1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
What Sellers said.
2. What should the national minimum wage be?
$10 an hour, non-flexible (meaning waitstaff and other tip-based service industry employees must not be allowed to have it shaved off by their employers to compensate for expected tips).
3. How many sick days should be given to employees?
Around 3-5 per month as a basic amount, with possible additions made depending on the sanitation of the job and how many people / vectors for infection the position requires you to interact with regularly.
4. How often should employees get raises?
Raises should be given for any work that is above the standard requirement, with the size of the raise determined based on how far above the baseline the work is.
5. How do you feel about guns?
I'm fine with owning them after background checks, and I'm totally down with fictional depictions of them in a cool way. I'm not fine with the culture of worship that's developed around them, which is a sexual fetish at this point (if it weren't, this question wouldn't be on this test). Pass the checks and own and use it responsibly, no problems from me.
6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
Personal discomfort, but again, if the owner proves themselves responsible in both actions and attitude, it's no big deal
7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
This is an impossible question to answer honestly because of the vast gulf between the snowflake-testing conservative definition of safe spaces, the extreme Jezebel-reading liberal definition, and the honest moderate definition. It's a term so diluted and co-opted that I no longer really have any opinion on it.
TL;DR: Stuff it up your urethra.
8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
If this test is in any way representative of the workplace, mandatory flannel button-up shirts, denim jeans, and bright red baseball caps.
9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
I would say to use your best "judgement" and take it on a case-by-case basis, but this is a "snowflake" hunt, so we're working with "broad" sweeping generalizations and "liberal" misuse of "quotation marks".
10. How do you feel about police?
Most of them are honest and trying to do good, but there's too little punishment for the ones who abuse their power or make fatal screw-ups, too much leniency for corruption in the leadership, and the system is fundamentally fucked from the ground up.
11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
1) Just to be clear, this test is insinuating that the snowflake thing to do would be to drop the client and report them legally, and that a real red-blooded American shouldn't care about that. Just so we're clear.
2) Drop the client and report them by whatever legal means are warranted by the level of misconduct.
3) Stuff it all the way up there, jackass.
12. When was the last time you cried and why?
At the end of the last episode of Inuyashiki: Last Hero, because it was profoundly moving and I'm shameless.
13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
Something immensely embarrassing and cringe-worthy, no doubt.
14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
Red wine, because I'm not enough of a red-blooded American to appreciate the delightful subtleties of whatever indistinguishable brand of horse piss and hate that this test-maker expects.
15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
Verbally and textually, preferably in a language both of us understand and with formal-but-not-fanciful vocabulary that allows us to reach an efficient result.
16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Write, consume media of all kinds, surf the interwebs and snark at those who deserve it.
17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
I think you need to raise your wages to help college students pay off the blood debts they've been cursed with for eternity, so as to create a mutually beneficial employee-employer relationship where better pay and less debt translates to better work and more profit. If the question was actually about college politics, as it was because this test is advertised such that it'd be impossible to misinterpret, a few vocal and stupid extremists aren't going to soil the bottom line now or ever.
18. What’s your typical breakfast?
Cereal, toast or a cinnamon bagel, and a banana.
19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
Irrelevant as I've never been to something I'd consider a coffeehouse, but whatever, hot chocolate.
20. How do you handle bullies?
Calmly report the harassment to a figure of authority who is obligated to do something about it, or if that fails, go for the eyes and the knees.
21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
If I've presented my entire argument in the best possible way I can articulate, then feel momentarily bad about it and get over it after a few minutes.
22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
Go over the problems with it in a calm and logical manner, refraining from insults and needless bullying because that creates a hostile work environment and is just kind of a dickish thing to do.
23. What does the first amendment mean to you?
It means you can preach about snowflakes on a public forum and I can call you a hypocritical, impotent baby, and as long as neither of us is forcibly compelled by the government to not do so, it's all fine.
24. What does faith mean to you?
Nothing.
25. Who is your role model and why?
Elon Musk, because I hope to one day reach that level of self-made wealth, barely disguised supervillainy, and undying commitment to doing whatever I want regardless of sensible reasoning.
26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
I don't take it, and I proceed to question the contrived suspiciousness of everything about this setup.
How do they know someone's coming in in exactly 15 seconds with murderous intent?
If they had a gun already, why didn't they wait in hiding to shoot the person in question in a more open area with less likelihood for collateral damage?
Why am I, a bony white guy who barely looks of legal age, being given the gun?
Why a fucking Starbucks?
Then, when the conman inevitably reveals the ruse and tries to shoot me, I do my best to hold him off and have the other patrons help secure him until the police arrive.
27. What does America mean to you?
A convenient place to sleep until I can move to an actual civilized first-world nation with socialized healthcare, a sensible legal system, and politics that haven't devolved into screaming buzzwords just to piss the other side off.
28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
If it's accidental, brush it off and assume they'll notice and step away. If it's intentional, flip them off because it's just a dick move in principle. I can safely say I don't worship the icon enough to launch into a murderous rage when it's disrespected.
29. What does “privilege” mean to you?
A meaningless buzzword used by the most absurd people on both sides of the political spectrum, and a somewhat useful term when used in rational discussion between anyone else.
30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
Have all book smarts and no street smarts and you won't survive in the real world. Have all street smarts and no book smarts and you're destined for just that: the streets. Education and improvisation are of equal importance.