sunglasses wrote:Additionally, I'd like to add that I don't recommend leaving small children alone with Aviel. They may come back crying after being shown the odds that they were going to die horribly in the next 70 years.
A Combustible Lemon wrote:Death is an archaic concept for simpleminded commonfolk, not Victorian scientist whales.
The Story of JamesT and the Cardboard Kid
JamesT, who stole the T from Mr T after a wrestling match that levelled the Grand Canyon, was sitting in his cardboard throne in his cardboard castle. He was reading the latest copy of Homeless Weekly, well, I say reading, but he just liked the pictures of clouds and the crosswords.
Anyway, JamesT was sitting in his cardboard fortress when his sidekick, the Cardboard Kid burst in. JamesT looked up, his beard twitching angrily at the disturbance.
"Holy carp, JamesT, your archenemy has just escaped from Tcsesca Prison!" exclaimed the Cardboard Kid.
JamesT looked blankly at his sidekick.
"I said..." he began, but JamesT's beard slapped him into silence without even moving. It was famous for spitting in the face of the laws of reality.
"Is this true, Cardboard Kid, has Sears Tower escaped from prison?" asked JamesT.
"Uh, Sears Tower was never in prison..." began Cardboard Kid, but JamesT's sunglasses flashed menacingly and he fell silent. "I was talking about Stinky Steve."
"How dare you insult my friends," said JamesT threateningly. "I don't insult your friend with the one eye and the third nostril."
"That was my mom!" cried Cardboard Kid.
James T punched his sidekick away, glaring at the screens he'd painted onto the walls. One showed a kickass explosion with a T-rex riding a motorcycle over a crowd of Jesuses. He gasped in shock. It was true: this archenemy he'd never heard of was on the loose.
In seconds, somehow, JamesT, dressed in his finest vomit encrusted suit of cardboard was standing in front of a fat man who could only be Stinky Steve.
"JamesT, my archenemy," growled Stinky Steve. "This will be a battle for the ages."
JamesT's sunglasses glinted. His beard quivered. The universe exploded in a fit of awesomeness and then reformed. Stinky Steve began to run, but then JamesT's beard began to wrap around him.
And then Stinky Steve exploded. The Cardboard Kid came sprinting over just as Mayor Hasselhoff awarded JamesT with the key to the city.
And so, Theodore Roosevelt, Batman, Darth Vader, Jules from Pulp Fiction, Harry Potter, Indiana Jones, Slash, Soren Bowie, the Dragonborn, Homer Simpson, Gandalf, the Doctor, the Ghostbusters, Elvis Presley, John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger, some guy's lawyer and JamesT rode off into the sunset on a T-rex made of beer cans and LSD. And they did rock on into the night, whilst the Cardboard Kid sat outside with orders to clean up the mounds of T-rex dung that had accumulated over the hours.
Thus concludes the story of Christmas and as Hulk Hogan once told me: "Who the fuck are you?" More importantly though, this concludes the story of JamesT, bitches. And that's why you should never insult a hobo.
Merry Christmas.
What does Fox say?
" Fox"
Daily mail goes immigrants, buzzfeed goes gifs
cracked goes dicks, and yahoo commenters goes bigoted rant.
tumblr goes white knights, facebook goes like. Stormfront goes jews, and 4chan goes trollz.
Twitter goes tweet and deviant art goes furry, and reddit goes upvote
But there's one sound that no one knows...
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?
Islaaaaaam-Islaaaaaaam!
Democraaaaaaats-Democraaaaaaats!
Sociaaaaalisssst-Sociaaaaalisssst!
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?
Obaaaaaamaaaaaamaaaaaa!
Obaaaaaamaaaaaaamaaaaa!
Obaaaaaamaaaaamaaaaaaa!
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?
Waaaar-ooooon-chrrrissstmmmas!
Waaaar-ooooon-chrrrissstmmmas!
Waaaar-ooooon-chrrrissstmmmas!
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?
Newscasters going to your screen spewing biased news
Sometimes telling us news that are lies
Interviewing crackpots and victim blaming
But if you meet a friendly republican, will you communicate by caaaaaaan caaaaaaaan
How will you speak to that reeeeppppubbblllicccaaan? Reeeeppppubbblllicccaaan?
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?!
Feeeeemmmmmiiiinniiiisssssttttt!
Feeeeemmmmmiiiinniiiisssssttttt!
Feeeeemmmmmiiiinniiiisssssttttt!
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?
ObaaaaaaaammmmmaaaaCccccare!
ObaaaaaaaammmmmaaaaCccccare!
ObaaaaaaaammmmmaaaaCccccare!
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?
Meeeeeeeexxxxxxxiiiiccccaaannssss!
Meeeeeeeexxxxxxxiiiiccccaaannssss!
Meeeeeeeexxxxxxxiiiiccccaaannssss!
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?
Taaaaaakkkkkinnnngggooooourrrjooobbbs!
Taaaaaaakkkkkinnnnggooouurrwwwwoommmeen!
WHAT DOES FOX SAY?!
The secret of fox news, ancient mystery.
Somewhere deep in the Rupert empire, I know you're hiding.
What is your sound? Will we ever know?
Will always be a mystery what do you say?
You're my favourite to hate hiding in the woods.
What is your sound? (Sociaaaaalisssst-Sociaaaaalisssst!)
Will we ever know? (Sociaaaaalisssst-Sociaaaaalisssst!)
I want to, I want to, I want to know! (Sociaaaaalisssst-Sociaaaaalisssst!)
(Sociaaaaalisssst-Sociaaaaalisssst!)
Zevran wrote:Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speeds can kill.
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