She might have said something like "whoa, let's relax for a sec, let's chill" but then she also lets him make out with her, perform oral sex on her, and reciprocated oral sex on him all consensually.
So wait, she said "let's relax, let's chill" and he ignored it. And the onus there is on her because she allowed him to ignore it?
I didn't even notice this part the first time through, apparently she used her verbal cues much earlier in the evening than I realized.
I get how this can be mixed signals, but as much as she is capable of using her words,
so is he. It is a sleazy thing to ignore someone asking you to slow down.
But he kept asking, so I said, ‘Next time.’ And he goes, ‘Oh, you mean second date?’ and I go, ‘Oh, yeah, sure,’ and he goes, ‘Well, if I poured you another glass of wine now, would it count as our second date?’”
This is also super sleazy. And predatory. And is definitely pressure to have sex after she has expressed she doesn't want to do it now.
I wonder why someone dating a man who is a self-described feminist would be thrown off guard and unsure how to react when he starts heavily pressing her to have sex even when she has said she doesn't want it right now?
While the TV played in the background, he kissed her again, stuck his fingers down her throat again, and moved to undo her pants. She turned away. “I remember saying, ‘You guys are all the same, you guys are all the fucking same.’” Ansari asked her what she meant. When she turned to answer, he met her with more kisses.
Yes, chill up until this point had meant this. But keep in mind, this is after she very explicitly said no. And, frankly. The idea that because someone has harassed you they won't listen even after you say no undercuts the idea that we should give people the benefit of the doubt that they're receiving mixed signals.
It's not wrong to hope that when you explicitly say no, that will be respected. It's not wrong to have faith that not all men will keep pawing at you after you say you don't want it. Because not all men will. Because a lot of men will stop. Because many, and hopefully most, men would have stopped way back when she said she felt pressured, because that's the decent thing to do and men are not inherently indecent.
As much conversation as there is about how it infantalizes women to act like they have no agency in such a situation, how disrespectful is it to men to ignore that they can use their words too? That they also have a responsibility in a sexual situation to not act like animals and instead listen to their partners and make a positive effort to make sure they are comfortable?
This seems to be the first time she expresses any clear disinterest which appears to confuse him a little.
Where did he seem confused? The part where he asked her what she meant and then didn't let her answer? He doesn't seem to have been confused enough to actually listen to her before continuing his behavior.
He doesn't stop her from leaving, he calls her the car himself.
So he gets a medal for...not stopping her from leaving at the end after she's expressed several times that she doesn't want this and that she's upset by his behavior? Oh man. What a guy. He's a prince. That's how I hope my loved ones are treated. I always dreamed of having a date with someone who pressured me into sex I didn't want, even after I said no, and then didn't stop me from leaving when I finally realized he wasn't going to stop.
I don't really see how it matters that he didn't stop her at this point. By this point, he had disregarded an explicit verbal "no."
When you are getting mixed signals, you should clarify the signals before trying to have sex. Always. Aziz Ansari had a perfect opportunity to respond to that and make that clear, but he chose not to. Until his non-response, I was relatively neutral on how I felt about him, especially given that I don't know how accurate this account is. But he lost a lot of my respect.