What news would crash the internet as we know it?

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What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby HarpingCarp » Mon Jun 02, 2014 6:27 pm

It's simple, post a hypothetical news headline that would send the internet into a frenzied tizzy. I'll start:

Cat Pictures/Videos/Gifs are now officially banned from our servers, says mega internet Corporation Goofacesoftzontube+
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby Jack Road » Mon Jun 02, 2014 6:37 pm

Comcast to introduce micro-transaction subscription internet, where cost is based on site popularity.
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby Sybyll Adastra » Mon Jun 02, 2014 6:40 pm

Government proposes new bill to make the viewing, sharing, purchasing and downloading of pornographic materials online Class A misdemeanor.
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby sunglasses » Mon Jun 02, 2014 6:56 pm

Godzilla is real. Run.
Also, there are zombies. Are you running yet?
And now, pictures of cats are leaping from the computer and eating the denizens of the interwebs.
Seriously, why aren't you run-ARGH! OH GOD MY EYES. THIS CAT HAD FULLY FORMED VENOM SACS!
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby Delta Jim » Mon Jun 02, 2014 6:58 pm

World governments make Jar-Jar Binks international mascot of the internet.
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby Jack Road » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:06 pm

J.J. Abrams and Disney in dispute. Star Wars reins given back to Lucas. Lucas declares "I know what the fans want, less Force, more slapstick"
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby D-LOGAN » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:09 pm

God arrested for drink driving. Also apparently real.
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Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby WaitYAmIHere » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:24 pm

BREAKING NEWS: Sci-fi series, Firefly, to be uncancelled. "We are so sorry," says Fox Executive.
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby Jack Road » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:26 pm

Wait, that one is true. They are rebooting Firefly.
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby JamishT » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:26 pm

THE AMISH NATIONAL PARTY HAS SWEPT ALL ELECTIONS IN AMERICA
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby D-LOGAN » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:43 pm

Moon Stolen! Police hold suspect in custody.
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Not just yet, I'm still tender from before.
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby JamishT » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:47 pm

D-LOGAN wrote:Moon Stolen! Police hold suspect in custody.


It was Carmen San Diego, obviously.
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby Nullbert » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:53 pm

Wally/Waldo found!

All Youtube comments are now laws!

TCS declares war on Belgium!

INTERNET CRASHES!
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby WaitYAmIHere » Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:59 pm

Nullbert wrote:TCS declares war on Belgium!


Yes! Finally, I've been waiting for this since the day I joined! Now the source of the world's best waffles will be ours! OURS!
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Re: What news would crash the internet as we know it?

Postby Jack Road » Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:01 pm

Politicians admit to being total fuckwad Hitler idiots after reading the internet. "How did we not see this before?" said Senator Juan Guy "It is just so clear. Thank you internet."

Meanwhile, the small upstart forum The Comment Section announced today that they have developed the world's first sarcasm detector. "Like the emoticon, this device will totally change how we communicate as a species" said forum spokesperson, Tesseracts. "Also we have built a working model of a tesseract." Following this last statement, the sarcasm detector began to beep and whir.
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