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 8th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 9th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
9 barns a-raising, 8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 10th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
10 Ninja Warriors, 9 barns a-raising, 8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 11th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
11 memes a-memeing, 10 Ninja Warriors,
9 barns a-raising, 8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envy!

On the 12th day of Christmas, Jamish gave to me
12 seasons of Survivor, 11 memes a-memeing, 10 Ninja Warriors,
9 barns a-raising, 8 baseballers ballin', 7 Taylor Swift gifs,
6 buggies rollin', 5 pickup liiiiiines!
4 country songs, 3 bad jokes, 2 awesome puns
And a beard worthy of envyyyyy!
  • 15

JamishT was a heck of a guy,
With a devilish twinkle in his eye.
With his hand-picked flowers,
And his feel-good powers,
He made all the girls blush and sigh.
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby SilverMaple » Fri Dec 25, 2015 8:34 am

I was lucky enough to get a Secret Santa who has some wicked talent with words! I love all the little jokes in it, like sprinkles on an already delicious shortbread (most likely shaped like this).

...great, now I want more cookies. Anyways, reading this turned what was otherwise a disappointing evening for me back around into something pretty darned cool - thank you tons! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go make a Kickstarter to get this filmed.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ga8Bd3WF5VIj4BpeE_fx3zoOS-C9uU5i_6hh3uLb5xg/edit
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//Friend come and go, like the wave in the ocean, but true ones stay like an octopus on our face.\\
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Cordslash » Fri Dec 25, 2015 9:49 am

Ok this is just hilarious: https://www.dropbox.com/s/er807ohwl39jw6t/SecretSanta.mp4?dl=0

Thank you so much Secret Santa!
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*The artist formerly known as CmdrVimes*


Hancock, John.
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby 52xMax » Fri Dec 25, 2015 10:43 am

A naughty elf dropped this by my inbox:
A Nighttime Vigil


Tradition is just a way of getting other people to repeat your habits, Easter mused. That was the only reason the three of them would be out in the rain at this hour. Elf held a lantern, casting shadows over the slick grass, and Tooth Fairy struggled to read from a piece of old paper. The phrases were tradition too:

“When Shall We Three Meet Again?” Tooth Fairy began in his Bronx twang.

“Whenever You Stop Quoting Bloody Shakespeare” Elf rejoined in a high pitched voice.

“Oh, Come On” Easter interjected, as planned, “Why Don’t We Get This Over With.”

“You People Are No Fun At All” Tooth Fairy concluded.

They stood for a moment, over the unmarked grave. The rain lashed at them, pattering from their raincoats Elf had brought for the purpose, and Easter was extremely grateful for. Finally, Tooth Fairy looked up, and asked Elf if he wanted to say a few words. He nodded solemnly.

“Here lies Nicholas Claus, the founder of my Order. But he was was known better as Santa Claus, giver of gifts and bringer of joy to children. But we here know he was more than just that, he gave more than just presents to the good, but gave other gifts to the worst.”

Easter knew this already, but it was another thing to hear it spoken. Nicholas Claus had been an MI9 agent for decades before he’d adopted the Santa Claus persona, and decided he liked it a little too much. He’d gone rogue, giving presents to the people he deemed nice, and quietly ended people he thought naughty.

Elf was crying though, he’d been there the entire time. Easter had just inherited the role, and she never knew the man. She just wanted to focus on her work, but the vigil was something her predecessor had drilled into her over long years, so where else could she be? Suddenly Elf broke the silence.

“I’m sorry, for all these years I’ve been coming here, and I’ve never said that.”

Tooth Fairy turned to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright, you did what you had to do.”

Elf twisted away. “No, I did what I thought was right.”

“You did what needed to be done,” Tooth fairy insisted, “We all knew it.”

Elf looked at Tooth Fairy’s craggy face for a long time. Then he nodded slowly, but to Easter he seemed to be more hanging his head than assenting. He turned to Easter, seeming to notice her for the first time.

“Oh, Easter. Er. I didn’t mean for you to…” He began.

She didn’t know what to say. Elf stammered a bit more. Then Tooth Fairy lumbered up behind Elf, and steered him away. He knelt, placing a tot of brandy on the grave, and walked away.

“Don’t worry about him Easter.” Tooth Fairy said, glancing back at Elf. “It’s hard for him, doing what he does now.”

“Giving presents to children?” Easter asked, “That’s difficult?”

“You think he just does that? Well, maybe it’s best if we think that anyway. I still feel sorry for him.”

Easter was confused, but didn’t press further, the rain was getting worse, so she followed Tooth Fairy back to the car they’d arrived in. Elf was already inside, his green hood pulled down over his face. Nobody said anything as the car engine started.
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"When in doubt... well, don't ask me!"
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Australia » Fri Dec 25, 2015 3:01 pm

I don't want to be presumptuous but I'm almost positive I know who Cordslash's Santa is.

My Santa took my addictive aptitude for arson and turned it up to 11.
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/270 ... p%20To.pdf
The statute of limitations doesn't apply when you're just applying limitations to statues.
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Tesseracts » Fri Dec 25, 2015 3:52 pm

I got this adorable Gible drawing as a gift! I really want to know who drew this.

2ljamRk.jpg
2ljamRk.jpg (132.88 KiB) Viewed 1820 times
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby BROWNRECLUSE » Fri Dec 25, 2015 4:09 pm

My Secret Santa wrote a great spider-centric story for me!

BR's Secret Santa wrote:It started with a simple request from the EPA. Normally, the EPA wasn't in the business of activism as much as it was regulation, but this was a special case. How often do you get a chance to write to Santa? Once a year. That wasn't a very difficult question.

Mixed in among the piles of lists and crayon drawings was a crisp white letter with the official EPA letterhead, kindly requesting that Santa think of the environment and find an alternative for coal. "So, does this one go in the naughty or nice column?" Belinda, his secretary, looked more harried than ever; but then, she would. Christmas Eve was only two nights away and as always, they were behind in the shipping department.

"Well, it was very polite," Santa conceded. "And, environmental conscientiousness is always a good thing. But telling Santa how to run his business?"

"It is rather presumptuous." Belinda flicked a long, pointy ear towards the naughty pile. "So..."

"Well, I have been meaning to go green. And this would solve that one problem we have."

"We have niney-nine problems, sir."

"Yes, and a...oh dear. Ho ho ho, I almost had to put myself on the naughty list! Anyway, I mean the problem with the barn." The blood drained from Belinda's face.

"You mean...you can't possibly mean...couldn't we just use reindeer poop?"

"If we'd had more notice, maybe, but there isn't enough fiber in the world to get the kind of output we'd need for this year's naughty list. Yes, this will be the perfect solution." And so, ten very brave elves were dispatched to the barn to trap the hordes of spiders that had taken up in the rafters.

* * *

On Christmas morning, a particularly affable brown recluse cuddled up in the toe of a very passive-aggressive EPA employee's Christmas stocking. It was much nicer than the barn had been; it was warm here, and dark, and there were no reindeer prancing around with deathly reindeer emissions. All was peaceful and this seemed as good a home as any.

Suddenly, a greedy hand violated the sanctity of his new home. With a startled jump, the spider raced up the hand, desperately searching for a way out. A scream pierced the air and still the spider scrambled, leaping off of a particularly panicked human face and scurrying across the mantel. "DIE! DIE! DIE!" the human screamed, hurling things at him, but the spider had picked up a few tricks from spending its life up to that point in Santa Clause's barn. With a twinkle, it flew into the air, deftly dodging the projectiles that were coming its way.

"How rude!" He thought, making his way up the stairs. He scrambled under the bed and took refuge from the harsh light of day in a cloud of dust bunnies. Well, new roommates weren't easy for anyone, he guessed. Santa must have had a very good reason for them to become friends, though, so no matter how many nights of cuddling against this man's face it took, the spider was determined to prove how friendly he really was.

***

Nearly a year later, Santa was once more pouring through his last-minute letters. On the very top of the pile was a letter from the president of PETA, concerned about the treatment that the deadly spiders had received the year before. "I guess this year we're just going to have to go with the reindeer poop," he sighed.


He/she also left me some great resources to consult for improving my writing.

I'd love to know who it was so I can send them pics of my junk ransom notes written in the captives' blood a heartfelt thank you.
  • 15

Tesseracts wrote:In this age of falsehoods and lies, it's comforting to know some people are genuinely idiots.
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby ghijkmnop » Fri Dec 25, 2015 4:45 pm

I woke up to find this in my digital stocking. Thank you very much, Secret Santa.

Stuffed-Stocking
Nutella and Bacon Stuffed French Toast

Image

Yield: 4 servings

Ingredients

8 slices thick cut bacon
1 medium-sized loaf challah, sliced into 8 pieces about ¾-inch thick
4 heaping tablespoons Nutella
3 large eggs
½ cup half and half
½ cup whole milk
1 tablespoon dark brown sugar, packed
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Pinch of salt
2 tablespoons butter
Maple syrup for serving

Instructions

[*] Pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees.
[*]Line a rimmed baking sheet with aluminum foil and place a wire rack on top. Spray the rack with cooking spray and arrange the bacon in an even layer. Transfer the bacon to the oven and bake for 30 minutes until golden brown and crispy. Carefully remove bacon from the oven and transfer the strips to a paper towel lined plate to drain. When cool, crumble into small pieces and briefly set aside.
[*]Slice the challah into 8 pieces about ¾-inches thick.
Now it’s time to “stuff” your French toast, which essentially means making Nutella and bacon sandwiches. For each sandwich: Spread one side of two pieces of bread with a heaping teaspoon of Nutella. Sprinkle 2 pieces of crumbled bacon on one of the slices of bread. Sandwich the two pieces of bread together, making sure that they are well sealed.
In a shallow baking dish, whisk together the eggs, half and half, whole milk, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt. Set it on the counter next to the stove. Place a large pan over medium-low heat.
[*]Add two of the Bacon-Nutella sandwiches to the custard mixture and let soak for 1 minute. Use a spatula to flip the sandwiches over and soak for 1 more minute on the other side.
While the bread is soaking, add 1 tablespoon of butter to the pan. When it’s melted and foaming slightly, remove each sandwich from the custard, holding it over the baking dish for a few seconds to let any excess custard drip off. Place the sandwiches gently in the pan and cook for 3-4 minutes on each side until golden brown. (Keep a close eye on your French toast while it cooks, friends! Burning it is a bummer.)
[*]When the first batch of stuffed French toast is almost finished cooking, place the remaining two sandwiches in the custard to soak. Repeat the cooking process with the second batch.
Serve your Bacon and Nutella Stuffed French Toast warm. Top with powdered sugar or drizzle with maple syrup and brace yourself…

--

Chocolate Chip Cheesecake-Swirl Brownie Bites

Image

Yield: about 32 bites

Ingredients

½ cup plus 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1¼ cup granulated sugar
¾ cup plus 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
¼ teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 large eggs, cold
½ cup all-purpose flour
¾ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
For the Cheesecake Swirl:
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
¼ cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
1 large egg yolk

Instructions

[*]Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees. Spray a mini-muffin tin (or 2 tins, depending on the size) with cooking spray and set aside.
[*]Melt the butter in a small saucepan over medium heat.
[*]In a large mixing bowl, combine the granulated sugar, cocoa powder and salt. Add the warm melted butter to the dry ingredients, add the vanilla extract, and mix until well combined. Add the eggs one at a time, stirring vigorously after each one. (I know this is tiring for those of you with very little upper body strength, but you can do it!) When the batter looks thick and shiny, add the flour and mix until it’s well incorporated. Fold the chocolate chips into the brownie batter and briefly set aside.
[*]In a separate bowl, whisk together all of the ingredients for the cheesecake swirl.
Spoon about a tablespoon of brownie batter into the well sof the prepared mini-muffin tin(s). Add a dollop (about ½ tablespoon) of the cheesecake swirl batter to each well. Use a knife to swirl the cheesecake into the brownie batter.
[*]Transfer your brownie bites to the oven and bake for 15-20 minutes until the top is set and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. (I baked these at a very high altitude and they took about 20 minutes, but I recommend checking yours after 15 for safety’s sake.)
[*]Allow your brownie bites to cool completely before removing them from the muffin-tin. I’m impatient, so I just popped mine in the freezer for ten minutes and called it a day.

--

Barbecue Chicken Grilled Cheese

Image

Yield: 3 sandwiches

Ingredients

2 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon olive oil, divided
½ red onion, thinly sliced
1 cup shredded chicken breast (I used a store bought rotisserie chicken, but feel free to roast or poach your own chicken breast.)
1/3 cup barbecue sauce, plus extra for dipping
1 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 small avocado, sliced
3 tablespoons fresh cilantro leaves
6 slices bread of your choice (I strongly recommend whole wheat sourdough if you can get your hands on it.)
For Dipping: (optional)
Ranch Dressing
Barbecue Sauce
Instructions

[*]Heat 1 teaspoon olive oil in a small pan. When hot, add the thinly sliced red onions and sauté for about 5 minutes until soft. Remove from the heat and set aside.
In a small bowl, combine the shredded chicken breast and barbecue sauce. In a separate bowl, combine the mozzarella and cheddar cheeses.
[*]Now it’s time to assemble your grilled cheese. To assemble each sandwich: Brush one side of each piece of bread with olive oil (about 1 teaspoon per piece). Place the bread oil-side down on a cutting board. Top one piece of bread with 1/3 cup of cheese and 1/3 cup of barbecue chicken. Add 1/3 of the sliced avocado, and then add 1/3 of the onions and 1 tablespoon of cilantro leaves. Top with another 1/3 cup of cheese in an even layer and add the second piece of bread with the oiled side facing out (duh).
[*]Heat a large non-stick pan or skillet over medium heat. When hot add the sandwiches and cover with a lid. Cook for about 4 minutes until the underside is golden brown. Flip the sandwiches and cook for 3-4 minutes more.
[*]Remove your grilled cheese from the pan and serve immediately with extra barbecue sauce or ranch dressing for dipping.

--

Slutty Brownie Ice Cream Sandwiches

Image

Yield: 9 ice cream sandwiches

Ingredients

For the brownie layer:
10 tablespoons unsalted butter
1¼ cups white sugar
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 large eggs
½ cup all-purpose flour
For the cookie layer:
¼ cup (½ stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
¼ cup light brown sugar, lightly packed
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
½ teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 egg, at room temperature
½ cup all-purpose-flour
¼ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
For the ice cream layer:
1 quart cookies and cream ice cream (or ice cream of your choice), softened to spreadable consistency

Instructions

[*]Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees. Line two square 9x9 inch baking pans with parchment. (I like to overlap the parchment, so there’s ZERO chance of sticking.) If you only have 1 pan, don’t panic, you can cook your layers one at a time.
[*]Starting with the brownie layer! Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Once melted, remove from the heat and whisk in the white sugar and cocoa powder until dissolved. Add the salt, vanilla extract, and eggs, whisking continually until the eggs are well combined. Add the flour and mix until incorporated.
[*]Pour the brownie batter into one of the prepared pans and use a spatula to make sure that fills the pan in an even layer. Set aside while you prepare the cookie layer.
[*]Now it’s time to make that cookie dough. Place the butter, brown sugar and granulated sugar in a mixing bowl. Use a handmixer to cream the butter and sugars together until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. (You can also use an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, but for such a small quantity of dough, it may not be worth breaking out that bad boy.) Add the vanilla and the egg and mix well, scraping down the bowl regularly. In a small bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt. With the mixer on low, slowly add the flour mixture to the butter mixture. Fold in the chocolate chips with a rubber spatula.
[*]Place the cookie dough into the other prepared baking pan, and use a spatula to spread it into an even layer.
Transfer both the brownie and cookie layers to the oven. Remove the cookie layer after 13 minutes. Continue baking the brownie layer for another 10 minutes (23 minutes total).
[*]Let both the brownie and cookie layers cool COMPLETELY. Pop them in the freezer to speed up the process if you like.
[*]Now it's time to assemble the ice cream sandwiches. Remove the brownie layer from the parchment, flip it over, and return it to the parchment lined pan. (This is so the nice crackly side of the brownies will face outward.) Use a spatula to spread the softened ice cream in an even layer over the brownies.Carefully remove the cookie layer from its pan and place it on top of the ice cream. Cover with plastic wrap or tin foil and freeze for at least 4 hours.
[*]When ready to serve, run a clean, sharp knife under hot water and slice the "cake" into 9 3x3 inch sandwiches.

--

Spiced Turkey and Zucchini Meatballs with Basil Yogurt Sauce

Yield: 18 meatballs

Ingredients

1 pound lean ground turkey (I suggest 93% lean. You need that little bit of fat, you know?)
2 cups grated zucchini (about 1½ medium zucchini grated on the large holes of a box grater)
2 tablespoons finely chopped scallions (whites and light green parts only)
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tablespoons finely chopped cilantro leaves
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
¼ teaspoon ground cumin
1 pinch cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon chia seeds (preferably white chia seeds for aesthetic purposes)
For the Basil Yogurt Sauce:
2 tablespoons tahini
3 tablespoons warm water
1 6-ounce container non-fat Greek yogurt
10 fresh basil leaves
1 clove garlic
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
Kosher salt

Instructions

[*]Place all the ingredients for the meatballs in a medium mixing bowl. Mix with your hands until the ingredients are well combined. Refrigerate for 20 minutes to let the chia seeds work their gelling magic.
[*]Meanwhile, pre-heat the oven to 375 degrees. Line a rimmed baking sheet with foil. [*]Spray a rack with cooking spray and place it on top of the baking sheet.
[*]Gently roll the meat mixture into 18 balls, roughly 2-inches in diameter, and place the balls on the prepared rack. Bake for 22-23 minutes until lightly brown and cooked through. (Or until the balls register an internal temperature of 160 degrees.)
[*]While those balls are baking, get going on the yogurt sauce. In a small bowl, whisk together the tahini and warm water until smooth. Transfer the tahini mixture to the bowl of a food processor and add the yogurt, basil leaves, garlic, lemon juice, and a good pinch of kosher salt. Process until smooth, scraping down the sides of the bowl a few times if necessary. (Yes, you can do this in a blender if you don’t have a food processor.)
[*]Serve the meatballs warm with plenty of yogurt sauce.

--

Skillet Cornbread

Image

Yield: 12 servings

Ingredients

1 cup cornmeal
1 cup flour
2 tsp baking powder
½ tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
¼ cup plus 2 tbsp sugar
¼ tsp cayenne pepper (optional)
1 stick unsalted butter, melted and cooled to room temperature
2 eggs
1 cup 2% milk
1 14.5 oz can creamed corn

Instructions

[*]Pre-heat the oven to 400 degrees.
[*]Melt the butter in a small saucepan and set aside to cool.
[*]In a large mixing bowl, combine the cornmeal, flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, sugar, and cayenne pepper (if using). In a separate mixing bowl, lightly beat the eggs. Mix in the room temperature melted butter and milk.
[*]Pour the wet ingredients over the dry ingredients and mix until there are no dry spots in the batter. Stop! You really don’t want to over mix the batter.
[*]Gently fold in the creamed corn. Let the batter rest at room temperature for 20 minutes.
[*]Melt 1 tbsp butter in your skillet over medium-high heat. When the butter is melted and bubbling pour the cornbread batter into the skillet and allow it cook for one minute. (If you do not have a skillet, relax. You can go ahead and bake your cornbread in a greased 9-inch cake pan. Or whatever baking pan you happen to own, okay?)
[*]Carefully transfer the skillet to the oven and bake for 20 minutes until the top is golden brown.
[*]Allow your cornbread to cool for 10 minutes before slicing it into thick pieces. (I’m clearly fond of both the triangular and square slicing approach.) Dig in with child-like joy.

--
Roasted Strawberry Mojito

Image

Yield: 1 cocktail

Ingredients

¼ packed cup mint leaves, torn
1 ounce fresh lime juice
1.5 ounces roasted strawberry puree (recipe follows)
2 ounces light rum
2 strawberries, sliced
1.5 ounces club soda
For the Roasted Strawberry Puree:
1 pound strawberries, hulled and sliced
2 tablespoons pure cane sugar
For Garnish (optional):
Lime round
Sprig of fresh mint

Instructions

[*]Start by making your roasted strawberry puree. Pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees. Toss the strawberries with the sugar in a shallow baking dish, and roast for 25 minutes until the berries are soft, slightly darkened, and juicy. Cool for about 10 minutes, then transfer the berries and juices to a blender or food processor and puree until smooth. Strain the puree through a fine mesh strainer into a mason jar or airtight container. Refrigerate until completely chilled.
[*]Mojito time! Place the mint and lime juice in a glass of your choice. Muddle with a wooden spoon (or an actual cocktail muddler if you’re fancy enough to own one). Add the roasted strawberry puree and rum, and stir to combine. Add the sliced strawberries and plenty of ice. Top with club soda.
[*]Garnish with a lime round and a sprig of mint if you're feeling fancy.
  • 16

Erogenous zones, I love you.
Without you, what would a poor boy do?
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby BROWNRECLUSE » Fri Dec 25, 2015 4:47 pm

That BBQ chicken grilled cheese looks amazing.
  • 11

Tesseracts wrote:In this age of falsehoods and lies, it's comforting to know some people are genuinely idiots.
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Marcuse » Fri Dec 25, 2015 5:04 pm

I got this incredible drawing of Darth Sion. I'm pretty certain I know who did this one, and I can safely say that they're awesome. Thank you!

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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Revolving Royal » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:02 pm

I got this incredible unicorn picture. Fantastic and festive.
Image
Thank you and Merry Christmas!
  • 9

"We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out" -Ray Bradbury

I am not “full of hate” as if I were some passive container. I am a generator of hate, and my rage is a renewable resource, like sunshine. ~Internet Wiseman
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Re: TCS Secret Santa 2015. This year the Santa is YOU.

Postby Tesseracts » Fri Dec 25, 2015 8:21 pm

Revolving Royal wrote:I got this incredible unicorn picture. Fantastic and festive.
Image
Thank you and Merry Christmas!

I can't see the image, I think you may need to save it and add it as an attachment.
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