by DamianaRaven » Wed Jul 10, 2013 6:09 pm
Could we please, in the name of all that is sweet and maternal, get together and DO something about the amount of piss I'm seeing on our public toilet seats? The other day, I was in a restroom that had FIVE stalls with copious splatters of piss in every one. The men's room had two, both of which were clean. Has gender savagery reversed itself entirely, I wonder?
It's the Hovercraft bitches doing this shit and we need to negotiate! If you are one of them, hear me out: I am quite fine with the idea that your hips and thighs are too pure and sacred to touch the same surfaces as mine have. Hover away, if you must! I even understand your biological engineering enough to cheerfully forgive the fact that you're gonna piss everywhere when you do this. Urine is, in fact, a sterile antiseptic brilliantly formulated to kill fecal bacteria, so... good job, I guess?
The part where I get pissed off (no pun intended) is where you just walk away from your biological spillage knowing that other women will be using those facilities before long. I don't hover, you see - our toilets aren't designed for that and I'm too short of limb to improvise. Just because I understand the chemical composition of urine and realize that I won't catch bubonic chlamydia in this fashion does NOT mean I'm willing to sit in a pond of your piss. I Goddamn sure should not be expected to clean up after you if you're old enough to use a toilet by yourself. The ingenious comprise here is: wipe that mess up, damn it! Another reason I don't hover is that when I invariably piss all over the place, I am morally obliged to wipe up and if your piss is also there, that's a matter of principle. I ain't wiping up ye piss, madam, and good luck with makin' me!
I believe you gals already know this is bullshit and here's why: Every time I'm in a high-traffic bathroom with lines of people, there's not a spilled drop to be seen. I don't think Moanin' Myrtle is doing this all by herself. That means you know, somewhere in your hypothetical little mind, that a crazy cunt like me might just come shootin' back out of that stall, screaming condemnations and demanding satisfaction. Doing something that you KNOW offends others - but only when you can get away with it - is selfish, asinine, cowardly and altogether uncivilized. Come on, hypothetical lady, is that the best kind of woman you can be?
I hope my non-hovering sisters will join me in putting a stop to this degeneracy, because I don't like the feeling it gives me toward womankind in general. In fact, if it continues unabated, I've got no qualms about joining the fellas in the men's room. They don't seem to mind - those startled and confused by my presence need only hear the (truthful) words, "s'a mess in there," to nod and resume the Gentleman's Code of Restroom Discretion. To all you men out there, I very much appreciate the gracious hospitality I've always been shown in this awkward situation. The sheer genius with which you seem to have solved this problem among yourselves should serve as a noble example to the "fairer" sex. Rock on!
Last edited by
DamianaRaven on Thu Jul 11, 2013 9:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies. (76th Rule of Acquisition)