Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby Dr. Ambiguous » Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:43 am

I have a few from my work, and I'm going to save the best 2 stories for last. The first one isn't quite an awkward moment, so much as it was just shy of me fucking up bad. For reference, I work at a movie theater. I was tearing tickets and chatting with one of my coworkers who was off. It was really slow that day, so we only had someone come in every 10 minutes or so. So I was standing there talking to my coworker about porn. We were talking about weird porn shit we'd seen, and were cracking jokes about it. This involved saying the word "dick" plenty of times. Next customer finally comes in and I say "Hi, good evening. I can talk your-" and I cut off because I was just about to say "I can take your dicket over here." I managed to catch myself in time and fumble over my words to the point that I wasn't able to offer a coherent sentence, though I was at least able to tear the tickets. Once they walk away I tell my coworker what almost happened. We of course laugh our asses off, and I half wish I did actually slip up and tell the guy that I could take his dicket. Oh well.

On a similar note to being in the wrong bathroom (not really an awkward moment, just semi-related to the above stories). I'm a short guy with long hair, and I wear it in a ponytail while at work. So I'm often mistaken from a girl from behind. I'm also usually clean shaven, so sometimes it happens from the front too. People often get all embarrassed about it, but I don't care at all. I've had a few times where I was washing my hands in the restroom and a guy asked "is this the women's room?" I had one time where a lady walked in, smiled at me, (I awkwardly smiled back), and then did a double take once she noticed the urinals. Again, she was embarrassed, but I don't personally care. If I'm in a public restroom, then I plan on using it and ignoring everyone else in there as much as possible, so it really don't make a difference to me if you're male or female.

These last two I've told some of you on IRC already, but they were awkward as fuck (though not my fuck up). I usually work the service desk at my theater, and one day while doing so this old lady who looked about 70 came in to redeem a free movie pass. My supervisor was standing there and rang her in for it, and I said "just for future reference those should be redeemed at the box office." (A pet peeve of mine is people coming into guest services to buy tickets instead of waiting in line at the box office like everyone else, so I always send them back out there). She gets all in a huff and says to her friend "I can't believe I'm being lectured by someone half my age!" Her friend replies "I think he's a lot less than half your age." "Oh hush, let me pretend."

Then she turns to me and says "For future reference Ambi, if you beg real nicely I'll give you the address to my dungeon." I just kinda go what the fuck to myself and hand her her tickets and tell her to enjoy her show. Cause what the fuck else do you say to that? She starts walking away, then turns around and points at me, while looking at me straight in the eyes and says "now kneel" and motions to the floor. Then she just walks off. My supervisor, the person tearing tickets, and I all turned to each other and went "what the fuck just happened? The fuck was that?"

This next one needs a little background before I get to the meat of the story. I was working box office awhile back and these two girls come in, and they're acting kind of weird. "Hi Ambi. It's been awhile Ambi. How are you Ambi?" So the first weird part is that they say my name constantly. Then they mention that they used to work there with me. I have a pretty good memory and I don't at all remember them, so I'm pretty sure they're just fucking with me, but I play along anyway. Then one of them says "this is my girlfriend, she really turns me on." I just say "I'm happy for you." I think they said some other weird things, but I don't remember.

Then about a week later they come in again when I'm tearing tickets and go through a similar routine. Then they both ask for a hug and go to hug me (individually). I think that's weird as fuck, but I also don't really give a fuck either, so I awkwardly hug each of them from the other side of the service desk.

Then a week or two later I was saying something to one of the concessionists on register and the more outgoing of the two walks up to buy something. She notices me, and visibly upset says "I'm having a really bad day, so I can't joke around with you like I normally do, plus I'm here with my other friend who is a lot tamer, and [something I didn't catch] we like to cut guy's dicks off. And don't you ever hit a girl, Ambi, not your wife, or girlfriend, or any girl, or I'll kill you. And don't ever cheat on a girl who I'll punch you in the face." I awkwardly reply that I hope the rest of her day gets better and walk back to the service desk as she begins to place her order. My friend was tearing tickets, and apparently as soon as she walked in she just started spilling her story (she's never meet my friend before, but she recognizes me). She was saying something about how "there's this guy I like, but he won't date me cause I smoke, except I don't really smoke, I only smoke a little, but I told him I didn't smoke at all, but he caught me smoking at work one time, and I work as a waiter, and all my friends are jealous that I make so much more money than them, cause I make $200 a day..." Something like that, I'm not sure exactly. Prior to this I thought she just liked fucking with the poor sods working in a customer service oriented job, but now I think she's just weird as fuck. So I don't know what the fuck is up with her now, and I'm wondering what kind of issues she could potentially have.

This happened less than a week after the old lady, so within the span of one week I had an old lady tell me to kneel and beg for the address to her sex dungeon, and a girl threaten to cut off my dick and kill me. Both of these were completely out of the blue.

I saw the crazy girl again about a week ago. I was working backbar (the person that makes all the popcorn, hot food, drinks, etc), and since it was slow I was helping the people on register by grabbing things for them. She walked up to get some food, recognized me, and I awkwardly said hello. She went into something about how her best friend moved to Arizona or something. Nothing weird happened that time, but I didn't really know how to act since the last time she said she'd kill me if I ever hit a girl.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby DoglovingJim » Fri Nov 20, 2015 1:51 pm

Ever done sit-ups with a group of people and accidentally strain too hard and fart? Only to have one bloke turn around, glare at you straight in the eyes and hesitantly ask "did you just fart?"

Yeah.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby Bert » Fri Nov 20, 2015 5:05 pm

I suppose I have a few more of these to go around. I might have told this one here already but if so not everyone has heard it yet.

So, a few years ago I worked at the front-desk of a gym. At the beginning as the new guy I covered a lot of weekends. This gym was in an office park without much residential stuff nearby so weekends were pretty dead. To relieve the boredom I would occasionally do a walk-through. One time while doing so in the men's locker room I noticed the light was off in the sauna. I turn it on to see two guys who took advantage of nobody else being there to engage in... uhm... a little mutual hand action. I think my only response at the time was "huh" and I turned around and walked out. When each of them came out I told them to hand in their membership cards and informed them their accounts would be canceled (lewd conduct is grounds for cancellation, because come on, locker rooms are awkward enough as is). They complied without argument, probably because they weren't planning on coming back again.

That's not the awkward part.

The awkward part was the next day when the wife of one of the guys came in with their daughter for swimming lessons and found out their account had been canceled, and instead of calling her husband for an explanation like I suggested, demanded one from me. I did let them in for the day and she was set up with her own account so they could continue coming back, but yeah. That wasn't a good day.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby cmsellers » Tue Nov 24, 2015 2:42 pm

So this didn't involve blushing, but I don't think I generally blush. Or if I do I don't know it.

But I can be awkward. In one recent example was talking to a group of German students at graduate orientation. I don't remember which German said what (I'm racist like that I guess), so I'll condense them all into one character for the sake of this story.

Sellers: "Where in Germany are you from?"
German: "Bavaria."
Sellers: "Oh, where in Bavaria?"
German: "You probably wouldn't have heard of it."
Sellers: "Try me."
German: "Nuremberg."
Sellers: "Well of course I've heard of Nuremberg, that's where the Nuremberg Trials took place."
*realization I've turned the conversation towards serious awkwardness.*
Sellers: "Though I guess at least the Nuremberg trials were a good thing, right; It's not like you're from Wannsee."
*more awkward silence*
Sellers: "I'm sorry, that was completely inappropriate."
German: "No."
*beat*
German: "It is we who should be apologizing."

I then started to tell them that there was no reason they should be apologizing for something that happened before they were born, remembered that that's the rallying cry of German Neo-Nazis, and caught myself part way through expressing a sentiment they're likely used to hearing from the sorts of people who say that the Holocaust didn't happen but it needs to happen again.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby Arkyle » Sun Nov 29, 2015 9:38 am

For a little brevity in this thread...

I present training sessions via webinar. I love it - there's no webcam, only a headset, powerpoint and I could be naked for all the attendees know. They only hear me together with the notes on their side. Anyway, my study has a door leading out onto a verandah. I'd kept this door open during my session for some fresh air as I had to close the door into the house as my kids were due home from school in the middle of my presentation. I'm in the middle of quite a complex example, so I'm looking at my screen to keep track of the numbers. Next thing I see a movement out of the corner of my eye. I look up, still talking to see this:
Image

sitting on a chair inside my study by the door (blue balls and all). I'll be honest I saw it more like this...

Image

Ehem. Let's just say I shrieked like a little girl. It suddenly dawns on me that I've got 40 people listening to me shrieking with no clue as to what just happened. "Excuse me please, I need to remove a monkey from my study", put mike on mute. /cue freak out.

I wasn't quite sure how to come back from that :P
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby Matthew Notch » Sun Nov 29, 2015 1:44 pm

aaaaaaaaaand sigged.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby mancityfooty » Sun Nov 29, 2015 4:37 pm

But yet, you leave this little gem unclaimed:
Arkyle wrote: I shrieked like a little girl.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby SandTea » Sun Nov 29, 2015 4:50 pm

He probably just wanted some free training. Can't blame the guy for wanting to move up the corporate ladder.



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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby FaceTheCitizen » Wed Jan 06, 2016 5:14 am

...
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby IamNotCreepy » Thu Jan 07, 2016 9:18 pm

Man, I've got several of these.

In high school during marching band practice, we were playing "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" (it was awesome -- there was a pit with electric guitar, bass, and violin).

I was stuck playing 2nd trumpet, which is, for the record, an extremely boring part. So... I decided to play a more interesting part during that section of the song.

The assistant band director stopped the run-through and started screaming from the top of the scaffolding, asking who that was. I wasn't willing to let someone else take the fall for me, so I owned up to it.

The assistant band director made me drop and start doing push-ups as he reamed me out in front of the whole 150+ member band.

"Do you think I wouldn't notice? I arranged this song myself! You thought I wouldn't hear? I've got ears made of Teflon!"

Everyone was like, "Huh? Teflon?"

It was extremely embarrassing at the time, but shortly after it became a running joke with the assistant director.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby Bert » Wed May 18, 2016 7:07 pm

Just remembered another one.

I used to work landscaping, and one of our jobs involved maintaining the yard for a large apartment complex in a suburban area. While I was walking around back picking up debris in preparation for mowing, I turned a corner to see a grown man squatting and taking a shit. Without thinking I said "Oh, sorry" and turned around quickly, as if I had accidentally walked into an occupied restroom at home or something. Walking back to the truck I got a roll of paper towels and tossed it around the corner along with my trash bag, figuring it was better than nothing. Eventually he came out, thanking me and apologizing, saying he had a long walk home and couldn't quite make it.

I said, unintentionally, "don't worry about it, shit happens."
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby DoglovingJim » Fri May 20, 2016 5:35 pm

Spoiler: show
So... I had some spicy beans and went to the gym. Naturally pretty soon I wanted to fart but I clenched that bastard tight, Nearly got through the whole session too.

And so it was the final exercise of the day.
Image
When holding the bar I lifted my legs up to the roof and slowly moved them back down until they were completely horizontal (holding your legs in that position is good for your solar plexus, so if some hooligan decides to punch you in the stomach then you could just laugh at him).

Anyway long story short, when I finally relaxed and let my legs down I also accidentally relaxed something else. Last time I bloody eat beans on the same day that I go to the gym.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby sunglasses » Fri May 20, 2016 6:25 pm

I could feel that I had food stuck on my filling. So, since I was alone in my office, I just used my finger to try to get the food loose. Then I noticed that something smelled...horrible. Like shit. The same finger I just used to try to get the food-smelled like shit.

No shit was on my finger. After scrubbing my hands, I tried to loosen the food again.

Once again the finger then smelled like shit.

And that's how i realized it was the stuck food that smelled. because I forgot to floss. It was rotting.


Never forget to floss. EVER.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby cmsellers » Tue Aug 09, 2016 10:38 pm

OK, this was a very near miss, but at my local library today I very nearly asked the librarian: "So is the science fiction in with the regular fiction or in its own ghetto." And yes, the patrons of the library displayed roughly the demographic makeup you'd expect at a library named after George Washington Carver, which would have made that very embarrassing indeed.
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Re: Awkward Offline: Tales of Real World Blushing

Postby Aquila89 » Tue Aug 09, 2016 11:57 pm

Well, I've recently missed a chance to be embarrassed in public. Which is weird, because I live in constant fear of that happening.

I was on holiday with my parents and they sent me to the local shop to buy some sunflower seeds. My father gave me his bank card, which has PayPass on it - a contactless payment system that allows you can pay without using PIN. But the cashier put the card into the wrong reader and asked me to enter the PIN. I said that I don't know it.

So I managed to look exactly like someone who stole the card. But the weird thing is that I didn't realize it, and the cashier didn't seem to care. She didn't ask me why don't I know the PIN of the card I'm using. She put the card into the right reader and I could pay without entering the PIN. Only when I arrived home did I realize what impression I must have given.
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