cmsellers wrote:Cpt._Funkotron wrote:5. Prevent her from leaving.
But my understanding is that that's what he did at one point. Whenever she tried to move away he'd kiss her.
Also, another time, when he asked her as question he kissed her without waiting for the answer, which seems like it might be impeding her ability to consent or not.
I think one thing we can all agree on is that the article was terribly written. It's chock full of tangential and unnecessary details in the events surrounding what happened in the apartment, and the details of the actual events, what the reader actually cares about, are extremely vague as described. I suspect that the comment about being given white wine when she usually drinks red was an attempt to poison the well against the reader's perception of Ansari; nevermind that it was an upscale oyster bar and you're
supposed to have white wine with oysters, so that readers who have experienced male dates ordering their meals for them will project that familiar chauvinism onto him.
The way she described it was that every time she "moved away" he would kiss her. Now, "move away" can mean a lot of different things. It can mean she angled her face away, which is perfectly normal to do when making out with someone and isn't a clear sign of discomfort, especially to a drunk horny Aziz Ansari. It can mean that she inched away or walked backwards while the kissing was happening, which again, consenting adults are known to sometimes do while they're getting hot and heavy, taking the love train between rooms as it were, and again is not an obvious sign of distress to a drunk and horny Aziz Ansari. It could mean that she gave him a good shove and walked away, only for a drunk and horny Aziz Ansari to follow, grab her, and kiss her again, which WOULD qualify as sexual assault, and should have been more explicitly described as such. It could mean that she hurled herself out of the window only for a drunk and horny Aziz Ansari to swing down from a rope like Quasimodo to catch her mid-fall, to whisk her back up to his apartment where he continues to paw at her like someone who's never been so close to an actual woman before, which incidentally is the premise of my next screenplay.
Consenting to go on a date with Aziz Ansari is NOT consent to going to Aziz Ansari's apartment.
Consenting to go to Aziz Ansari's apartment is NOT consent to make out with Aziz Ansari.
Consenting to make out with Aziz Ansari is NOT consent to give Aziz Ansari a blowjob.
Consenting to give Aziz Ansari a blowjob is NOT consent to have penetrative sex with Aziz Ansari.
However,
Consenting to go on a date with Aziz Ansari IS consent to BE ON a date with Aziz Ansari, until you decide that you want to end it and then tell him so. Deciding that you don't want to be on a date with someone partway through, but then not making this known to them because you don't want to be rude or hurt their feelings, or you're generally afraid that men react violently when you end dates halfway through dinner, is uncomfortable, undesirable, but not the same thing as the other person FORCING you to be on the date.
Consenting to go to Aziz Ansari's apartment IS consent to BE AT Aziz Ansari's apartment, until you decide you want to leave, and then make that clear. It isn't kidnapping when you decide you'd rather not be at someone's house, but instead of leaving or telling them you want to leave, you just sit by the door and wait for them to pick up on the "non-verbal cue".
Consenting to make out with Aziz Ansari IS consent to BE making out with Aziz Ansari, until you decide you want to stop, and then make that known to them. There's a lot of moving around when making out on your feet, especially if there's a height disparity and alchohol involved. And even if you can tell someone is uncomfortable from their movements or their facial expression, you could often reasonably interpret that NOT as them wanting to stop altogether, but to start making out
differently, trying different approaches, positionings, or techniques. Discomfort can often read as awkwardness or jitters.
Consenting to give Aziz Ansari a blowjob IS consent to BE giving a Aziz Ansari a blowjob, until you simply stop doing it. If he were a head-pusher, that'd be assault. Persuading someone to give you a blowjob and then letting them is not assault.
The point is that subtle nonverbal cues are dogshit at communicating unless it's with a person you know well. If everything happened as described, I feel bad for her, and I respect Ansari less, but I do not consider him a perpetrator or her a victim of either Sexual Assault or Rape, as I understand her account.