I have a few from my work, and I'm going to save the best 2 stories for last. The first one isn't quite an awkward moment, so much as it was just shy of me fucking up bad. For reference, I work at a movie theater. I was tearing tickets and chatting with one of my coworkers who was off. It was really slow that day, so we only had someone come in every 10 minutes or so. So I was standing there talking to my coworker about porn. We were talking about weird porn shit we'd seen, and were cracking jokes about it. This involved saying the word "dick" plenty of times. Next customer finally comes in and I say "Hi, good evening. I can talk your-" and I cut off because I was just about to say "I can take your dicket over here." I managed to catch myself in time and fumble over my words to the point that I wasn't able to offer a coherent sentence, though I was at least able to tear the tickets. Once they walk away I tell my coworker what almost happened. We of course laugh our asses off, and I half wish I did actually slip up and tell the guy that I could take his dicket. Oh well.
On a similar note to being in the wrong bathroom (not really an awkward moment, just semi-related to the above stories). I'm a short guy with long hair, and I wear it in a ponytail while at work. So I'm often mistaken from a girl from behind. I'm also usually clean shaven, so sometimes it happens from the front too. People often get all embarrassed about it, but I don't care at all. I've had a few times where I was washing my hands in the restroom and a guy asked "is this the women's room?" I had one time where a lady walked in, smiled at me, (I awkwardly smiled back), and then did a double take once she noticed the urinals. Again, she was embarrassed, but I don't personally care. If I'm in a public restroom, then I plan on using it and ignoring everyone else in there as much as possible, so it really don't make a difference to me if you're male or female.
These last two I've told some of you on IRC already, but they were awkward as fuck (though not my fuck up). I usually work the service desk at my theater, and one day while doing so this old lady who looked about 70 came in to redeem a free movie pass. My supervisor was standing there and rang her in for it, and I said "just for future reference those should be redeemed at the box office." (A pet peeve of mine is people coming into guest services to buy tickets instead of waiting in line at the box office like everyone else, so I always send them back out there). She gets all in a huff and says to her friend "I can't believe I'm being lectured by someone half my age!" Her friend replies "I think he's a lot less than half your age." "Oh hush, let me pretend."
Then she turns to me and says "For future reference Ambi, if you beg real nicely I'll give you the address to my dungeon." I just kinda go what the fuck to myself and hand her her tickets and tell her to enjoy her show. Cause what the fuck else do you say to that? She starts walking away, then turns around and points at me, while looking at me straight in the eyes and says "now kneel" and motions to the floor. Then she just walks off. My supervisor, the person tearing tickets, and I all turned to each other and went "what the fuck just happened? The fuck was that?"
This next one needs a little background before I get to the meat of the story. I was working box office awhile back and these two girls come in, and they're acting kind of weird. "Hi Ambi. It's been awhile Ambi. How are you Ambi?" So the first weird part is that they say my name constantly. Then they mention that they used to work there with me. I have a pretty good memory and I don't at all remember them, so I'm pretty sure they're just fucking with me, but I play along anyway. Then one of them says "this is my girlfriend, she really turns me on." I just say "I'm happy for you." I think they said some other weird things, but I don't remember.
Then about a week later they come in again when I'm tearing tickets and go through a similar routine. Then they both ask for a hug and go to hug me (individually). I think that's weird as fuck, but I also don't really give a fuck either, so I awkwardly hug each of them from the other side of the service desk.
Then a week or two later I was saying something to one of the concessionists on register and the more outgoing of the two walks up to buy something. She notices me, and visibly upset says "I'm having a really bad day, so I can't joke around with you like I normally do, plus I'm here with my other friend who is a lot tamer, and [something I didn't catch] we like to cut guy's dicks off. And don't you ever hit a girl, Ambi, not your wife, or girlfriend, or any girl, or I'll kill you. And don't ever cheat on a girl who I'll punch you in the face." I awkwardly reply that I hope the rest of her day gets better and walk back to the service desk as she begins to place her order. My friend was tearing tickets, and apparently as soon as she walked in she just started spilling her story (she's never meet my friend before, but she recognizes me). She was saying something about how "there's this guy I like, but he won't date me cause I smoke, except I don't really smoke, I only smoke a little, but I told him I didn't smoke at all, but he caught me smoking at work one time, and I work as a waiter, and all my friends are jealous that I make so much more money than them, cause I make $200 a day..." Something like that, I'm not sure exactly. Prior to this I thought she just liked fucking with the poor sods working in a customer service oriented job, but now I think she's just weird as fuck. So I don't know what the fuck is up with her now, and I'm wondering what kind of issues she could potentially have.
This happened less than a week after the old lady, so within the span of one week I had an old lady tell me to kneel and beg for the address to her sex dungeon, and a girl threaten to cut off my dick and kill me. Both of these were completely out of the blue.
I saw the crazy girl again about a week ago. I was working backbar (the person that makes all the popcorn, hot food, drinks, etc), and since it was slow I was helping the people on register by grabbing things for them. She walked up to get some food, recognized me, and I awkwardly said hello. She went into something about how her best friend moved to Arizona or something. Nothing weird happened that time, but I didn't really know how to act since the last time she said she'd kill me if I ever hit a girl.