Eating Things with Mr. Notch

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Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby Matthew Notch » Tue Mar 10, 2015 6:43 am

So, JT and Tess have an art thread, so I think it's high time I had one of my own. Of course I can't draw for spit, so this is a little different than theirs.

Basically, I have really thrown myself into cooking lately, which stands to reason since it's what I do for a living now. About every other day I'm inventing some new variation on a dish, and trying to make magic with a limited set of ingredients. I've contributed two items to a neighboring restaurant and have developed a new menu for my own place. Just the other night I was asked by a pair of latecoming customers to make them something special, and so gave them a pair of tapas that are definitely off menu but still delicious. I do that a lot, and I love it.

So I talk about it sometimes in the iRC, and when people aren't completely burned out on listening to me talk about it, they actually seem to enjoy it. So, I have decided to share some of what I've been doing lately here on the forum. To start, I'm going to show you my Yellow Thai Samosas.

It's sort of a stretch to call these samosas, since I make them out of phyllo dough and I use yellow Thai curry paste and coconut milk to season the potatoes that I fill them with, two very non-traditional ingredients. But yellow curry is one of my favorite things, and in particular because of the way the potatoes taste in it. Samosas are also one of my favorite things, and so it just made sense to combine the two. Not to mention, where I work we are primarily an upscale bar, so finger food sells really well, and furthermore there are very few places to buy even variations on samosas here in Wichita. I'm hoping these will really take off when they go on the new menu.

So first, here are all the ingredients for the pastries themselves:

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Pictured: Maggi seasoning, tri-color quinoa, Yukon Gold potatoes, one peeled carrot, one whole jalapeno, about seven basil leaves, a packet of yellow curry paste, a roll of phyllo dough, a can of coconut milk or cream, salt and white pepper


You may have noticed that that's a lot of ish. This is a pretty complicated recipe, and making them usually takes about an hour and a half since I'm often also divided into making tickets for regular business. I might try to make them at home someday and see how much faster it goes.

Peel and slice the Yukon Gold potatoes into disks, and cut the carrots into small disks as well. Coarsely chop the jalapeno. You can leave the seeds or take them out; I usually de-seed them but halfheartedly, if that makes sense. I use medium high heat to cook the vegetables. A good rule of thumb when cooking curry with coconut milk is, rather than use some other sort of fat to brown the meat and/or vegetables, just use the cream from the coconut milk as the cooking oil. Scoop it out of the top of the can, leaving the liquid behind. You'll add that later. Leave the jalapeno out for now.

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Since you don't know what cutting carrots looks like


I think I add about two teaspoons of salt and a few pinches of white pepper to season the potatoes. It's okay to overseason a bit, since we aren't using any butter or heavy cream to add flavor and texture. That's right, these samosas are going to be vegan friendly!

Once you get a decent Maillard reaction on the potatoes, add the curry paste and the rest of the liquid from the coconut milk. Keep moving the potatoes around very slowly to avoid too much sticking to the bottom of the pan, but let the liquid come to a rapid boil. We're basically making mashed potatoes, so you want those bad boys to be nice and soft. Also, side note: a lot of curry pastes that you can buy at the store might have shrimp paste or fish sauce, which obviously isn't too vegan friendly, so if that matters to you be sure to check the ingredients. For a substitute I use Maggi seasoning, which is sort of like a milder yet stronger soy sauce. Look, I don't pretend to understand all this stuff.

Add water periodically if the mixture gets tooooooo thick, but it is supposed to be pretty creamy by the time you're all done.

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When it looks like bat barf, that's when you know it's tastyyyyyyy


Once the potatoes give easily to pressure, finish reducing off most of the liquid, then remove from heat and scoop the potatoes and carrots into a mixing bowl. Mash them together, but don't worry if there are still some lumps here and there. What I'm trying to say is don't kill yourself over this. Now return the unwashed pan to low heat, add just a touch of oil, and cook the jalapenos and julienne basil leaves for a minute and a half, then mix into the potatoes. Add your starch here: I use tri-color quinoa because we have a quinoa salad in the store across the way so it's available. It has corn but no butter, so it too is vegan friendly. You just need about a cup, and it helps fill out the mixture and also to absorb any remaining liquid.

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It's a culinary double rainbow


Now working with phyllo dough can be a challenge because it dries out really quick like. What you have to do is, roll out the sheets onto a flat, dry surface (I cover the table with a piece of plastic wrap), and then immediately cover them with both plastic wrap AND a damp towel. Work with only as many sheets as you need at a time. I use three sheets to make the samosas. Lay them out onto a separate pan and spray them down with cooking spray, flip them over, and spray the other side down too. This keeps them moist (ugh) and also helps them get all goldy when you bake them. Now divide them into thirds.

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Pictured: moist (ugh) phyllo dough


Take about a spoonful of filling and put it in the top left corner of one of the rectangles, then fold the corner over into a triangle, fold that triangle down, and then fold it in half again so you have a little triangle shaped pie. This is also how you make spanakopita, if you ever want to make spanakopita. I've never made spanakopita myself, but if ever a spanakopita craving hits me at some point, I can make spanakopita effectively using this spanakopita construction technique. Spanakopita.

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Thiiiis is howwwww we dooooo iiiiiit


Repeat until all the filling or all the dough is used up. In the pack of sheets that I use, one roll makes about 18-21 samosas, with some filling leftover. Because the seam isn't closed super well and because the phyllo is so flaky, I just parbake the pastries rather than deep fry them, but you could probably fry them in a pan just as easily. If you do bake them, go at about 350°F (that's 176.67 C°if that matters at all to you) for about ten minutes. The trick is, you want them just under golden brown, unless you're planning to serve them right away. Otherwise, you can cover them with wrap and put them in the refrigerator for up to two days. When it does come time to make them, put them back in the oven at 350°F and bake for about 5 to 10 minutes. Honestly, they're pretty forgiving if you leave them in a bit long. Pretty.

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"Haha okay but seriously, don't put us back in there you stupid cock"


Now to make the sauce. Oh man, I could make a heck of a sauce if I could only use honey, but I caaaaaaaaaan't because danged vegans. Oh well, the sauce I eventually settled on is pretty legit anyway. Here's the stuff in it:

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Pictured: granulated sugar, cilantro, salt, sriracha, one whole jalapeno, 1/8th of a red onion, lime juice, pineapple juice, fresh mint, one whole cucumber, vegetable oil


Note that, once again, that's a big pile of stuff. Nobody said this was going to be easy.

Now then, mix about a half cup of pineapple juice and a half cup of lime juice, then add two long draws of sriracha. Put this into a blender or, even better, a food processor. (By the way, if you are looking for essential things for any kitchen and aren't sure where to start, for the love of tap dancing Buddha get a food processor. They're just so great.) Start that bad boy up, and then take a half cup of oil, and veeeerrrrrry slowly add it a few drops at a time. What you're doing here is a very rudimentary form of emulsion, which creates a thicker and creamier sauce because of the dispersion of the oil in the juices. If you add a bit of mustard it can help to stabilize your sauce, but I don't in this case because I don't want it to interfere with the flavor.

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These globs of fat remind me of my life :(


Keep the motor running! Now we're going to add the vegetables. Add a whole, intact jalapeno, and about an eighth of a red onion. As far as the cucumber, which is sort of the most important element of this sauce, what I do is this: cut the ends off, cut it in half lengthwise, then cut down the sides so you have two rectangular blocks of cucumber. Turn it on its side and cut out the seeds and pith from the middle, cutting most of it out. You can save the remainder to cut into little cucumber matchsticks, which we use to garnish our hummus, but you could use for any number of things. Just don't tell me what they are. Now add the guts of the cucumber to the processor.

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For Christ's sake, keep the motor running! At this point add about a tablespoon of salt and two tablespoons of sugar. You are adding these things because that's what makes people go, "Oh snap, this is good." Something about those white, powdery substances, eh? Then add in the herb. Herbs. Add those in. I use the very scholarly amount "handful" to judge how much cilantro and mint I add to the sauce. With the cilantro, using the stems isn't such a big deal, but pick the leaves on the mint because the stems are woodier. Wood.

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Hard work good and hard work fine but FIRST


Once you get a nice blend, take one more half cup of oil and add it slowly again. When you're all finished it's going to look like this mess:

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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm


Trust me, it's way better than it looks. Unless that looks pretty good to you. No, even then.

Serve the samosas hot with a chilled ramekin of sauce on the side. The contrasts in flavors are very challenging and complex, but for people who are into that kind of thing, they'll think they've just entered a higher plane of existence.

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Not one unsatisfied customer yet


Check out this article that Kate linked me to the other day. I think it explains why Indian food is so polarizing: there's so much going on in it that people either LOVE all the sensory input, or else they just don't know what to make of it all. You can learn a lot about a person based on how they receive Indian food. *glances knowingly in Avi's direction*

Anyway, I'm going to try and do this more often, with other dishes, unless you people tell me to shut up. And if you're wondering what the hell I mean by "you people", well. I'm talking about the Jews. *glances knowingly in Avi's direction*

Special thanks to my lovely wife for taking most of these pictures!

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Pictured: decidedly NOT my lovely wife


Hilarious cooking related catchphrase!
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby JamishT » Tue Mar 10, 2015 7:03 am

Fantastic piece, Notch!

Also, is that an electric range....in a restaurant? What is that madness?
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby sunglasses » Tue Mar 10, 2015 2:52 pm

I prefer tamarind chutney.

Sorry Notchikins.

Also, wood.
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby octoberpumpkin » Tue Mar 10, 2015 3:46 pm

This is a really cool thread, thanks for sharing!
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby Matthew Notch » Tue Mar 10, 2015 5:14 pm

sunglasses wrote:I prefer tamarind chutney.

Sorry Notchikins.

Also, wood.


You just THINK you do, at the moment. Tamarind has a long and proud history in Indian cooking for offering that sour note and looking like a piece of poop. I might could have used it instead of the lime and pineapple juice here, but part of the reason I didn't is because lime (specifically kaffir lime, but we take what we can get) is used liberally in Thai cooking. Trust me, this stuff is nummy.

JamishT wrote:Fantastic piece, Notch!

Also, is that an electric range....in a restaurant? What is that madness?


Well, yeah... it's a bar, y'see, so the kitchen is really sort of secondary, or at least it is to the people who buy the equipment for it. Nevertheless, I have learned to make do, and it's really not too bad. At worst it jacks up ticket times by a few minutes, and since the vast majority of customers are sitting down, drinking a bottle of wine and relaxing, they generally don't care if it takes just a little bit longer.
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby Learned Nand » Tue Mar 10, 2015 5:39 pm

Matthew Notch wrote:Anyway, I'm going to try and do this more often, with other dishes, unless you people tell me to shut up. And if you're wondering what the hell I mean by "you people", well. I'm talking about the Jews. *glances knowingly in Avi's direction*

On the contrary, I think you should make more of these, and maybe publish them on the media site. This was well written and interesting, despite covering a food that isn't steak.
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby Anglerphobe » Tue Mar 10, 2015 6:01 pm

I quite enjoyed this. I'm something of a "lapsed" foodie, I still take an interest but time doesn't allow me to cook as much I would like or to endlessly prattle on about it anymore. I worked as a chef as a teenager and still compulsively hoard any interesting recipes I happen upon in the vain hope of eventually trying them out.
I would definitely like to see more of these if you feel like making them.
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby RainyDays » Wed Mar 11, 2015 2:28 am

These look amazing. And the sauce -- pineapple juice, mint, and sriracha sound so gooooood.

I'm not a great cook, but this was well-written and fun to read and now I really, really want Indian food. Would definitely read more! And then want more food.
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Last edited by Dr. Ambiguous on Wed Mar 11, 2015 7:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby SilverMaple » Wed Mar 11, 2015 10:43 pm

Sweet baked tilapia, Notch, stop making me hungry damnit.

Indian food has always been a weakness of mine, and now you've gone and combined it with phyllo? I may actually have to attempt making these at some point, although they probably wouldn't turn out as well. I second Avi, Angler and Rainy in that I would love to see you do more of these!
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby iMURDAu » Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:59 pm

So Vegans won't eat honey but they're okay with sriracha? Its got a chicken on the bottle ffs!
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby Jack Road » Thu Mar 12, 2015 7:51 am

Wait, why can't vegans eat honey? Do they think bees would be doing something else if we didn't make them make honey? Eggs I can vaguely understand. Honey though?
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby Aquila89 » Thu Mar 12, 2015 8:54 am

Vegan food! Sweet! I love samosas.

Vegans don't eat eggs because chickens are slaughtered once they can't lay enough eggs. As for honey, it's debated. The argument is that bees make the honey for themselves, not for us. I eat honey myself. We have to draw the line somewhere, and we kill a huge number of insects with any form of food production.
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby Jack Road » Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:09 am

They are going to have a really hard time if they keep going down that logical rabbit trap trail. Everything does what it needs to do to survive for itself. Part of us surviving is taking advantage of what other organisms are doing to survive themselves. I think with bees we arguably have one of the most symbiotic relationships humans have with any other species. They continue to make honey as long as they have room and time. We give them more room, being careful not to use up their time. Then we take the surplus. In exchange we give them medication and protection.

But anyways. Tangent. Looks good Notch!
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Re: Eating Things with Mr. Notch

Postby DamianaRaven » Tue Sep 29, 2015 8:41 pm

*holds a lighter above her head* Play some Skynard!
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